Did Persephone descend or was she
taken?
Did Hades steal Demeter’s bright ray
or did Persephone escape
to the peace of dark solitude
broken
only by her lover’s touch?
Chapter 1
Day 1
Persephone stared into the microscope, slowly swirling the knob until the slide came into focus. Pressed between the slide’s two plates she could see the growth and death of her latest strain of wheat in one thin slice. Mold spores danced among the new growth, signaling that the plant’s death was near. She was solely focused on her work to the exclusion of everything around her, which included two very large security guards and a holoscreen showing the never-ending coverage of a growing war. She sat perched on her stool, studying the results of her latest experimental crop. With one knee drawn tight to her chest, the other swung under her, kicking the stool’s leg in a staccato rhythm.
She ignored a quiet cough behind her. Persephone sighed and pulled out the next plate, a slightly more mature slice of the same varietal. The cells showed robust growth and health. Persephone smiled as she hunched over the microscope, delighted at the mature plant’s growth, but she was agitated. The yield was wrong once again. It was too high for her precise calculations, and she frowned because something was altering her outcomes.
Deep down, Persephone suspected she knew the source of the disturbance.
“Excuse me, Miss? I’m looking for Dr. Kore?” a man’s voice called from her doorway.
Persephone sat up straight and spun the stool to face the man. She glanced at the clocks, set with times from around the world, each telling her she had gotten lost in her research and missed the start of an expected appointment. Tony, the head of her personal security detail, nodded to indicate the man had been vetted and was probably on her schedule. He clearly held back an amused smile as his chin lowered to his black uniform shirt. Beside him, his newest partner stood half a head taller than Tony and almost blank-faced. Only the barest twist to his mouth denied Tony’s calm and a slight tightening of Henry’s jaw indicated he was already annoyed with her visitor.
“Need something?” She rose and quickly wiped her hands on her dirt-caked, stained jeans. She nodded at the two men, giving Henry a little wink that she knew would make him roll his eyes, indicating the visitor could approach her. She wasn’t the queen of the world but she was the queen of her lab and the two men ensured she only had the visitors she allowed.
The man stepped around Tony and Henry. “Yes? I’m supposed to come to work for Dr. Kore? Her new lab manager?” His voice rose as an annoying question with each statement. “They said I could find her here and that she was in desperate need of a lab manager.” He finished the statement by licking his lips slightly.
“Lab manager?” Persephone asked, tucking her chocolate brown hair over her shoulder. She didn’t need a lab manager. She suspected some high-level meddling, which set her on edge. If someone, probably her mother, was trying to play matchmaker again, she certainly wasn’t taking this dweeb. He’d spent half his querying speech talking to the floor and the other staring at her admittedly minimal chest.
Henry shifted restlessly by her door. Persephone discreetly gestured for him to stay in place. He had only been on her security team for a few weeks, but it seemed he had already picked up much of the inner politics that made up International Bio-Chemical Corps, known as IBCC. His blue-gray eyes and close-cropped hair made the man look like a warrior made of marble. Beside him, Tony was a sharp contrast with sun-golden skin and a dark braid that went almost to his back. Despite the contrast in their appearances, they both had a look like if they had a broadsword pressed to their neck, they would laugh before destroying their foe. She had no doubt Tony would behave like a warrior if she was threatened.
“Look, girl,” he scoffed. “I know Dr. Kore is the best bioengineer in the world, and with my credentials, I deserve to work for her. I don’t need to get jerked around by some power-hungry intern. Go get her so I can interview with her and show her my papers.” His earlier trepidation had clearly evaporated now that he’d assessed her to be nothing more than an intern, and the questioning tone was gone.
Persephone’s eyes narrowed in her youthful face and her eyes darted to Henry. He gave her a quick nod. Her shoulders sagged in relief and the corners of his mouth twitched into a tiny smile before settling back into a neutral look.
“Yeah, I guess you’d hate to make the wrong impression.” Persephone turned slightly as if heading to fetch ‘Dr. Kore,’ but paused. She smiled coquettishly over her shoulder at him. “What have you heard about Dr. Kore anyway that has you so impressed?”
“Her research into genetic and bioengineering is unparalleled!” he said with the warm smile of a professor about to embark on his pet topic. “She’s unlocked ways to combine drought-resistant cultivars with less resilient species in unthought of ways. I’ve even read some of her more recent research into improving hydroponic systems to reduce evaporation and increase yield. Her research is extensive and some of the most cited in the world.” He laughed and strode to where she sat, still perched on her stool. “The world of bioengineering, anyway.” The man leaned in slightly.
Persephone leaned back, trying hard not to roll her eyes at his overt attempt to establish dominance, but didn’t halt her security team from edging closer. She had no doubt that if she failed to keep him back, one of the two would have him on his knees with an arm yanked behind his back in a flash.
“Dr. Kore, huh?” she asked calmly. “Demeter Kore or Persephone Kore?”
“What?” The man jerked back a bit at her question.
With little space between them, now Persephone sat upright. “Dr. Demeter Kore is a biochemist, also well known for her research. But Dr. Persephone Kore is both a geneticist and bioengineer. Dual docs, ya know?”
“I’m looking for Dr. Persephone Kore, clearly,” he sneered. “Who is Demeter Kore?”
“Dr. Persephone Kore’s mother, clearly,” she said in mocking reflection.
He sneered. “Oh, that’s probably why I haven’t heard of her. I only study cutting-edge technologies. If she’s Dr. Persephone Kore’s mother, she’s probably well past her prime.”
Persephone laughed, sharp and hard. He was a caricature of a boorish lecturer, smug and full of self-worth. Any doubt she’d harbored about not giving him a try had dissipated.
“I’ll tell her you said that.” She shot a look at her security team, now hovering mere feet behind him. Tony had his eyes locked on the man and was balanced on the balls of his feet, ready to lunge. Henry, on the other hand, stood tall and was still watching her, the slight bend in his knees only visible from the break in his pants the only indication he was prepared to strike. The way he looked at her as the domineering wannabe lab assistant loomed over her made her want to blush. It was hungry. Feral. Definitely not his usual cool composure. Her eyes shot back to the man before her.
He looked at her blankly before her words sank in.
His face fell by degrees as the truth hit him. “You … you—,” he stammered. “You can’t be Dr. Kore.”
“Oh, swing and a miss there, slugger. Look, boy,” she gave him a saccharine smile. “I can and I am Dr. Kore. Dr. Persephone Kore, whose research is extensive and some of the most cited in the world. The world of bioengineering, anyway,” she said, mimicking his rude tone. Her two guards inched closer.
His face fell from shock to anger. “Dr. Kore has been publishing for over a decade. You’re like, twelve!”
Persephone’s eyes narrowed and her mouth tightened. “You seem to suffer from hyperbole.” She made an insolent face at him and cocked her head. “I’ll have you know, I’m twenty-five. But you are right, I have been publishing for over a decade. I started publishing during my last year of my master’s program and continued through my Ph.D., which, by the way, I finished well before I could drink. And I’ve been running this lab for almost nine years now.”
The man looked poleaxed.
“You won’t be joining me, by the way. I might need a lab manager, but a more open-minded one.” She flicked her hands dismissively.
The man took a single step toward her, trying to tower over her small frame still perched easily on the stool, but before Persephone could blink, he was on his knees, one arm twisted tightly behind his back by Tony. Just as the two had been teaching her in their bi-weekly self-defense classes.
He looked at her questioningly as if he hoped to be rescued from her armed escort, but she shrugged. Her team was as restricted as she was.
Henry escorted the man out while Tony stood watch at her door, eyes sweeping the lab. Moments later, Henry returned, his uniform as unruffled as if he hadn’t just thrown the man from the facility grounds. Persephone smiled at him, a silent thank you, and this time was rewarded with a full smile before he pulled it back into his professional mask. Something bright fluttered in her chest.
Sighing slightly, she uncoiled from her perch and stretched. She took in her messy lab, pots and soil scattered across worktables almost at odds with the high-end analyzers. “Okay, fellas, I’m gonna finish up for the day and head out for a hike.” She paused because she already knew what was coming.
“Ma’am—” Tony started.
“Dr. Kore,” Henry interrupted, “we’ll have to check with the head of security first.”
“He’s the head of security,” she said, pointing at Tony.
“I am the head of your security team, but I am not the head of the security team,” Tony reminded her.
Persephone’s eyes flicked to the unrelenting war coverage on a muted holoscreen above her workstation. She quirked one eyebrow. “Are you seriously worried about that?” she gestured to the muted screen. The news anchor’s mouth moved silently as video of explosions showed in clips over his shoulder.
Neither answered, exchanging one silent look before Henry turned away to speak quietly into his radio. Persephone rolled her neck, occasionally twisting her head sharply in her hands to pop it.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Kore. You can only be approved for a short run and only on the compound tonight.” Henry’s face, usually expressionless, was regretful.
Persephone’s eyebrows shot up. “By whose authority?” She’d been denied outings before, but this was an unprecedented level of restriction. She looked at Tony, who, as the head of her team, usually made the call on her restrictions, but he was looking at Henry.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, the head of our security team,” Henry told her.
Her eyes narrowed over the odd phrasing. “Really?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said with his usual calm.
“How far?” she asked with deadly intensity.
“Ma’am, you may run as far as you like, but you must only run within the perimeter of the compound, and you need to be done before nightfall.”
She gritted her teeth and held back the string of curses she wanted to let out. “Well then, I hope you enjoy running ten miles in three-mile loops through the corn, wheat, and soy,” she told them. “I mean, I only assume you’re on duty for a few more hours?”
They exchanged a look between them. Henry gave Tony a sharp nod.
She pushed back from the desk and stalked past the two men. A gentle hand on her upper arm halted her. She looked down, only then realizing that neither man had ever actually touched her before, as much as she might have welcomed that. She stared at the hand, pale on her sun-bronzed skin, feeling as if the world outside their compound had suddenly become all too real.
“Henry?” she asked quietly. She had gently flirted and teased Henry since he had joined her team. He had a sweetness to him she liked. However, he had never reciprocated her flirting outright and had certainly never been so bold as to touch her.
Henry’s mouth pressed into a thin line, and he didn’t speak. Persephone stared up at him as fear built inside her. His eyes, a light blue rimmed in green, held her gaze with concern. If Henry was worried, she was scared.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry,” Tony’s voice cut their stare. “They’ve asked that you pack a small bag before you depart for your run. Just in case,” Tony said with an anxious shrug.
“In case of what, Tony?” Persephone whispered and pulled against Henry’s touch.
His hand stayed on her upper arm. Something unreadable flashed across his face.
“In case of what, Tony?” Persephone repeated, louder.
“In case this compound is overrun and we have to extract you quickly,” he said calmly.
Persephone jerked her arm from Henry’s grasp to face them both. “Are you serious?” She blinked hard to clear her contacts and narrowed her eyes at him. “Really?” she asked softly.
“Yes, Dr. Kore,” Henry replied when Tony fell silent.
Chapter 2
Day 1
An hour later, she was running along the edges of the compound’s many experimental fields, Henry and Tony jogging a respectful distance beyond to give her the illusion of solitude. Somewhere, far behind her, a small bag was packed with hastily assembled clothes, notes, and electronic drives.
Persephone held out a delicate hand as she ran, letting it slide along her various cultivars. Each was designed and mutated to counter a specific set of blights. She held eight patents for the crops she had produced over the last nine years, an unparalleled number among the staff of IBCC.
And yet, she winced slightly as her hand tapped each stalk, wondering if she was altering the outcomes of her current experiments. Farmers buying her genetically modified seeds expected a higher yield under static laboratory conditions. But she feared they would one day discover that her yields topped any other single scientist, no matter how the conditions were varied.
She gave a huffing breath as she ran, grateful that no one at IBCC had dug too deeply into her data to see the discrepancy. If it weren’t for her mother’s meddling, she would be at a real lab of her own choosing and could rely on the scientists around her to help double-check her results. At IBCC, she rarely, if ever, saw other researchers and most veered away from her when they spotted her during her leisure time, which was probably another trick of her mother’s meddling.
So far, her closest companions were the ever-present security team her mother forced IBCC to employ on her behalf. She had been mutinous, resistant, and devious in giving them the slip until recently. When Tony had been promoted to the head of her team six months ago, she had settled down.
Tony was calm and unflappable. He’d broken the unspoken rule of never engaging with her directly to talk almost endlessly about his wife and life outside of work. Persephone, who had been devoid of real love for so long, had enjoyed their banter and stopped most of her shenanigans when he was on duty. On some level, knowing her mother’s influence, Tony was likely as trapped in his duties as she was. Tony must have hired Henry because he had calmed her as much as Tony, if in a different way.
She glanced at Henry, keeping a steady pace just behind her left shoulder. She had been smitten the moment she saw him. He was tall and strong, his bulk filling out his uniform in an appealing way, like all her guards. But he was different, exuding a calm unlike any of her other guards. She basked in that peace. She half expected him to be like Tony, garrulous and open, but instead, she had spent the last few weeks slowly winding information out of him and flirting with him with all the subtly of a sledgehammer. Having been cloistered all her life, she had very little opportunity to practice. Yet, when he did speak, he exuded a gentle strength, sharp wit, and never made her feel like an awkward teenager trying to be subtle about a crush.
Well, she’d been subtle to start, which he ignored. Then she was open, which he gently turned aside while remaining friendly. When she asked if he was married, he had told her that he was single but didn’t elaborate or hint that he had a significant other of some type. After that, she was blunt and still denied. Tony had dared to snicker at that. For the last week, it had been almost a game to see what was the silliest or most outrageous way she could flirt with him, knowing she’d still be denied.
“Enjoying the view?” she called over her shoulder to him and gave an extra swing to her hips for the next few strides.
Tony snickered, but Henry stayed silent.
“Henry, run up. Tony, fall back,” she said.
They did as she asked, Henry running at her side and Tony, hopefully, out of earshot. For the sake of her ego.
“What do you know of what’s going on out there?” she asked Henry.
“I can’t say much more than what you’ve seen on the news.”
“You’re part of a security team. A security team at a secure facility, owned by a multi-billion credit corporation that sells to every nation on the planet. Well, almost all, some are sanctioned. I fail to believe you don’t know more.” She slowed down slightly, having realized she sped up as she spoke.
Henry paced her for a few strides before looking quickly over his shoulder at Tony. He glanced back at her. “I said I can’t say much more, I didn’t say I didn’t know.”
“Savvy.”
“Since I can’t say what I know, perhaps you could tell me what you know and I’d be happy to correct any misconceptions.”
Persephone gave a light laugh then turned to look at Tony. He watched them but his face was blank and she hoped he hadn’t heard Henry’s offer.
“Zeus and Poseidon are at it again,” she said quickly. “The two nations hate each other. They always have.”
“Yes, the Sons of Zeus and Forces of Poseidon have been engaged in skirmishes for the last five months.” They strode on a few more paces before he said, “And, yes, as far as I can tell, both sides fight like brothers over a rich man’s inheritance.”
“Poseidon’s side is currently blockading key ports, keeping Zeus’s people from receiving crucial shipments before what will likely be a harsh winter that far north.”
“True. I feel that news has been negligent in mentioning acts of sabotage on several critical storage and processing facilities that would ensure those shipments are processed to feed, clothe, and house Zeus’s people in the coming winter.”
Persephone nodded. “And Poseidon’s side feels justified because the accident on Rhodes spilled toxic, apocalyptic waste into their neighboring waters.”
“Yes, the Forces of Poseidon are saying it was deliberate.”
“And what would you say, Henry?”
“Could have been an accident. The Sons of Zeus aren’t the most careful bunch. But it doesn’t matter because the harm from it affected Poseidon far more than Hades.”
“So much bad blood for so long,” she said. “Does it ever end?”
“It ends when the struggle leaves both sides.”
“How?”
“You know how,” he said quietly.
They paced her for another mile before Henry finally spoke. “We should cut it here, Dr. Kore.”
“Call me Persephone—or Seph if you’re really feeling close,” she said with a smile.
“Dr. Kore, we need to get you back and positioned to move,” he replied.
Persephone slowed to a walk and linked her arms in theirs. “You guys are sweet but absolutely no fun, you know that?”
“I’m incredibly fun,” Tony responded. “Unlike him, I carry on a conversation well, or so my wife tells me.”
“I’d like to meet this wonderful woman someday,” she told him with a smile.
“Maybe you will,” he said.
Henry shot him an unreadable look and Tony’s face went blank.
“He’s cranky because he’s known me forever and is tired of hearing about my beloved wife while he stays single,” Tony finally said with a sly grin.
“We’ll get you back to your quarters, Dr. Kore,” Henry told her, ignoring Tony’s jab. “Based on our current intelligence, I suspect we may have to move you tonight. I’d recommend showering and eating as soon as possible so you’re prepared.”
“You really think we’ll be attacked, Henry?” She shook her head. “That war isn’t about us. I grow plants. I grow plants in a country that isn’t an adversary to either side. What do the Forces of Poseidon or Sons of Zeus care about wheat and barley anyway?”
Henry gave her an odd look. “Dr. Kore, as you said earlier, you are world renowned. You can create what can save a civilization. Do not underestimate what people would do to control your knowledge and skills.”
Chapter 3
Day 1
A ubiquitous holoscreen played silently near Persephone as she tidied her apartment. She ambled from room to room, hair still damp from her post-run shower and soaking the back of her shirt. It was easy to remain oblivious the growing crisis on the news without her contacts or her glasses. Deliberately ignoring the screen as well as the conspicuous bag on the table, she purposefully moved piles of her belongings from one area to another while telling herself she was tidying up.
For weeks, Persephone had dodged each holoscreen displaying the rising tension between the world’s two largest and most powerful nations. She and IBCC resided outside of both. Persephone knew enough history to know that if the big two erupted into open warfare, they might come through her tiny nation first. But from the little she’d allowed herself to see, it seemed unlikely.
A muffled boom broke her from the furious cleaning spree. From the window, the blurred, dimming light of a nearby blast faded. Persephone jerked upright, eyes darting to her bag. Reflexively, she sat at her console, which was the contents of her desktop and her section of the IBCC servers to an external hard drive.
Persephone sighed and rose as the computer continued the long process of moving data. E Gaze falling on three stalks of wheat she plucked during her run, she didn’t know why she’d snagged those cultivars, of all her current experiments. Somehow, they seemed vitally important now.
Another muffled boom was followed by a pounding at her door. Persephone’s eyes darted to her well-worn t-shirt, faded tight joggers, and bare feet before coming back to the blurry entryway.
She hesitated. Somewhere in the back of her head, her mother Demeter’s advice to “never let them see you sweat or in sweats” thundered through her consciousness.
The pounding sounded again. Disregarding her mother’s careful advice on personal appearance management, she opened the door. Security personnel clad in black armor, different from their daily uniforms, flooded through. They flanked the walls of her entryway and hall, each rifle held down, but each trigger finger only a fraction of an inch away from a trigger. She was almost surprised to see there was not even a hint of feral lethality in their actions.
But clearly, every thought and every move carried purposeful intent.
“What—”
“Dr. Persephone Kore, grab your bag and follow me,” a voice called out.
She reacted instinctively, only realizing it was Tony’s voice ordering her around as she snatched the drive from her computer. She tucked the small drive into her bag as she followed him out swiftly. So swiftly that she left her contacts and glasses in the apartment as they fled. Nine years of memory drove her bare feet swiftly down two flights of stairs to a small concrete pad where a vehicle waited. Hands took her bag and lifted her into the vehicle. She settled, giving over to a false sense of calm that flooded her mind.
“CHARON 03, Hermes, the package is en route. Prep to launch and inform STYX 02 we’ll be ready within the hour,” the driver called into a radio at his shoulder.
“Copy, wilco Hermes,” another voice crackled over the channel.
It was then Persephone realized that not only had she snagged her hard drive and bag, but the newest of her wheat cultivars were clutched in her hand.
Far beyond their vehicle, another boom echoed across IBCC’s dark pastoral valley.
“Get down,” Tony said calmly, but threw himself across her.
Persephone batted at Tony’s muscular bulk ineffectually. “Get off, Tony!” she yelled, but he remained where he was, sprawled across her in the vehicle.
“Two minutes to the bird,” someone yelled while they sped down the road.
Through Tony’s bulk and more muffled booming, Persephone could hear the faint but growing whump-whump-whump sound of a helicopter. Her hands tightened on the stalks of wheat, seemingly the only thing she still had control over.
In a blur of motion, the vehicle stopped. She was extracted alongside her bag and loaded onto the running helicopter. Persephone would swear later that her feet never touched the ground during her abrupt abduction.
“CHARON 03, all souls aboard,” she heard Tony shout into a headset as the helicopter lifted off.
“Tony, where’s Henry?” she asked over the rush of wind through the open helicopter doors.
An unmuffled boom rocked the helicopter as it lifted off before anyone was buckled into a seat. Fire blossomed below and Persephone grabbed for anything she could get her free hand on as her occupied hand braced against anything else. They rose steadily from the ground, undamaged from the detonation only a few dozen feet away from their landing zone.
Persephone shivered from her place on the floor, hand still clutching the three precious stalks of wheat. She looked out at the destruction and shivered. Even in the growing dark, punctuated by explosive detonations, they were undoubtedly the only remaining stalks from several acres of experimental plants.
Chaos ruled the helicopter’s movements. Persephone’s shivers grew as they flew low across the terrain at speeds that whipped any warm air away from her body out the open doors. The helicopter yanked aggressively from left to right, skimming over the rolling terrain beyond the compound’s valley. Persephone lost all sense of time as she flailed wildly for anything to grip. She grasped at the nylon webbing and straps that flapped around the helicopter as she fought for a more stable seat.
Whether it was seconds or minutes that passed, she managed to stay inside the maneuvering helicopter. Her eyes finally settled on Henry, whose presence she’d missed in their desperate evacuation. Relief flooded through her and Persephone would have smiled, but the damp shirt clinging to her back made her shiver in the ambient wind. Henry reached down, scooped her up with one arm, and draped her across his lap. He hunched over her, protecting her from the fierce winds whipping through the open cockpit.
In another time and place, Persephone would have smiled at finally ending up in his embrace but not today.
Henry gently placed a set of headphones over her ears and she was immersed in the cockpit communication as they continued the flight away from IBCC.
“CHARON 03, reporting hostile fire outbound point Delta,” a voice said in her ear.
“Copy all, STYX 02 is ready to receive you. Proceed on assigned vectors to RZ.”
Persephone shivered in Henry’s lap and he clutched her tighter. One arm wrapped around her thighs while the other pulled her torso tight against his chest. She tried to look up at him, to judge his expression, but the wind pulled her chocolate hair in a wild halo around her face, obscuring him.
“STYX 02, this is Hermes, sixty seconds from RZ,” Persephone thought she heard the pilot say.
“Copy, engines burning.”
“Hold tight, Persephone,” Tony told her over the intercom.
Persephone nodded against Henry’s chest, too cold to do much else. When the helicopter’s skids touched down, Henry rose, still holding her in his arms. She was both dismayed she couldn’t leave the helicopter on her own and thankful they didn’t make her try, as personnel around her moved faster than her frozen body would allow.
“Keep holding on, girl,” Henry told her as he settled into a seat of what she recognized as a plush business jet.
Persephone struggled to sit up on the padded leather bench seat.
“Here,” Tony told her and offered an oxygen mask. He shot a quick look at Henry. “Flying at altitude can wind you.”
She put the mask on her face gratefully and inhaled deeply.
“STYX 02, Hades Actual, package aboard,” she heard over the hiss of the mask. “Authorized to depart.”
“Copy, Hades Actual.”
Persephone’s eyes blinked hard. Her already blurry vision doubled. She realized no one else in the jet’s cabin wore an oxygen mask. In a panic, she tried to push the gas mask away.
“It’s okay, Seph,” Tony told her and gently pushed the mask back to her face.
Henry put a gentle hand on her shoulder and she felt calmer.
“Tony? Henry?” she asked quietly through the mask. Her hand, still clutching the three precious stalks of wheat, folded gently across her waist. A strange lethargy spread through her body.
“You didn’t accidentally,” he hesitated, “you know?” Tony asked Henry as her consciousness faded.
“No man!” Henry replied harshly, then glanced down at her. “Get me the IV, it’s a long flight to the Underground.”
Persephone’s eyelids drooped shut.
Chapter 4
Day 3
Persephone woke slowly, consciousness coming in fits and starts. With each waking, she could recall a fragmented memory. The dimmed lights of the business jet’s cabin and an IV burning into the crook of her elbow. Bright runway lights on a pitch-black airstrip. Handcuffs and raised voices. Bright lights and a hallway that smelled like a basement: dusty, cold, and deep. The final time she woke, the only fragmented memory was of the soft whooshing of HVAC overhead.
Persephone opened her eyes.
She blinked.
She was surrounded by an unrelenting darkness that blinking failed to clear.
She rolled to her side and could feel a thin mattress or blanket under her. Every muscle in her body protested and she realized she had been unconscious for a long period. Persephone swallowed reflexively. Her mouth and throat were working to make enough saliva to swallow. A dim and fuzzy but narrow band of light was visible a few feet away, maybe the bottom of a door. Persephone sat up and slid back along the soft covering until her back hit a wall.
She sat with her knees drawn tight to her chest for an immeasurable time. The rough wall leeched heat from her back, as did the floor through the mattress’s thin padding. Persephone shook as if the very walls were trying to pull life from her body.
Footsteps and a quietly rasping scrape beyond the narrow band of light caught her attention. There was a snicking clack before light flooded in. Persephone held one shaking hand up to shield her closed eyes.
“Doctor?” a deep, tentative voice called.
“Yes?” Persephone’s voice creaked. She swallowed hard again, this time realizing how dry her mouth was.
“Dr. Persephone Kore?” the voice called again, muffled.
Persephone cracked her eyes open enough to see a figure move to block the door, then blurry feet approaching. She pressed up against the cold wall. “Yes.”
A hand clasped her wrist and she made a croaking gasp of surprise. The strong hand yanked her to her feet. Staggering upright, Persephone winced at the blurry light coming through the door. She yelped in shock when pain lanced into her fingertip. Her finger was pinched and rolled until a bright crimson dot welled up.
“The machine needs more than that,” a cold voice said in the darkness.
“She’s dehydrated,” a familiar voice chided. “You aren’t going to get much more than that without a line.” The hand holding her wrist ran a gentle thumb along the palm of her hand, as if trying to soothe her. “She shouldn’t have been down here in the first place.”
Persephone saw another hand swiftly collect the bright red drop of blood from her finger. She jerked her hand out of someone’s grasp and brought it to her mouth to suck on the painful cut. While she inspected the finger, something near the bright fuzz of the doorway gave a soft cheeping.
The cold voice gave a sharp grunt. “Persephone Nestis Kore, daughter of Demeter Kore, and lead bio-genetic engineer at International Bio-Chemical Corps. Twenty-five years old, never married, and no children. Holds doctorates in biology and genetic engineering,” the voice rattled off.
“I told you it was her,” the familiar voice responded, annoyance making his voice tight. “I brought her in myself.”
“This can’t be right,” the first voice argued. “You can’t have two doctorates by the age of—what?— seventeen?”
“Sixteen,” she corrected absently. Persephone wiped her finger on her t-shirt, wondering how long she had been wearing it, and squinted at the two vague shapes in front of her.
“Come on, Persephone,” the familiar voice called.
“No, sir, she has to be judged.” The second voice was testy, as if this were an argument had many times over.
“She was specifically requested.”
“You know the rules. No dead weight,” the voice said with cold humor.
“She was specifically requested by him,” the familiar voice reiterated.
“He may be the Lord Commander and King, but even he has rules. Rules,” the cold voice went on, “he has entrusted us to enforce, Thanatos.”
A hand clamped onto her wrist again, presumably Thanatos, and gave a gentle but insistent tug. “This will be quick, then we’ll get you settled.”
Persephone had a moment’s hesitation before stumbling along after them. It wasn’t that she wanted to stay in a dark cell, but the idea of being “judged” held an ominous feel. She closed her eyes as she stepped from the cell into the brightly illuminated hallway. She had always welcomed the sun, reveled in its feel on her skin. This light was harsh, unnatural, and made her shiver.
The hand on her wrist released her. “This way,” he said. “It’ll be okay, Seph.”
She blinked at him. She guessed he was no more than four feet away, but she was unable to see his face. Squinting after the men, or at least she assumed, men, all she could make out were darkly dressed, bulky figures. She stumbled after them, staggering down the hallway until a hand grabbed her elbow to steady her.
Persephone looked up to see the dark clad, armored guard, presumably looking down at her from a black, visored helmet. “Please, Persephone. No one intends to hurt you,” he gave a little pause and Persephone guessed he was looking at the first person, a small, maybe slender man or a woman with a neutral voice.
“She must be judged,” the voice said with a cool bluntness that conveyed an utter lack of care.
Listening more closely now, she realized the person was a slender woman in dark robes.
“Eris,” growled the dark armored man with a familiar voice.
“She gets no more special treatment than anyone else,” Eris replied calmly. “After all, we can’t have anything stirring up the masses right now, can we?”
There was a moment of tense silence before the warmer of the two hands, the still helmeted Thanatos, tugged on her gently.
“Please, Persephone.”
There was something in the way he said her name. A subtle reverence that unfroze her feet. She took a hesitant, stumbling step forward. A hand caught and cupped her elbow to keep her upright.
“Thank you,” she mumbled.
“Are you alright?” he asked quietly, his voice muffled by the helmet.
“Tired, hungry, thirsty, and kind of pissed,” she said. Her eyes swept from his helmet to the hallway, squinting, but still unable to see beyond the length of her arm.
There was silence as she tried to make sense of her surroundings.
“She’s not wearing her glasses, Thanatos,” another man said from her other side.
Thanatos’ visored face turned to her. The hand at her wrist moved to cup her chin, turning her face up to his.
She glared up at his blank visor.
“I’ll have to add it to the list,” Thanatos said. His hand went to her arm and he guided her along gently by the elbow.
They led her, Thanatos by her elbow and the other two flanking them, down bright gray hallways. Their feet echoed sharply, in a way that made Persephone think the walls were stone or concrete, an idea reinforced by the dank chill in the air.
“Here,” someone said, opening a door. “My duties as an escort end here. I will undoubtedly see you later, on the control floor.” He stepped in closer and gave her a brief bow.
Persephone realized he had deliberately stepped inside of her field of vision to execute his respectful gesture.
“Thank you, Hermes,” Thanatos told him and walked her through the open door. The blurry mass in front of her solidified into a pale dais with three forms seated atop it as they walked closer. Persephone squinted, able to see dark chairs and pale walls, but unable to make out anything more than vaguely human forms seated on the dais.
“I bring Persephone Kore before you for judgment,” Thanatos told them, voice crisp and formal. “Not that it is strictly required,” he said and Persephone got the impression he was looking at Eris from behind his dark visor.
“All who come here require judgment,” a hissingly soft voice said from the dais.
“All,” echoed two other voices.
“Send her data so she may be judged,” the quiet voice hissed.
Eris tapped a key on her small machine and Persephone saw the figures hunch down, presumably reading. They stayed that way for several quiet and intense moments.
“Dr. Persephone Nestis Kore, you are here to be judged for a level of usefulness to us,” the middle figure said.
“I didn’t ask for this,” she spat back.
“No, but the world as you know it will end. This facility will be one of only a few that survive. We wish for you to survive with us, but we must decide the circumstances of that survival. Those who are diligent workers or technically skilled can find themselves assigned to Asphodel, living a modest life until we can return to the world again. Those with useful skills or excellent minds could be assigned to Elysium, enjoying benefits equal to their contributions.”
A spark of proud fire ignited in Persephone. She had never been considered anything less than an exceptional thinker.
“And those who refuse to obey the rules or carry their share of our burden find themselves assigned to Tartarus, fated to spend their time working difficult, dirty, or menial labors.”
Persephone’s mouth tightened. She knew she was arrogant and feared her smart mouth would get her smart mind shuttered away doing hard labor.
“Judges, you have reviewed the file,” the hissingly quiet voice said, “state your cases.”
“She holds two doctoral degrees in useful fields.” There was a faint chuckle from the judge on the right. “One is quite literally in a field.”
“She is too young,” the quiet voice hissed from the left.
“Youth is a plus,” the right judge quipped. “She isn’t like the doddering old fools we have now who may not make it until we can open the doors.”
“Headstrong. Impudent. Immature,” the left judge countered.
“Young, yes, but she runs her own department. She has for years. Clearly, that makes for some level of maturity and leadership,” the right judge argued.
“She holds multiple patents on genetically engineered plants. Her research has created food crops that are resistant to the most difficult and impactful blights. Something I believe we need,” the center judge cut in.
“She will cause turmoil by her very presence,” the left judge said. Persephone could see Eris nodding from the corner of her eye.
“Be that as it may, we need her,” the center judge intoned.
“She is a risk. She will cause agitation with her very presence. She risks upheaval. She risks our existence.”
“You have spent time in her presence. Would you speak for her, Thanatos?”
Persephone stiffened. His helmet-muffled voice was faintly familiar and he’d spent time in her presence? She squinted at his visor.
“She is headstrong, yes, but it is because she knows what is right and fights for it. She appears impudent if you don’t see the care and humor that lies underneath,” his familiar voice carried to the dais. Not loud, but inescapable. “One could call her youth ‘immaturity,’ but at their own peril. She burns with the fires and passions of those not yet worn down to callousness by great age. What you may point out as flaws, we see as features.”
“We?”
“Yes, you know damn well, we. She is brilliant and innovative, both things we will need as our resources wane. And she was specifically requested,” he paused, “by him.” There was a strange emphasis to his statement.
Persephone looked back at the blurry shapes of the judges.
“Judges, your verdicts? Asphodel, Elysium, or Tartarus?”
There was a long pause and she could feel their eyes on her. Fear sank leaden into her belly.
“She has a fourth option,” a deep voice called out behind them.
“She does not!” the querulous hissing voice on the left shouted.
“If she is the risk you say she is, then she has a fourth choice,” the voice said heavily.
Another person stepped beside her, tall and bulky. The figure wore dark clothes and practically loomed over her. She peered at the figure, but they were just far enough away that it was a blur of darkness and a single flash of gold as they moved.
“Is this the choice you would have us make? You know what it means, my Lord,” the center voice asked. “You know you could make a place for her,” he finished slyly.
“I will not trade lives like that. Given the dire need we have, but the security risk she presents, my recommendation is that she be judged Blessed.”
“What is Blessed?” Persephone whispered to Thanatos in the silence that followed.
“Personally vouched for by him,” his voice stressed oddly. “But if you breach faith, you’ll be expelled.”
Persephone blinked. “Okay, but what does that mean?”
“Accept it or be shoved out the blast doors into the middle of a war. Sorry, I can’t explain more now.”
She peered up at his mask, anger starting to overcome her fear. She opened her mouth, but his hand clamped over her mouth before she could curse him out.
“Do you take this obligation? Will she?” the center judge asked, unaware or ignoring her questions.
Persephone rolled her eyes toward the dark figure beside her. She wasn’t sure if she could trust his words or not.
The horrifying memory of her compound burning beneath her as they barely escaped flooded her mind. A weight settled on her chest and her legs wobbled, thinking of the deep booms that had echoed across her pastoral valley. Something finally clicked into place in her mind and she realized that everyone she knew at IBCC was dead.
Persephone dropped her head as tears formed. She knew she couldn’t break now, not with her future hanging in the balance. She swallowed down the fear, pain, and grief. She locked it away in a tiny box in her mind, to be opened, examined, and felt later. But not now.
Persephone nodded to the dark figure.
“Yes, we are both willing to accept the obligation,” the deep voice beside her said with dignity.
“Judges, your verdicts?” the center judge asked. “Minos?”
“Blessed,” Minos’s querulous hissing voice said.
“Rhadamanthus?”
“Blessed,” the right judge said calmly.
“And I, Aeacus, judge you Blessed.”
There was a strange sense of finality to his statement and Persephone shivered. The shiver was accompanied by static, as if she stood beneath a clouded sky just before the first crack of thunder.
“Thanatos, I release her to the Lord’s guardianship. And may you both have chosen wisely.”
Thanatos’ visor was still down and he nodded to the judges. Persephone saw his head swing toward her, but felt Eris shuffle back beside her. “Eris,” he said coldly.
“Thanatos,” Eris responded in an unruffled voice.
“Persephone, this way please,” Thanatos said and took her elbow again, gently guiding her from the hall, the dark figure striding alongside them silently.
“Where are we going?” she asked and jerked her arm, but Thanatos’ firm grasp remained.
“Just wait,” he said.
“No, now!” she said heatedly.
They passed into the hallway and Thanatos shut the door firmly behind them as the dark, bulky figure continued. His helmeted head swung from side to side, likely peering down the corridors.
“You have been judged Blessed, Persephone. You represent too great a risk and are at too great a risk to be among the general Elysium population. I assume they would have judged Elysium had we not intervened.”
“Why? Why am I dangerous?”
“Come on,” he said and tugged at her elbow.
Persephone jerked her arm hard, freeing herself from his grasp. “No, now,” she repeated.
“No, you have to formally meet one more person. I’ll talk some as we walk. But quietly, so don’t fuss at what I tell you.”
Her eyes narrowed at his visor, but she held her elbow out. Thanatos set off at a brisk walk.
“This facility has been in place for a decade. It has had people living in it since it was declared operational.”
“And what is this facility?” As they walked, she sensed the corridors widened. The sound of their footsteps became muted, they echoed less. The ambient noise around them increased but was more diffuse. A hundred voices murmured and were thrown back at her from raw, unpolished rock.
Thanatos huffed out a deep breath. “It is nothing more or less than a very well-built and stocked underground survival shelter.”
“What?” Persephone squawked.
“Surely you aren’t surprised?”
She considered for a moment. “No. With everything going on? No, I guess not.” She shook her head.
Persephone could tell people were walking the narrowing halls. The sound had a similar diffuse quality of soundwaves hitting rough surfaces and scattering, but it was sharper, tighter. All around her, a cold seeped from every wall and the air had a strange flat smell to it. The people, whose faces she couldn’t read at this distance, seemed to radiate a sense of hostility.
“Why me?”
“That’s the dangerous part. We spent years bringing in the resources we needed to survive a full-scale war. Some of those resources are people. The last few years have brought an influx of the most intelligent scientists in the world. Brought in both to help us and to protect them. Since then, we’ve built a community from those minds and those who work under or for them. We’ve taken in no one new in almost nine months.”
He sighed and they turned down another corridor. Unlike the corridors they had traveled the last few minutes, this was carpeted and had stately walls of dark wood and somber paint.
“I’m an unknown to a tight-knit group,” Persephone said.
“You are. And while necessary, there will be some,” he hesitated as if considering his word choice carefully, “agitation that there is now one more person in an already resource constrained population.”
“Then why bring in someone new now?” she asked. “Why me?”
“You’re the very best and we need someone who will keep food flowing from fields to kitchens.”
They walked another moment.
“There’s something else, isn’t there?”
“Yes.”
“I was ‘requested’?”
“That too. We scout and vet everyone we bring in,” Thanatos hedged.
“Kidnap,” Persephone retorted hotly.
“Tactically acquire, might be more accurate. But most people come of their own volition.”
“Who, Thanatos? Who requested me?”
Thanatos stopped in front of a dark wooden door. He was silent a moment before he opened the door and strode into the room, guiding Persephone in by the elbow. He walked her to a desk where a dark hulking figure stood.
The man towered over her and stood half a head above Thanatos as well. From where she stood, she couldn’t make out his features other than to know this was a man with brown hair clipped or tied tightly against his head. She was close enough now that from across the desk, Persephone could make out an athletic form under a tailored suit. She took one step forward to see his face, then jumped a half a step back until Thanatos tugged her elbow.
“Dr. Persephone Kore, may I introduce you to Hades, Lord Commander and King of the Underground.”
“Henry,” she whispered.
The characters for The Ballad of Ashes and Spring are all based on their namesakes from Greek mythology. For those who are not super nerds like me and haven’t been exposed to Greek mythology, this reference guide gives a basic understanding of each character’s Greek myths and some of the symbolism woven into the story.
The Gods:
There were twelve primary gods associated with Greek mythology, each were associated with certain aspects of life (or death). These twelve were referred to as the Pantheon, the twelve Olympians who resides on Mt. Olympus … except for Hades. The three strongest were the brothers: Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. According to Greek mythology, the world was ruled by cruel Titans until they were overthrown by the brothers. After they emerged victorious, they divided the world into the sky, the sea, and the Underworld, or land of the dead.
Hades: The God of the Underworld, the God of the Dead. Implacable and stern, he ruled over the Underworld, supervising the dead when they descended to his realm. In Greek times, he was more like an administer of the Underworld, rather than judging or applying punishments to the dead.
Persephone: Goddess of the Spring and Queen of the Underworld. She is known to have a dual nature: She is both Kore, “the Girl” and Persephone, the Queen of the Underworld. The Greeks associated her with grain, growth, and the cycle of the seasons. Many pieces of Greek art depict her holding a sheaf of grain.
Thanatos: The God of Death. Not the God of the Dead. Yes, it’s confusing in our cultural context. Thanatos is the personification of death and brings the end of suffering and worry.
Eris: The Goddess of Strife. She personifies our modern phrase “the audacity of that bitch!” She likes to start things.
Hermes: The Messenger God and Herald of Spring. In the original myth, he is sent by Hades to help abduct Persephone.
Zeus: Considered the leader of the Olympians and the God of the Sky and weather. Also, a serial rapist and cheater. He’s not a good guy. Seriously, this author high-key hates him. Brother to Poseidon and Hades.
Poseidon: God of the Sea, as well as earthquakes, and horses. Brother to Zeus and Hades.
Demeter: Goddess of Harvest. Mother of Persephone and goddess responsible for agriculture, harvest, and fertility.
The Nymphs:
Amalthia: A nymph known for the “horn of Amalthia” or our modern cornucopia, a magical horn that could produce an endless quantity of food and drink. If you watched “The Last Unicorn” you’ve heard the name before. Also, the author’s preferred character name on many, many videogames.
Leuce: An ocean nymph brought to the Underworld by Hades. After she died in the Underground, Hades transformed her into a white poplar tree.
Minthe: A river nymph known to have been turned into a mint plant after it was discovered that she had a fling with Hades.
Stygia (Styx): Known as an ocean nymph or associated with the River Styx, the river in the Underworld that was the boundary between the living and the dead.
The Judges:
The Judges of the Underworld. They judged everyone who came to Hades’ domain and determined their fate. Tartarus (tantamount to our modern hell) for those who were terrible in life and deserved eternal punishment. Asphodel (what we would think of as purgatory) for those whose souls were neither especially evil or especially good. Elysium (our heaven) for those whose souls we light with their good deeds in life. For those who choose to reincarnate, if the Judges sent you to Elysium three times, on the third time you could go to the Isle of Blessed, the most ideal of all afterlife locations.
Charon: Ferryman of the Dead. Like modern Cajun ferrymen of the bayou, he uses a punting pole to propel the boat across the Styx to deliver new souls to Hades’ realm.
The Myth of Hades and Persephone:
The original tales of Hades and Persephone were created to explain the cycle of the seasons. Depending on when the tale was told and where, Hades either kidnaps Persephone, daughter of Demeter, from the field where she was picking flowers or (debated) she went willingly. While in the Underworld, she eats six pomegranate seeds, unwittingly binding her to Hades and the Underworld. Above, Demeter wanders the world in grief for her daughter and refuses to allow plants to grow and bloom. Eventually Zeus must intervene, but because Persephone is now bound to Hades, they have to compromise: She will spend six months of every year above allowing plants to grow (spring and summer) and return to Hades for the next six months (autumn and winter). Sources: Hazy memories of high school history and English classes combined with an amalgamation of Greek mythology in mainstream media (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Disney’s Hercules, Battlestar Galactica 2004, Xena: Warrior Princess, etc.). If you want something more formal than my fuzzy high school memories, I can suggest the Greek Mythology article on Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Greek-mythology
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Miriam Gold pushed open the door to the Golden Lantern and was greeted by the now familiar scent of ginger, sesame, and oil. She shook the light dusting of snow from her coat before entering and stomped the snow from her boots on a mat placed for that purpose. Her favorite corner booth, nestled deep within the restaurant’s red décor, had a small porcelain tea pot wafting steam into the air. Somehow, own Li Wei “Johnny” Chen always knew when she would arrive.
Her hands tightened on the plastic container of rugelach she brought for the kitchen staff when she caught a glimpse of Johnny disappearing through the white curtains that separated the front and back of the restaurant. The curtains parted slightly and she glanced away when she caught Johnny peeking out. The quick look was enough to give her a flutter in her chest, a flutter that whisper maybe, just maybe, this Christmas would feel a little bit different.
Miriam smiled warmly at Xiaoyan at the front counter and set down the container of rugelach. Xiaoyan, who went by Sandy because not many people in their town could pronounce her name, was Johnny’s niece and the “heir apparent” to the Golden Lantern.
“Hey, Sandy. It’s that time again,” Miriam said and pushed the container forward.
“Miss Miriam, you are the best! I know the fellas will love this, as always.” Sandy patted the top of the box gently and jerked her head towards Miriam’s corner. “He guessed you’d be in this afternoon, the tea is ready and he’ll be out soon with your order.”
With a warm smile to Sandy, Miriam set her coat on the rack. She tugged at the sleeves of her cardigan as she crossed the room. Every other restaurant in town closed by noon on Christmas Eve, but here at the Golden Lantern, an eclectic group was starting to form. Her chaotic little Christmas family. She gave a little wave to Jo and Max, the couple who owned the local motorcycle shop next door, and whose families shunned them during the holiday season. The two women had been coming to the Lantern for Christmas Eve almost as long as Miriam had.
The Lantern’s red décor had a smattering of green here and there to match the season. In a booth sporting a small green garland, Chase sat knitting and nodding along with Bella and Rayna, most likely discussing the latest make up trends as they enjoyed dim sum and beers. Miriam gave them a little wave as she slipped into her booth which Bella returned in an enthusiastic wave and clacking of inch long acrylics.
She sat quietly sipping tea as the Christmas Eve regulars trickled in. In ones and twos, singing Christmas carols slightly off-key, decked in a dusting of glitter, or simply dressed in non-holiday wear, they cheerfully greeted each other. Every one of them was alone or away from intolerant families during the holidays and yet, they walked in and interacted with the chaotic warmth of a family. In the decade since her husband’s passing, she had come to think of them as her little holiday family. One of her sons was in the Army, stationed far from her and was rarely able to get the leave to come home. Her other son had won favor with his colleagues by volunteering for Christmas shifts at his ER every year without fail. Miriam had never begrudged them their jobs, as both were saving lives, but the last decade had made the Christian holiday echoingly empty for her. At least, until the Golden lantern had opened seven years ago and she met the soft-spoken and hardworking owner along with the passel of young people who found their family in Johnny’s bright red décor.
“I see our kids are in fine form this year,” Johnny said quietly as he slipped a plate of sesame chicken in front of her.
“Your food is excellent and the, what do they call it? Vibe? The vibe is welcoming,” Miriam told him with a gentle smile.
He gave her a small nod. “I’m making Peking duck for the special tomorrow. That is, if you’ll be returning?” There was something wistful in his question that made Miriam’s chest flutter again.
“Always, Johnny.” She reached out for his hand before pulling it back. “I mean, how could I miss your signature dish?” she asked quickly to cover her embarrassment.
Johnny gave her another nod before heading back toward the kitchen. Sandy asked him something in rapid Chinese and he responded with a quick glance back to Miriam before pushing into the kitchen.
“Ooooh, girl, that’s tea!” Rayna told Bella and Chase at their table.
“You still haven’t told him you speak Chinese?” Bella asked slyly.
“Nope,” she said and bit down on a dumpling. “If the military is going to fire me for being me and lose my skills, I won’t be sharing that I have them.”
“Ok, you naughty bitch, what did he say?” Chase asked without looking up from his knitting.
“Sandy asked him when he was going to ask Miriam out and he said he wasn’t brave enough to reveal his crush.”
Bella’s expertly drawn eyebrows shot up and Chase gave a knowing smile.
“And she has no idea,” Chase said as he set down his knitting.
The trio leaned out of the booth to look at Miriam. Had she not been looking wistfully after Johnny, she would have seen them. But she was so intent on him that she missed even Bella’s big personality and bigger eyebrows staring at her.
“You know what this means?” Bella asked them.
“Meddling?” Rayna said with a wicked smile.
“A little holiday sparkle and magic!” Chase said, matching Reyna’s grin.
“I think we can handle Miriam, but we may need to recruit help with Johnny.” Bella’s eyes fell on Jo and Max across the restaurant from them. “And I know just who.”
Bella, out of her heels and wig from a brunch show, was still an imposing figure in her make up as she approached the couple.
“Ladies,” she said.
“Hey Bella! We caught the show this morning. Loved it! Just the perfect amount of camp.” Jo told her.
“Aww, thank you, baby. But I’m here for another reason. Trying to conjure up a little holiday magic.” She nodded towards the kitchen then looked at Miriam.
“You see it too?” Max asked.
“Mmm hmm. I think it’s time to get Mom and Dad together.”
“Just tell us what you need,” Jo told her.
Bella settled at their table and they started plotting their mischief.
“Well, hey, Ms. Miriam,” Bella crooned a few moments later as she approached Miriam’s table.
“Hey kids, good afternoon.” Miriam shuffled over in her booth to make room for them.
Reyna, nearly as tall as Bella, slid in next to her and tucked her legs up tight. Chase followed Bella in on the other side of the booth.
“We are doing community service today, Ma,” Reyna said earnestly.
“Oh? That’s lovely dear,” Miriam said with a broad smile. “It’s a good season for it. Who are you helping?”
“You,” the trio answered, almost in unison.
“Oh, kids,” she said and gave them a playful swat. “You know I have everything I need.” But her eyes flicked to Jonny, deep in conversation with Jo and Max across the restaurant.
“Mmm hmm,” Bella hummed knowingly. “We’re doing community service glam style this year. And we want to give you a makeover.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little bit of a waste for someone my age?”
Reyna shot a look toward Johnny, Jo, and Max. “No, Ma, I think you are just the perfect candidate.”
Across the restaurant, Johnny yelled towards the back. “Sandy, hold things down a bit, I’m going out.”
Sandy’s head poked out between the curtain, gave the room one look and nodded with a huge grin spread across her cheeks. “You got it, Uncle Johnny.”
“Come with us to the theater. All my makeup is there and the lighting in my dressing room is to die for.” Bella made to rise, forcing Chase to pop up from his seat in the booth.
Reyna stood too and held her hand out for Miriam. “Come on, Ma. It’s the season of giving after all.”
Miriam put her slim hand in Reyna’s large warm hand and allowed herself to be pulled up.
“Wait!” She said and quickly dropped a twenty on the booth’s table before allowing the enthusiastic trio to pull her along.
“Sandy, they’re kidnapping me!” Miriam said with a giggle. “I left money on the table.”
“Thanks, Ms. Miriam,” Sandy said. She gave the tall trio a glance and smiled again. “See you soon.”
They walked briskly in the cold air as a light dusting of snow swirled around them. A short walk later, Bella was tugging on the stage door of their local theater. Inside it was warm and chaotic with bright fabric and shining sequined dressed casually tossed everywhere. Posters with Bella’s face, surrounded by other performers, dotted the walls. Rather than feeling claustrophobic, the space felt cozy. Bella had poured her heart into it, turning a rundown dump of a theater into a thriving enterprise with her drag shows as the crown jewel.
“In here,” she said and pushed open the door to her dressing room.
Unlike the riot outside, dresses of every color and accented with sequins or jewels hung from neat racks. Row upon row of large heels stood in neat lines below them. Two tall white shelves held rows of bright wigs on Styrofoam heads. On the far wall, a counter was weighed down with makeup and dominated by a large, well-lit mirror. The whole room smelled like hairspray and ambition.
Bella pulled her to the dressing table and began assessing her in the light. Over Miriam’s other shoulder, Chase and Reyna peered at her reflection as well.
Miriam considered her reflection as the trio discussed her glow up. The woman who stared back at her was a well lived life wrapped in a cardigan, sensible shoes, and a warm, but cautious smile. She didn’t think of herself as old, but time had certainly left its mark on her. Her once dark brown hair was threaded with gray and fine lines gathered at her eyes. Lines formed by years of smiles and more recently a sharp grief that had slowly ebbed to a dull ache.
She tugged at the hem of her cardigan.
“Oh no, Mom, we are not hiding behind neutrals today!” Bella told her firmly. She put on acrylic tipped finger under Miriam’s chin and tilted it up towards the lights. “This is my sacred space. A temple to transformation,” she gave Reyna a quick smile in the mirror. “And we want to see our sweet Mom glowing with the love and light was all see inside you.”
Miriam reached up and clutched Bella’s hand with a hopeful smile. “Then let’s see what you can do, dear.”
Primers and powder flew under Bella’s expert touch. Reyna pawed through lipsticks until she came up with the perfect shaded of cranberry. But Chase frowned slightly as he took in her frame.
“Bella, nothing you have is going to fit her,” he said quietly.
Bella and Reyna, both well over six feet tall, looked down at Miriam.
“No, definitely not.” Reyan’s gaze whipped back to Chase. “You on the other hand…”
“Oh, yes!” Bella’s smile turned wicked once more. “Chase, I saved everything from your foray into drag. It’s in bay three. Be a dear and fetch it.”
“You really saved it?” he asked with a hesitant smile.
“You did drag, dear?” Miriam asked in almost the same second.
Chase blushed and nodded.
“He was excellent!” Bella declared. “Brought down the house. But his coworkers were less than enthusiastic about it, so he dropped out.”
Miriam placed a hand on Chases’ wrist. “I’m sure you were excellent, dear. And if you ever need someone to knock sense in those banker boys, you let me know.”
“Mom?”
“Son, with a name like ‘Gold,’ did you think I was poor?” Miriam’s voice was laced with a wicked laugh. “One word from their biggest personal account and I’m quite certain I can halt that nonsense. Do what you love, baby.” She gave his wrist a squeeze.
“Thank you, Mom.” Chase placed a quick kiss on her cheek.
“Don’t you mess with her foundation!” Bella swatted at him. “I don’t have setting spray down yet! Go get your wardrobe.”
Miriam glanced in the mirror as he dashed down the hallway. “You aren’t trying something ridiculous like making me look twenty again, are you?”
“No, we want something elegant. You’ll look age appropriate, whatever that means, but refreshed and bright. Our Christmas Mother needs to look like the regal queen she is,” Bella told her.
Reyna’s hands were steady, almost reverent, as she brushed Miriam’s cheeks. The delicate pink blush glided on, her touch light as snowfall. “The best looks come from working with that you have. I have a strong jawline, but it’s softened with the right contour. You have beautiful bone structure,” Reyna murmured. “In case you forgot.”
“I may have. No one has reminded me of it lately.”
“Criminal,” Bella said with theatrical outrage. “Absolutely criminal. Perhaps our work and bring the right kind of eyes to your look.”
Miriam blushed, thinking of Johnny, and the look on Bella and Reyna’s faces told her that’s what they hoped for too.
Bella was pulling out a brush and curling iron as Chase burst back in, arms full of fabric. Teal, cranberry, gold, and something that shimmered under Bella’s lights. He held them up for Bella’s approval.
“Cranberry,” Bella said quickly. “Your face is done, go slip into that pantsuit and no peeking!”
When Miriam emerged from the corner changing space, the trio had turned the chair away from the mirror.
“The best part of the makeover is always the reveal,” Reyna told her and patted the chair.
They went to work on her hair. Ironing. Curling. Setting. Spraying. Miriam let the last of her worry flow out, putting her trust in her holiday family.
“Ready?” Bella asked her when they were all done.
Miriam nodded and they spun her around. She inhaled sharply.
As promised, she didn’t look younger. But she looked … present. A spark of the old her shone through. She looked bright eyed and hopeful.
Her curls were tamed into something soft and loose. Her cheeks were a perfect hue of pink and her lips matched the cranberry suit she wore, bringing a warmth to her look.
Miriam felt something loosen inside her chest. Not grief exactly. Not loss. Just the quiet release of a woman remembering herself.
“Oh,” she said softly, fingers hovering over her chest. “Well. Would you look at that.”
Bella beamed. “There you are, Mom.”
Johnny stood on a small pedestal facing three mirrors, tilted to catch him from every angle. An older man of unassuming height and quiet demeanor looked back at him, his hands rubbing the khaki pants Jo and Max had pushed at him.
“You’re doing the thing again, Johnny,” Max said from where she lounged against a wall, chewing thoughtfully on a toothpick.
Johnny blinked as Jo circled him with a sharp, appraising look. “What thing?”
“That thing where you try to fade into the background. You’re more than furniture, Johnny. You don’t need permission to exist.”
Jo smiled at her partner. Max caught her hand and brought it to her lips, kissing it gently. “No one needs permission to exist,” Jo said quietly. “Now stand up straight, Jonny, I want to see how the break in those trousers hits.”
“I’m fine, ladies.” He assured them. “This is already too much trouble. Miriam comes to eat. I cook. She likes my food. It’s as simple as that. That’s enough.”
“Just because we had a time finding the last open men’s clothing shop on Christmas Eve doesn’t mean it was trouble. You’re worth it,” Jo assured him.
“It’s not enough, Johnny, its safe. There’s a difference.” Max ran a hand through her short blonde hair. She watched as Jo pulled a pine green shirt from the rack. “You can exist. That’s safe. Or you can love. That’s living.”
Jo helped him into the shirt, color as rich as pine needles against snow. She buttoned it with a loving tenderness. “You take care of everyone in your restaurant,” she told him. “You listen. You care. You give us misfits a place to land. You’re our holiday Dad and you love us. Why do you think you don’t deserve the same?”
Johnny swallowed. “Because love is a risk. I’m old. I’m set in my life. I can continue like this happily.”
“But are you surviving? Or are you living?” Jo asked quietly.
“Love is a risk but so is living,” Max told him. “Ask any one of your holiday kids how much of their life is a risk.”
Johnny nodded. The ladies were right. He’d seen his ‘kids’ come in on their worst days. He’d seen Chase come in with bruises he never addressed and offered a place to stay if he ever felt unsafe. After that, Chase had come in once a week for wonton soup and fatherly advice since that time.
Reyna had been a mess in the months after she had been kicked out of the Army. Upset by the loss of her livelihood and feeling unbalanced as she started her hormones, Reyna had been on the brink of something drastic. Johnny had quietly called in Bella, whose show was just starting to take off, and the two had hit it off. Johnny had let Reyna cash on his couch for weeks while looking for a job and housing.
He had even helped Jo and Max on occasion. While the two women were formidable, yoked with muscle from years of handling bikes and heavy tools, on rare occasions they would text Johnny or Sandy said they had trouble. On those days, the entire kitchen emptied out into their joint parking lot and anyone harassing the two women were faced with a small posse armed with knives and Johnny’s pump action shotgun.
Johnny picked his eyes up from the floor and gave them a smile. “I do love my family.”
“You love Miriam too,” Jo said as she slipped the straps to a pair of suspenders up his shoulders.
Johnny nodded again.
“And she loves being there. Around you,” Max told him.
Jo adjusted his collar and stepped back for him to look. The man in the mirror was barely recognizable. His face was the same, but he was stronger. Braver.
“People say this is the season of miracles,” Jo said and leaned into Max’s shoulder. “We say it’s the season of taking chances.”
Johnny rolled his shoulders back and stood up straight. The smile on his lips was small, but real.
On our way back, ETA 5 minutes.
Jo’s phone dinged as Max drove them back. She gave Max a significant look and held up five fingers.
“Perfect, so are we,” Max said quietly.
“Should we park around back, Johnny?” Jo asked him.
“Yes please, you can use my usual spot.”
Same ETA. We’re coming in the back. You all coming in the front?
Guuuuurl. Don’t tease me. 😉
Chase!
Yes, we’ll have Miriam upfront.
Jo nodded at Max as she pulled into Johnny’s parking spot.
The trio walked past the dumpster and pushed into the kitchen. His staff gave him a round of nods and waves as he walked past. The tinkling sound of the bell on the Golden Lantern’s front door told them Miriam and her trio were returning as well.
“Be bold, Johnny. Be brave.” Max told him with a slap on the back. She held back the white curtain and stepped aside.
The two groups stood facing each other. The younger folks grinning and their two holiday parents finally seeing one another.
Both froze, clearly stunned by the others’ transformation.
Johnny broke the silence first with a sharp inhale as he took in Miriam in her cranberry suit. Miriam gave Johnny an appreciative look before her face fell. She shook her head and took a step back.
“No. No, I can’t,” she whispered.
Pushing between Bella and Reyna, she fled through the door into the snowy evening. The younger crowd gave a sigh of disappointment and Johnnys shoulders sagged.
An hour later, their hastily assembled group chat was a hub of frustration and disappointment.
Jo: B, she looked so lovely.
Bella: Thanks, Jo. She seemed so happy and light as we walked over. I don’t know what happened.
Chase: They’re both scared.
Max: I mean, who isn’t scared by the idea of opening yourself up?
There was a round of agreement amongst them.
Reyna: What they need is an intervention.
Chase: Yes! We need to lure them in, get them together, then ditch them so they have to deal with each other AND their feelings.
Max: one sec…
**Sandy has entered the chat**
Max: Hey, Sandy. We’re doing our best but these two are just the worst! Got any ideas on how to make your Uncle let his guard down?
Sandy: I sure do. You are all invited to join us in our annual family dumpling circle.
Chase: You have an annual family dumpling circle?
Sandy: We do now! 🙂
Chase: ^.^
Sandy: Uncle will be at the shop all day but bring Miriam by around 3. That’s between the lunch and dinner rush. I’ll make sure everything is set up.
Bella: Love you Sandy, kisses doll.

At three the next afternoon Miriam, holding another container, this time filled with fresh latkes, was tugged through the door by a gently insistent Reyna. She was back in her usual cardigan and slacks but had picked a dark blue that set off the beautiful gold necklace and earrings she wore.
“I swear, Ma, we’re just making dumplings. Sandy says it’s a family thing and since we’re all practically family at this point, we’re welcomed to join.”
“Are you sure, Reyna?” There was a flutter in her chest at the mention of Jonny’s family. “I’m so embarrassed about yesterday. I don’t know what came over me. He was there and looking so handsome and I just…”
“Chickened out?”
“Yes,” Miriam said glumly.
“It’s ok, Ma. It’s human. But please, promise me that you’ll stay this time? I’ll be with you the whole time.”
“I promise.”
Sandy waved them in and pointed to the white curtain that separated the front and back of the restaurant.
“Hanukkah ended a few days ago, but I made you some fresh latkes,” Miriam told Sandy and held up the container.
“If they’re half as good as those little pastries you brought yesterday, they’ll be gone before we’ve boiled the last batch of dumplings.” Sandy took them with a smile.
They ducked through and she steered them to a big stainless-steel table near the back door. The rest of their little family sat around it with flour strewn everywhere and a pale dough resting in a stainless-steel bowl.
“The dough has already rested, now we need to roll the wrappers and fill them.” Sandy gave Miriam a quick grin. “Don’t worry, Ms. Miriam, its chicken dumplings; we’ll save the pork dumplings for later.”
“Thank you, dear,” Miriam said and placed a gentle hand on her arm.
Sandy set her hand on top and gently steered Miriam to the table before she could flee again. There were several open seats as they approached and Miriam was disappointed to see Johnny already flanked by Bella and Jo.
“Hey, Jo. You are righty or a lefty?” Sandy asked her.
“Southpaw,” Jo told her.
“Damn, Uncle Johnny is a righty, you two will be bumping elbows all night. Miriam, are you right handed?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Great. Jo, go sit by your lovely wife, Ms. Miriam, go sit by Uncle.”
Miriam blushed but took Jo’s vacant seat. She gave Johnny a small smile, which he hesitantly returned.
“Ok family, listen up because dumplings are tough little boogers. The dough dries fast and if you don’t wrap them right, they’ll fall apart while I boil them.” Sandy slapped the dough in front of her. “Left side of the table, you’ll be rolling. Right side, you’ll be filling and wrapping.”
“Which side is left?” Chase asked.
“My left! You,” she said and pointed a flour dusted finger at him.
“Yes, ma’am, drill sergeant,” he said with a mock salute. “Sorry,” he said when he saw Reyna cringe.
“Roll them thin. Like CD thin. And don’t tell me you don’t know what a CD is, you aren’t that much younger than me! Then pass it across.” Sandy turned her focus to Miriam, Johnny, and Bella. “You three will be filling and wrapping. Uncle Johnny, I’ll let you demonstrate with me.”
Sandy rolled a long line of dough then quickly chopped it into a dozen evenly sized portions. She didn’t speak as her hands rolled the dough is practiced ease. She held one up to show how delicate it was before passing it to Johnny. Like Sandy, his hands moved with an ease that spoke of long years making dumplings. A dab of filling went into its center before Johnny’s deft fingers rolled and pinched the dumpling into its final shape.
Something about Johnny’s movements made Miriam blush and look away to hide a grin.
Miriam’s blush was lost to Johnny but not the others at the table. A round of knowing smiles flashes between the younger generation.
“And that’s it,” Sandy said. “We’ll help you but after a few tries, I’m sure you’ll get the hand of it.”
The group began to roll and assemble the dumplings, easily chatting away while Christmas music played in the background. By the time the third variation of “Carol of the Bells” played, Sandy was hard at work dropping their assembled dumplings into a large pot of boiling water. A few had fallen apart during the first round but with some gentle corrections from her and Johnny, the group had improved.
“I think I need a quick bathroom break,” Jo said suddenly. She looked at Max who nodded.
“Me too. We’ll be right back.”
“Hey, Johnny, think we could raid the cooler?” Chase asked.
Johnny gave a light laugh and smiled. “You’ve been hard at work; I think you’ve earned it.”
“Thanks, Pops,” he said. “Reyna, Bella, help me carry some in here.”
The trio popped up and sauntered to the front of the restaurant with the casual coolness of someone trying very hard to look casual and failing.
“Oh my god, I think I’ve needed to use the bathroom for an hour now,” Sandy said abruptly. “This batch is good. I’ll pick up when I get back.”
Sandy tossed her apron over a chair and followed the others, leaving Johnny and Miriam alone at the table.
The kitchen seemed to grow quiet with only the soft bubbling of Sandy’s pot and the holiday hits coming from the radio.
Miriam wanted to say something. Something to make up for her fleeing the day before. Her mouth opened then closed.
“I wanted to say –” Johnny started.
“I’m really sorry about yesterday –” Miriam began as well.
“Oh, I’m sorry, you first,” Johnny told her.
Miriam blushed. “I’m so sorry about running out yesterday. You looked very nice.”
For the first time, Johhny blushed. “Thank you, Miriam. You looked good too.”
Silence fell between them again.
Miriam watched Johnny from the corner of her eye, studying how deftly he wrapped the dumplings. The flutter in her chest returned.
“Johnny, I –” she began to say but her words seemed to startle him and he dropped the ball of flour he was holding onto a pile of flour. The ball’s impact sent flour flying over the pair.
Miriam sat with her mouth hanging open for a moment before bursting into laughter. She popped up off her stool and dusted herself off. Johnny rose too and she reached out to pat the flour off of him as well. His hand caught hers as she dusted his chest.
Their eyes met and for a moment, the world melted away. A shy and hesitant smile crossed Johnny’s face and he caressed her hand with his thumb.
“I love your laugh. It lights up everything around you,” he told her earnestly. “You bring light into this place. Into me.”
“You’ve been my favorite part of Christmas, long before I realized it,” she told him with a blush.
Max’s words echoed in Johnny’s ears: Be bold. Be brave.
He leaned in and very gently kissed Miriam on the lips. She responded by pressing herself closer to him, wrapping her hands around his neck as she kissed him passionately.
The cheers that erupted from the white curtain, pulled all the way back now, finally broke them apart. Their little family rushed in and caught them in a huge group hug. Reyna held a sprig of mistletoe over their heads and without a word, the two kissed again.
“I guess we really will have to make this an annual family tradition,” Sandy said with a happy sigh.
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Let me start with a disclaimer, I am currently an introvert. People can be exhausting and very taxing on my energy and mental health. That said, I was born an extrovert and lived that way for the first 35 years of my life. My interpersonal skills are built around being an extrovert, so these were not skills I had to learn. (How did I swap? Well, trauma can remap the brain and the rest I only discuss with my partner or therapist.)
Initial thoughts/expectations
I am an avid cosplayer and have been to countless comic and pop culture conventions. I know what to expect as an attendee but had very little insight into what it would be on the other side of the booth. So, I did what any good author would do, I researched the hell out of it.





And by “research” I mean “I read a bunch of stuff on Reddit and a few blogs.” The other option was to scroll through a million TikToks primarily focused on selling a book, not teaching other authors. I also have a good friend and mentor who helped me when I lobbed questions at him which was better than 100 hours of research.
Based on the research, I learned that sitting passively behind your table won’t sell books. Unlike artists and fandom retailers, books do not sell themselves. At a comic or pop culture convention, you have a captive audience and fanbase that is there for the express purpose of buying merchandise from their favorite movies, shows, anime, and games. They are actively seeking the products those merchants offer and it’s an easy sell with a good display. But books? Look, if any of us were big enough that folks were seeking out our merchandise, you wouldn’t need to be reading this right now. So, I learned I would have to be proactive in engaging with convention attendees to tell them why they wanted to buy my book.
Which, as an introvert, is slightly terrifying.
Fortunately for me, I had three big things supporting me: a veteran author with years of experience at conventions just across the aisle from me who took me under his wing, a husband who was willing to attend with me and be my “booth beef,” and 35 years of extrovert skills so I could “fake it ‘til I make it” for a weekend.


Arrival
I took off from work the day we departed to pack not only my usual luggage but also a full cart of books, merchandise, and a table set up. My husband took a half day off of work which meant we were able to head out a little past noon, arriving at our hotel not long after dinner. This gave us an evening to unpack and unwind before the whirlwind weekend.
Huntsville Expo allows vendors to set up starting Thursday night but with our later arrival (and admittedly small table) we didn’t need and couldn’t use that time. We got to the convention hall as soon as it opened on Friday and had way more time than we needed. They gave me two badges with a “Vendor” note at the bottom and we were on our way.
Huntsville’s “Artist/Author Alley” is relatively small and most folks have only a single table unless, like my mentor, you’re selling a lot. He takes up two tables easily. I arrived at a single plastic table, two chairs, and my spot marked in tape. I think one of my neighbors who had an endcap had already set up the night before and the other arrived not long before the doors opened.
Table set up
As I said above, books do not sell themselves and a good table set up is critical to attracting a buyer’s attention. I focused on building a recognizable “brand” at this event. I had two large banners in my signature color with my name and the logo from my book’s fictional military unit.
For added flair, since it aligned with the book, I bought polo shirts in the same color and sewed on patches to make it look more “official.” That had the intended effect because by Sunday word got back to me that everyone knew which booth I was at and it was very recognizable.

I arranged my books with fiction on one side and my cheeky little day planners on the other side. They were all propped up on cheap plastic stands from Amazon with a full stack of books behind them. One of the best bits of advice I gleaned from Reddit was to have copies of the books available for folks to handle then when they wanted to buy get them a “fresh copy” from the back of the stack. It puts the idea of “fresh books” in the customer’s mind and it means only one of each type of book is being manhandled each day.


If I could do anything differently, I would have used a black tablecloth (I had a checkered one from Walmart because it was all I could find) and I would have had a quote from my book or something else that keyed readers into what type of books I sell.
Pricing
I dithered over my pricing a lot until I talked to James. I wanted to give a slight “convention discount” and he told me not to be stupid, lol. I ended up setting my individual book prices to match my online retail price, rounded up to make cash sales easier. The only discount I offered was if someone bought both of my novels, bought three or more planners, or if they bought a demo copy of any item. This was a great way to sell the second book in my series to a reader who had never heard of me. No one balked at my pricing so I can’t say that I’ll do anything different this year.
The only thing I haven’t figured out is selling e-books in person. Some have suggested using Book Funnel, but I haven’t had the time to investigate. Thus far, I figure there’s something special about walking away with an autographed book in hand and everything else isn’t worth my time right now.
The hand sell technique: If you read nothing else, read this part!
Here’s the magic formula for hand-selling books at a convention: A hook, the pitch, and grace. That’s it. Sure, you can add some flare and drama, but ultimately, you only need those three things to sell your books at a convention.
It took me several hours on Friday to really nail my hook and pitching technique but by Saturday I was a sales powerhouse. Even my husband was surprised by my effectiveness, “I’ve seen you ‘people’ before, but I’ve never seen it to this level. It was crazy to watch!”
I developed this from someone’s notes on Reddit (all apologies to that author because I cannot for the life of me find it anymore to link them for credit) and from my mentor James Young while we were at the convention.
Your hook: This is what gets folks to come to your booth and engage with you and the book. Flashy signs are good, but books don’t sell themselves, you have to show the reader why they want to buy your book. I started by standing outside my booth trying to engage folks as they walked past but I think it was too forward so I took James’s technique and would ask folks one simple question as they walked by, “Hey, what kind of books do you like to read?”
It’s simple and effective. It gets them to engage with me and if their answer is anywhere within the realms of my genre, I move on to the pitch. If not, or they give me the polite wave off, that is when grace comes in. Disengage gracefully, don’t force it. All authors know that their books are not for everyone. A romantasy reader probably won’t buy a military thriller. A historical fiction reader may not want science fiction. Know your book and know which genres it could fit into, even if that’s not how Amazon or Barnes and Noble label it.
Your pitch: Once I had someone at my table for the novels I would physically put a copy of my first book in their hand, direct them to read the first paragraph, and then ask if they’d be interested in reading more. I’d guess that 90% of the time, the first sentence hooked them and they’d agree to buy the first book. At that point, I’d try to push the second book, noting that it was a “special convention deal” if they bought both. A few did and most of the sales for my second book came from that.
This is where my formerly extroverted skills come in. I can read people and modify my pitch on the fly. A person walks by in a superhero shirt? “Hey, you like superhero books? I got something for you!” Cool cosplay? Ask them how they made it and where they sourced parts. If a window of opportunity came up to lead them into the book, take it; if not, accept it with grace. Subtle or unsubtle pride tattoo or pin? Friend, I think you need my The Gay Agenda planner.
(I occasionally engaged the Star Wars fans in lightsaber duels. But that was more for me to have fun and less about selling books.)


The last part, which made me most uncomfortable, was offering to autograph the books. I assumed, and rightfully so, that no one knows who I am as an author. I also assumed that due to being relatively unknown, no one wants an autograph. However, James and a few online author friends reminded me that part of what people like about buying books from authors in person is that they can get personal face time and an autograph, even from an unknown. So, I recommend packing markers and practicing your signature!
How it went
Friday afternoon/evening:
Friday at Huntsville is a half day. Doors don’t open until 3 pm and the convention hall shuts down around 8 pm. This was a great opportunity to try my pitch, try engaging with people, and really nail down my technique.
I’ll be honest, my first pitch was terrible. I tried giving my “elevator pitch” to folks but it was too long and didn’t capture the book’s essence. I lost them. I also emphasized the wrong parts of my book. My original publisher pushed the “military thriller” aspects of my book but that was never the heart of the book. It’s a character-driven action novel with superhero-type “powers” that happens to be set in a military organization.
James gave me a few pointers and I changed things up. I started hooking more people and once they were at the table I started dialing in how I pitched to different people based on how I read them. By the end of the first day, I had modest sales, but a solid sales plan: hook, pitch, push the second book, autograph the books, and put one of my bookmarks in with all my socials and website.
I viewed my modest sales as a paid apprenticeship, I was being paid to learn how to sell books to people.
At the end of the night, we loaded the merchandise into my bin and wheeled it out to stay in my car overnight. In retrospect, it was probably safe enough to throw my tablecloth over it each night as the convention halls were locked each night and I didn’t have high-dollar items.
Saturday:
Saturday is a three-ring circus with the highest sales. We arrived Saturday morning about an hour before the doors opened to get the table set up again and calm my nerves before they opened the doors. And holy hell, when they opened the doors it was a FLOOD of people. Introverts, gird your loins for a Saturday convention because it’s overwhelming.
My best advice for a Saturday, outside of how to sell books, is to pace yourself, make friends with neighboring booth owners, and have ways to disengage if you get overwhelmed.
Saturday at Huntsville is from 10 am until 6 pm but they let the VIP folks in a half hour early so anticipate it being a full nine hours of convention plus set up and tear down. From other conventions I’ve attended this is typical but YMMV.
We figured out pretty quickly that folks who came by wanted to talk to the author and not a booth assistant, or as I call him, my “booth beef.” (As opposed to a “booth babe,” lol.) Hubby was great at engaging people and hooking them, but once they were at the table, sales definitely fell to me. It also meant that I didn’t want to be away from my booth for too long. I took bathroom breaks and the occasional break to regain my mental balance, but for things that took longer, like food, he got that for us.
This is where having an assistant and making friends with your neighbors is important. If you need to step away, a neighbor or assistant can tell folks “Oh, they’ll be right back but feel free to browse” and gently discourage folks from the “five finger discount.”
Sunday:
Sunday was the easiest and slowest day and my mantra was “Dig deep and finish.” I’d hazard a guess that Sunday was mostly folks with full weekend passes coming in for all the merchandise they’d been eyeing and the few folks who couldn’t make it Saturday.
My biggest win on Sunday was seeing a woman walk by, arms already full of books, and calling out “Hey, you look like you could use some more books!” I was joking but I’ll be damned if she didn’t do a U-turn, take the pitch, then buy both novels.
What merchandise did I bring
I brought both of my novels, with a two-to-one ratio of the first book to the second. I sold out of my first novel and sold probably half of my second book stock. I also bought ten of each of my top four most popular day planners. One was a dud, one was fairly popular, one missed out on a lot of sales because it had a “naughty word” (shit) on the cover and I had to dissuade parents from buying it for their kids, and the last one sold out. I plan on tweaking which planners I bring this time, but I’d say they were a success and helped fill my table.
I also had cloth patches and vinyl stickers for sale, but they didn’t get much traction. As I said, I’m a relatively unknown author so my personal merchandise isn’t a hot item. I did have lower quality stickers which I gave out to kids (with the parent’s permission); those seemed to be a hit and drew a few folks back at the end of the day because they served as a reminder.


I also had bookmarks I tucked into every book I sold as well as business cards to hand out for those on the fence. I also handed them out when I sold out my first novel and one of my day planners for folks asking where they could buy them.
Gracefully handling “booth barnacles”
While I admit that I am a relatively unknown author, I’m not completely unknown and have a small fan base. I’m also a woman and while I’ll never be a cover model, I’m not unattractive and I’m friendly. All of these things can lead to folks wanting to hang around the booth to chit-chat or just have the experience of hanging out with someone who they think is cool. I’m flattered to think folks want to hang out but unfortunately, my booth is very small and more than one person just hanging out can block folks from being able to check out the books. It also steals my attention when I should be trying to hook folks in.
I found that for most folks a polite “well, thanks for stopping by” and then turning my attention to folks in the aisle worked. The less socially conscious folks didn’t take the hint and I had to be more blunt with a polite, “I appreciate you hanging out but need to ask you to give my booth space for folks to buy.”
My husband, who is 6’2” and jacked, also realized people would react differently based on whether he was sitting down or standing up. When I was engaging with female convention goers, he was usually sitting down so he didn’t seem imposing. When I had a group of men I was engaged with, he usually stood a bit behind me, a silent sentinel.
We also looked out for the lady in the small booth next to us and at least once she and I made meaningful eye contact that meant she needed a hand with someone. My husband shuffled over to loom between our booths and the guy scampered off. Don’t be a jerk, help your fellow artists.
Tracking money
I used Square to track my sales. I had their app and a card reader for credit card sales plus I logged cash sales in the app. While I’m not saying run out and get Square, I did like that I had my inventory pre-loaded, and I had a final tally of sales at the end when I needed to pay taxes. Additionally, I have transitioned it to selling autographed books online through their free webpage.
I had a way higher number of folks pay with credit cards but I did have cash on hand for folks who paid in cash. I recommend keeping a few smaller bills in a small zippered bag and the rest on your person. That way if anyone decides to be a jerk and take your money, you’re never out more than the amount in the bag, not all of it.
Whatever method you use for sales, keep meticulous notes because the tax man cometh at the end of the convention. I had enough cash sales that I forked over my taxes from the cash and that was that. Larger merchants had to pay with credit cards.
Recovery each night
Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, conventions are draining. We took time each night to have a healthy dinner, a little wine, and put our feet up. I am fortunate that I have a husband who reads me and knows I just needed quiet time to decompress before I’m ready to connect again. We’d scroll through social media and sip wine before finally getting to our usual evening chit-chat.
I highly recommend knowing what fills your tanks back up and being ready to do that in the evening. Go work out, play video games, scroll social media, take a good shower, or whatever does it for you.
Final thoughts
Selling books at a convention is its own skill set. You won’t be perfect the first time so be open to changing it up. I was lucky to have a supportive husband in my booth and a mentor across the aisle from me for my first convention. That allowed me to step back when I needed it and outside observers who could help me see what I was missing in my pitch. I recommend bringing a trusted friend or even splitting a table with a fellow author your first time so you have that second set of eyes.
Did I make a ton of money? No. Hahaha. But was it the equivalent of a paid apprenticeship? Yes, and for that I considered this a success.
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Chapter 1
Here is the first look at the third novel in the Limitless Logistics series, was released on December 15, 2024. Just like The Memo and Make It Three while there are no spoilers, I highly recommend you finish reading “Pantheon” and “Pantheon 2: Ares & Athena” prior to reading as the characters and their roles will make much more sense that way.
Haven’t bought it yet? You can find Pantheon in both paperback and e-book on Amazon as well as “Pantheon 2: Ares & Athena.”
Already read it? I’d love you to write a recommendation on GoodReads or on Amazon!
Valerie “Athena” Hall – 0854L/1254Z, 17 OCT
From her office in the depths of the downtown Limitless Logistics office, Val’s eyes occasionally flicked to the CCTV video at the edge of her monitor. She was grinding through the day’s paperwork, a military construction project known as a MILCON effort, for the 467th Logistical Group’s new headquarters at Fort Belvoir, Virginia. The proposal was months late and already over budget. Val ground her teeth, anticipating the fight she would have with Missouri’s senior Senator Maureen Mitchell and the Pantheon’s grudging ally. Val sighed and irritably pushed her red-gold hair behind her shoulder again. Reading the report was far less stimulating than watching potential Pantheon candidates arrive for screening.
Just two months ago, when the Pantheon’s extraordinary and highly secret gifts had been exposed on the greens of the National Mall, they had taken an aggressive and controversial step of opening the front doors to the public. In Mandy’s first national address as “Hestia,” she had welcomed anyone and everyone who thought they belonged in Limitless Logistics to show up to see if they possessed teleportation skills, called “Jumping” by the Pantheon. A week later, the first flock of candidates arrived and quick thinking on Val’s part had weeded out the group of hopefuls, revealing Jafar and Rachel as having their vaunted power.
They had since adopted her method as their standard method of screening. A member of the so-called Pantheon, usually Damarcus, would greet the candidates with a firm handshake, telepathically impress Point Zero’s image into their minds, then teleport to the location with an expectation those with the ability would follow. Like Jafar and Rachel, those who truly possessed the skill would know how to follow him. Those who didn’t were gently but firmly escorted out by security.
Two months, Val thought.
They had a flood of people try to join them and had been forced to formalize the meeting and time. Today was the advertised in-processing day and Val hoped to find just one real candidate in the usual flock of wannabes.
Her eyes flicked to the monitor again.
In two months, only one other person had been able to follow Damarcus to the Jump room. Val wanted to groan just thinking of Braxton Chadwick Nelson’s dubious tenure at Limitless Logistics. Chadwick, who hated his first name, was already twenty-nine, far older than even Val when she appeared. He admitted to being able to Jump for the past handful of years and to using his ability, plus his family’s considerable wealth, to wander the world partying. He also admitted that his decade-long cocaine habit had impeded his ability to Jump on more than one occasion.
Val’s jaw clenched. The little shit had been nothing but trouble since arriving, taking a stance of entitlement at every opportunity, even sneering at their considerable pay, which far exceeded anything Val had ever thought achievable in her life. To Chadwick and his family, it was a small addition to the interest from their considerable holdings.
The Limitless Logistics team had been working on getting him ready to be on missions, but so far, none of the Pantheon or their partner agencies had been willing to accept him for a full mission.
Val had nine active Pantheon members to cover two companies with distinctly different missions and she desperately needed more. Unfortunately, that meant she kept Chadwick on her books, despite his obvious flaws. Even if he was never truly useful, she wanted to keep the little party animal in check and keep him from making a bad name for them.
The newly reformed and rebranded Limitless Logistics held true to its roots and was the premier “just in time” logistics company, hauling humanitarian aid, organ transplants, or critical commercial and non-military cargo for those who could pay. The former Limitless Logistics had been split, chipping off the military personnel and cargo movements into Spartan Tactical. And overseeing it all was Valerie “Athena” Hall, CEO of Athena Strategic Enterprises, or the 467th Logistical Group, and her stalwart deputy, Damarcus Washington. She hated splitting apart Marco Martinez’s hard work, but after being exposed in what had been dubbed the “Battle for D.C.” the rebranding had been necessary.
Val’s desperation for new members to fill two companies was enough to allow Chadwick to remain on the Limitless Logistics roster but it wasn’t great enough to let him work alone yet. Jafar and Rachel, though slightly less new than Chadwick, had issues that limited the missions to which they could be assigned. She sighed, absent-mindedly running a hand through her red-gold hair, and let her gaze wander.
The monitor streamed the feeds from security cameras at the building’s front door, lobby, and a small conference room that doubled as an in-processing or briefing room. She watched a few people loitering within camera range of the front door and checked her clock. They had six minutes until the designated screening time and Val didn’t anticipate many of them heading inside for at least three more minutes.
Despite a media blitz designed to show Limitless Logistics and its personnel in a positive light, not everyone in America had bought their message. Many people were scared of their capabilities, even as they sought to join them. Val sighed and twirled her pen around her thumb.
From opposite sides of the screen, two men turned and started toward the door. Val watched as one opened the door and held it for the other, a charming smile on his face. She squinted. It was difficult to see from the CCTV cameras, but the man looked familiar and she squinted harder, trying to overcome the low resolution of the camera. As the front doors closed behind them, she saw others start walking toward the entryway.
Val clicked on the audio for the conference room, intending to listen to the welcoming brief. It didn’t change much from week to week, but she did occasionally enjoy the startled exclamations as the week’s briefer seemed to appear from thin air or Jumped abruptly away. Val checked the roster and saw that Damarcus was doing this week’s briefing. She smiled. Her Deputy had an easy manner and calm smile that set even the most skittish applicants at ease.
Setting her paperwork aside, Val abandoned any pretense and focused on her screen. She counted five people in the room now and scrutinized their faces, looking for any sign that they might possess the natural ability to teleport from one location to another and weren’t just there to sneak a peek inside the building.
One woman’s face showed a slight smirk and Val dismissed her as a looky-loo, possibly a reporter from an obscure tabloid or social media “influencer” looking for the real inside scoop. It had happened at least twice so far and Val shook her head over the lengths folks would go to for their own fame.
Two men sat easily in the plush leather chairs at the conference table and Val mentally dismissed them as well; if they had the skill, they would look more nervous. Val searched the screen for the two she’d seen first enter the building. One, a dour-looking man, stood tensely near the door. Val squinted again and tried to find the one who had looked familiar as Damarcus Jumped into the room, but she could only see his shoulder, just out of the frame.
She chuckled as half the people reacted to his arrival. The woman’s smirk wiped from her face as she stood from her chair, the dour man’s frown deepened, and the two lounging at the conference table pushed back. The man who had been out of the frame stepped close and Val could see his face clearly for the first time.
Shock hit her like a frigid wave and she went rigid in her chair.
“Anna!” Val shouted to her secretary. “Anna, get the conference room on the line right now! Don’t let Dee pass the Jump room location!”
Val watched in horror, strangely transfixed and unable to move, as Damarcus started his welcome speech, unaware of who sat in the room.
“Good morning and welcome to Limitless Logistics. I understand you are presenting yourself as candidate logistics officers?” He scanned their faces as they nodded. Just like shy middle schoolers on the first day of class, no one volunteered to speak.
Val could hear the phone on the conference room table ring as he spoke.
“Very well, then. I am Damarcus Washington. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”
He walked from behind the lectern. “Now, if you are the kind of candidate we’re seeking, you will be able to follow me.”
Something in Val unfroze as he moved. She Jumped to the conference room, determined to intercept Damarcus before he could pass Point Zero’s location, deep inside their facility. Despite her new resolve, she was too late to stop Damarcus from shaking hands with Apollo, an agent of Svoboda, the Russian terrorist version of their organization.
“Dee, that’s Apollo!” Val shouted.
Apollo whipped around to regard her. His face was unreadable and in the moment, the only thing Val took in was his presence.
“They are coming. You have to evacuate your headquarters,” Apollo said in barely accented but stilted English. “They are coming for you.” He gave a slight bow of his head to her and Jumped away.
Damarcus looked at her questioningly, his warm brown eyes meeting her wide-open hazel. “Who?”
“One of Miller’s Svoboda teammates from this spring,” she told him. Val snatched the ringing phone. “Anna, flush the building,” she said quickly and hung up.
“Oh, fuck. Val, oh God, Val. I didn’t even realize!” Damarcus told her as his light brown face went pale.
Val shook her head and turned to the candidates. “Get out!” She turned back to Damarcus, “Dee, I’m arming up. Meet me in the Jump room.”
Val Jumped to her office and grabbed the small handgun holstered under her desk. “Anna, flush everyone!” She yelled out into the outer office as she snapped the magazine into a Sig Sauer P380.
“Already on it, General Hall,” Anna called back.
“Everyone, Anna,” she said, thumbing the safety off. “Call Hank to warn him. We’ve been breached.”
A breach by those who shared her ability to teleport was her nightmare. Once someone had the visual impression of a space, any space, they could teleport in and out at their will. The handshake Damarcus shared with Apollo had deliberately impressed the image of Point Zero, deeply embedded behind their security lines in his mind. The image was now available to anyone Apollo cared to share it with, including his Svoboda teammates.
Anna nodded once, head already pressing the little used red phone to her shoulder as Val Jumped into their Point Zero, the room specifically set aside for barrier-free teleportation departures and arrivals and unoriginally named the “Jump room.” The tall, blond-haired, and blue-eyed man stood calmly in the middle of the room, clearly waiting for her. Val snapped her weapon up and pointed it at his chest.
“Why?” was all she could grind out. An alarm started blaring and Val heard Anna’s calm voice call across the interphone system. Her finger twitched on the trigger and Val could feel the spring tension start to ride the hammer.
“All personnel, all personnel. Breach, breach, breach. Proceed to your stations, fallback Alpha.”
“Do I scare you that much?” Apollo’s voice was smooth with a hint of a guttural Russian accent.
Damarcus appeared beside Val. “The candidates are running scared. Alpha?”
Val nodded, her eyes still on Apollo. “Seems safest.”
“He won’t be pleased,” Damarcus told her. “You know, Hank—”
“Don’t!” Val cut him off sharply, seeing the look in Apollo’s eyes.
Running footsteps sounded in the hall and Val flinched, strongly reminded of another occasion where she held a Svoboda member at gunpoint on Point Zero.
Val sneered at Apollo. “I killed him right here. You know that, right?”
Apollo flinched back. His eyes went hard and narrow. “We knew he was dead. I assumed it was at your hand. Now I know.”
Val watched his jaw tighten and brought the tip of her gun up as he swallowed hard. Her pulse was hammering in her ears, but she mastered her breathing.
Breathe in for a four count, hold for a four count, exhale for a four count, she told herself.
“Why are you here, Apollo?” She closed one eye and centered the gun steadily between his eyes.
“Would you believe me if I told you it was because it was the only place I could be safe?” Apollo’s posture was shockingly loose for someone who had a gun pointed at his chest.
“Nope,” Val told him harshly. “Try again.”
“They are coming for you. You are in danger and I do not want you to be harmed.”
“Liar,” Val snarled, finger slowly applying pressure to the trigger.
“No lie. They are coming.”
“Who? Vmeste? The oligarchy’s pets?” Damarcus asked.
“Worse, Svoboda and they want you dead.” Apollo nodded to her once again, smiling sadly, and Jumped.
I hope you enjoy this first chapter! The e-book is available for pre-order now and both will publish on December 15, 2024. In the mean time, I would love to hear from you on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and TikTok or by email! Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list. Or find my wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. As always, thank you dear fans!
Cheers,
Kay



I don’t even remember rubbing the lamp. It’s wild how we never see the most impactful moment in our life as it happens.
I stumbled out of a hookah bar into the streets of the Marrakesh night markets. Hawkers shouted their wears as I staggered through the souks. More to the point, I staggered from shop to shop, shoulders brushing the wares and was fortunate not to bruise their goods. It may be the newest millennium, but punishments were still harsh to the unwary foreigner.
Even in my somewhat altered state of mind, I realized I must have turned down the wrong narrow alleyway. The shopkeepers were odd. Vaguely unhuman in a way that was too close to reality. Ears and noses only slightly too pointed. Eyes slit vertically, not round human pupils. Every so often a shopkeeper was a slight shade of green or blue, nothing that screamed mystical, but not human either.
I had just enough sense left in my head to turn and flee before I could be ensnared.
Given my mental state, I suppose it isn’t surprising that my shoulder must have brushed the lamp as I staggered out of the unhuman souk. It was equally unsurprising that I didn’t notice the djinn that followed me for several city blocks back to my hostel. Or that the djinn stalked my every movement, even after I had staggered drunk and high into bed.
But when I awoke, he loomed over my bed. Big, blue, and lacking the friendliness a certain early 90s cartoon would have led me to expect, the djinn lingered in my room as I slowly rose.
“Bro, what the actual?”
“Salam.” The words were a deep rumble that seemed to shake my chest and the walls around me.
“Uhm, yeah peace, bro,” I mumbled out. “But seriously, what are you doing in my room?” My head pounded and my stomach roiled from too many unfamiliar beverages last night.
“You summoned me.” He stated plainly. No hint of expression on his face. And yet, somehow, I felt like I was being insulted for being so dense.
“Dude, what are you even? Why are you blue?”
“I am a djinn, we are blue.”
I looked at him, waiting for further information, but he only stared at me with a suspiciously bland expression. Frustrated, I groaned and flopped back on the hostel’s thin mattress.
“How did I summon you?” I asked, pressing my head into the pillow.
“You rubbed my lamp as you crossed the market.”
“Wait, hold up. Are you saying I rubbed a magic lamp and now I’ve summoned a genie?”
“Djinn.”
“Whatever. So, I can make wishes?”
“Wish. One. Use it wisely.”
“Holy fuck.” I bolted upright in excitement. “I mean, shit man. I can make a wish? Damn. Yes. It needs to be good.” Just then my stomach lurched and grumbled. “Fuck. How long do I have to make the wish? Like, is there a time limit? I need food. I would love a piece of bacon for breakfast.”
“As you wish,” the djinn told me and gave me an elaborate bow before disappearing.
“Fuck! Damn it, I wasted it.”
In the djinn’s place, a man appeared. Short, but human. He was dressed in an immaculate black suit. His black tie was elegantly knotted and tucked into a perfectly pressed vest. Equally perfect black trousers ended over highly polished black wing-tip shoes. In his white-gloved hand perched a domed silver tray.
“Your bacon, sir,” he said as he whisked the domed lid off the tray.
“This better be the best damn bacon in the world,” I told him as I snatched the piece from its tiny white plate in the center of the tray. I took a bite and smiled. It was the perfect balance of chewy and crunchy.
“Hey, how did you get pork bacon in a Muslim country anyway?” I asked around the last bite I stuffed in my mouth.
The butler merely bowed his head briefly and disappeared.
“Damn. Bacon for breakfast. It was good, but kind of a waste of my wish,” I said to the empty hostel room.
I explored the city after a hasty shower in the hostel’s communal restrooms. My feet led me through the streets of Marrakesh, and I pondered the absolute absurdity of my encounter with the djinn. Had the encounter occurred the night before, I could have brushed it off as booze or bad green. But his appearance in the morning, when I was fully sober, led me to the conclusion that it had really happened. And I, an idiot, pissed away a real wish by thinking with my stomach.
Eventually, my feet found their way to the strange night market where I must have rubbed the lamp. The stalls were the same as I had seen before, but the assortment of non-human vendors had been replaced by very normal looking men hawking their wares. Maybe I could chalk some of this experience up to an altered state of mind. I swallowed down my disappointment and turned to head back to my hostel. The merchant in the strange little souk gave me a nod and a little wink. When he then smiled, I could see the same vertically slitted pupils I’d spotted the night before.
I choked down a laugh. I guess I wasn’t so addled.
The rest of the day passed in a blur of street food, enticing smells, and catching up with fellow travelers I had met in the hostel. I politely excused myself from joining their night of revelry after a humorous retelling of my stagger back the night before. I carefully left out any mentions of the strange inhuman souk vendors, the djinn, or my curious little butler as I was already starting to doubt I’d really seen him. My evening passed as quietly as one can in a hostel filled to the brim with travelers and by the time my head hit my thin pillow, I had fully convinced myself that the morning’s strange interaction was nothing more than an extended dream.
The scuff of a wingtip shoe on the carpet woke me in the middle of the next morning. I groggily cracked open one eye to see the immaculately pressed trousers of the bacon butler at the edge of my bed.
I bolted upright in the bed with a shout of alarm.
“Your bacon, sir,” the butler said, completely unphased by my startled reaction. He leaned towards me slightly and doffed the silver domed lid from the tray. Once again, a single perfectly cooked slice of bacon sat atop a single white plate.
“I thought my wish was done. Spent?”
The bacon butler merely looked at me, holding his tray at my eye level. I took the slice, and he recovered the tray.
“So, like, are you going to come every morning now?” I asked, stuffing the slice in my mouth.
“Yes.” He watched me chew and swallow the slice then disappeared.
“The fuck?” I asked the open air.
I spent my last day in Morocco going from souk to souk, looking for the inhuman market. No matter where I went or how I turned, it eluded me. With increasing desperation I queried vendors, trying to get my questions across in a mix of English and Arabic but with each attempt, either our lack of common language was too great a barrier or, as I strongly suspected, they were unwilling to tell me about the odd little market space. Frustrated, I returned to my hostel to pack and idly wondered if a djinn’s wish granting abilities could follow me home to America.
I lay awake that night pondering what would happen tomorrow as I flew home. I laid awake possibly too long, getting only a few hours of sleep before having to be up for the trek from the hostel to the Marrakesh airport. The beautiful white and gold airport stood gently illuminated at the ungodly pre-dawn hour. I wanted a full night’s rest upon returning which forced me into a horrible early morning flight from Morocco to France.
The early morning departure had afforded me the opportunity to drop my humble traveler persona, ditching my cargo shorts and sandals for well-tailored slacks and a polo shirt. I had learned the trick from friends of “dressing down” during foreign travel to make myself less of a target for thieves. I was able to leave the dingy hostel with none of my new travel friends seeing me and questioning the sudden change.
My first-class seat to Paris sadly lacked the fully reclining seat and suite my flight from Paris to Washington DC had, but it was only three hours flying time. I had sunk gracelessly into my seat, accepting a quick glass of champagne from the flight attendant, before dropping back into a deep sleep.
I awoke a few hours later to my elbow being jostled. I expected to see some inconsiderate fellow passenger and was stunned to see my bacon butler. Still dressed in his immaculate uniform holding his domed silver tray, he stood in the aisle beside me.
I stared mouth agape, wondering how on Earth he had gotten on a moving aircraft. I quickly looked around at my fellow passengers to see if they had noticed a man suddenly appear in the aisle. To my very great relief, it seemed most had followed my lead and were asleep.
“Your bacon, sir.” His voice barely carried over the noise of the flight, but it was as crisp and polite as ever.
I snatched the bacon from its plate as soon as he doffed the silver dome. I stuffed the piece in my mouth, chewing and swallowing faster than was safe. He gave a polite nod and disappeared once more. I scanned the cabin again, looking to see if anyone had seen the brief bacon drop off but it seemed that it had transpired with none the wiser.
The rest of my flight to France was easy but after the bacon butler scared me awake, I couldn’t fall back asleep. My mind whirred as I jetted across the Atlantic. Was this my life now? To be woken up every single day by the mysterious bacon butler? I had no wife or even a girlfriend, but how would a one-night stand handle this strange little man appearing in my bedroom to feed me a single slice of bacon?
I laughed then at that thought. I was rich. Very rich. The kind of rich where the appearance of a little butler bearing bacon might be brushed off as a simple eccentricity. As long as the butler afforded me my privacy, I supposed he wouldn’t impact my life too much.
My last flight landed in Washington, DC in the late afternoon and I stumbled through my door, exhausted from travel and jet lag, only two hours later. Customs had delay after delay and then my driver had been caught in the last of evening rush hour. I dropped my bags in the foyer, assuring myself I would unpack later, snagged a bottle of water and a sleep aid, and fell into a deep sleep.
“Sir.”
I felt a gentle push on my shoulder but ignored it.
“Sir?” The voice was more insistent this time.
Another gentle push was ignored.
“Sir.” The voice held a hint of annoyance under its professional calm.
The hand shoved my shoulder and I slapped at it, annoyed. Annoyance shifted to fear when I found my wrist caught in a vice like grip and yelped in pain.
“Hey man, what the fu-”
“Your bacon, sir.” He cut me off mid-swear, his hand still locked on my wrist.
There was a steely glint in his eyes that told me his professionalism only went so far.
“Jesus man, give me a break, I’m not even awake yet.”
“Your bacon, sir.” This time it was said in a tone that brooked no arguments.
I twisted my wrist, trying to escape his grip, but he remained locked onto me.
“What time is it?”
“It is nearly nine o’clock in the morning for this location and the time for breakfast is nearly done. Your bacon, sir.” On the last repetition of his offer, he dropped my wrist, flung the domed top off of his tray, and all but shoved the tray under my nose.
I locked glares with him but took the bacon. Satisfied, he pulled the tray back from my face and replaced the dome.
“What happens if I don’t eat this?”
“You will eat it, sir.”
Feeling petulant and jet lagged I responded, “I don’t wanna.”
His free hand shot out and grabbed my chin. The fingers of his well manicured hand curled just so and pried my jaw open.
“You will eat it, sir.”
Horrified, I shoved the piece in my mouth and chewed. The bacon butler straightened as I chewed and the hand that had pried my unwilling jaw open smoothed his uniform.
“Every day?” I mumbled through the last crumbles.
“Yes, sir.”
“No matter what?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Fuck,” I said and swallowed the last of the bacon.
He nodded politely, any hints of violence gone from his demeanor, and disappeared.
“Holy hell. Every day?” I asked my empty bedroom. I pondered my circumstances again. While no one would bat an eye at my assumed eccentricity, the little bacon butler had proven he was willing to use force to accomplish his daily duty. I worried about what implications that had for my daily life.
The remainder of my week passed benignly. Each morning I woke to find my bacon butler waiting, tray in hand. Each time I grudgingly ate the single slice before getting up and hurrying on with my day. I asked no more questions and didn’t refuse his offering. He said nothing more than, “Your bacon, sir.” And yet, there was an aura of expectation. Of waiting. From him or from me, I wasn’t sure.
On Friday, my friends convinced me to try a new restaurant that was doing a soft opening. It was supposed to be a new, high end French restraint with a menu that caters to the very rich, like us. I knew it would be trouble when I walked in because the odor of fish permeated even up to the seating area. I ignored my doubts about their quality and opted for a salad.
It was a terrible plan because even the salad proved how little care they paid their food preparation methods and by three in the morning, I was turning myself inside out with food poisoning.
My misery came in waves. First chills, then a stomach cramp, then sweating on my bathroom floor before the next round of nausea forced me to expel the tainted food. My misery compounded when I realized in only a few hours the fussy little bacon butler would be here insisting I consume his daily offering. Just the thought of eating bacon caused me to dry heave as there was nothing left in me at this point.
As surely as the sun was rising outside the window of my bathroom, the bacon butler appeared. I gave him one miserable glance before the smell of his bacon had me gagging over the toilet.
“No, man. No. Not today.” I said before he could doff the lid. One hand raised weakly as if to fend him off.
“Your bacon, sir.” His tone was the same as always, but I caught the tiniest hint of sympathy in his face, the merest micro expression gone in a fleeting instance.
“No, please,” I begged.
He raised his free hand in a gentle movement but the threat he conveyed remained.
I took one ragged breath, choking down my nausea, and reached for the piece. As soon as my hand touched the bacon my stomach quailed and I dry heaved again. I looked up at the bacon butler. His expression remained unchanged.
Gagging, I stuffed the piece in my mouth. My stomach roiled and I dry heaved as I chewed. I looked once more at the bacon butler who simply nodded.
I swallowed, feeling each piece go down my raw throat and my stomach started to heave.
He nodded and disappeared as the slice came up again.
I’m sad to admit I laid on the cold tiles of my bathroom sobbing after that. But I had learned something valuable: as long as the slice went down, he would leave me alone, even if it came back up immediately.
Later that day I lay in my bed recovering from my food poisoning and wanting to curse both the friends who had pulled me out and myself for ever having accepted a stupid wish from a stupid djinn. My mind worked through a week’s worth of interactions, hoping for a loophole.
An hour and one more round of dry heaving later I came to three solid conclusions. First, the bacon butler always appeared in his uniform with the tray no matter where I was, including over the middle of the Mediterranean Sea on a plane. Second, he always appeared at some sort of breakfast time and always before I ate anything else, so I quite literally broke my fast with the bacon. Third, I had to eat the whole piece of bacon, swallowing it all, even if it came back up immediately, and the butler seemed willing to use force to ensure I consumed his bacon.
Unfortunately, my conclusion led to more questions. What would happen if I stayed up late for a middle of the night cheeseburger? Was there a time limit for how long between meals counted as a “fast”? What if I ate only half the bacon and refused the rest? Would he really use force or violence to ensure I ate the rest? The memory of his grip on my chin made me unwilling to test that question.
My final thought, if not really a conclusion, was that the little bacon butler rarely said anything other than “Your bacon, sir.” And if he did, it was only in response to a direct question or to wake me. The thought of this tiny but powerful little butler harming me to complete his task worried me but perhaps I could engage him in conversation. I resolved to test his responses the next morning. I rarely set alarms for a Sunday morning but before bed that night, I set the alarm for seven o’clock.
My alarm startled me awake right on time. I sat up and slapped it off, searching for my butler. To my shock, he wasn’t there.
I scowled at my empty room. This little asshole had been so deep into my personal space it was almost an affront for him not to be here now. I stomped to my bathroom to start my day. Twenty minutes later, showered and dressed, I found the bacon butler waiting in my kitchen, tray in hand.
“Where were you?” I asked before he could speak.
“Your bacon, sir.” He stood calmly in his perfectly polished uniform but something in his face hinted that he was annoyed by my question.
“You didn’t wake me up this morning,” I said. Then I realized I didn’t ask a direct question. He also hadn’t answered my first direct question. This plan wasn’t working as I’d hoped.
I walked over, forcing myself to be calm, and took the bacon off his tray. Holding it without eating, I calmly asked, “Why didn’t you wake me up today?”
“You seem imminently capable of rising with your alarm when not in an altered state of mind.” He seemed to think this was enough of an answer.
“So,” I tried to clarify, “you aren’t required to wake me?”
“No, sir.”
“But if I look like I won’t eat before your ‘breakfast’ window ends, you will?”
“Yes, sir.”
“What happens if I refuse?” I asked and waved the piece I was holding.
He took a step towards me. It wasn’t fast. He was so short he didn’t loom, but there was still an aura of menace in that single step.
“Ok, ok! I’m going to eat it, but you seem bound to stay until I do so I’m getting my questions answered while I still hold you here.”
At that, he seemed very agitated. He quivered and I couldn’t tell if it was a shiver or him controlling his rage.
“You don’t like that.” Damn it, not a question. “Are you bound to this service?”
“Yes, sir,” he said through a clenched jaw.
I stepped back. This was the most emotion I had seen from him.
“Against your will?”
He frowned but didn’t answer.
I thought hard. The answer must either be more complicated than a simple yes or no. His agitation made me decide to leave the rest of my questions for another day.
“Thank you, bacon butler,” I said and gave him a polite nod.
Once my piece was consumed, he gave me a polite nod in return and disappeared.
The next work week went smoothly as we seemed to settle into a routine. I set the alarm and he waited in my kitchen. I hadn’t come up with any new ideas for loopholes, but I was at least satisfied that he would leave me alone as long as I was responsible and set my alarms.
My Friday night date went well. So well, in fact, I forgot to set an alarm and he appeared while I was engaged in the most harmonious of activities.
“Your bacon, sir.”
My head whipped in his direction and I swear I could detect a hint of a smirk on his prissy little face.
“Dude!” I yelled but snatched the piece from the tray all the same.
I made no attempt to explain him to my date, I’m not sure I could have if I wanted to, and I got the distinct impression that she would not be returning for a second date. Fuming, I realized that like the plane, the bacon butler didn’t seem to care where I was or who I was with. He would complete his daily task regardless.
I briefly contemplated living a celibate life to avoid this morning’s embarrassment again. Ultimately, I decided that I would simply find a better way to handle this and dutifully set an alarm for Sunday morning. One might say I was finding personal growth in my predicament.
On Sunday I woke before my alarm and lay in bed, curious if he would remain in my kitchen. I lay waiting, scrolling through my phone but didn’t hear so much as the scuff of a wingtip shoe on my kitchen tile floor. A minute before my alarm was set to go off, I turned it off and padded to the kitchen in my pajamas. My bacon butler stood expectantly in the middle of the kitchen, perfectly polished as always.
“Bacon butler,” I said by way of acknowledgment.
“Your bacon, sir,” he said formally and gave a little bow as he offered the silver tray. The little bow was, perhaps, a way to acknowledge me not only setting an alarm, but getting up before it went off and he had to force feed me bacon in bed.
I took the piece and bit into it. As always, it was the perfect balance of crunchy and chewy, thick and meaty with a bit of salt.
“Excellent bacon, as always, bacon butler. Thank you.”
“Thank you, sir,” he said and for the first time, he smiled.
I smiled in return. It was progress.
“I can’t keep calling you ‘bacon butler.’ What should I call you? Do you have a name?”
“No, sir.”
“You don’t have a name? Wow.” I held the last quarter of the slice of bacon in my hand.
He must not have felt the need to repeat himself and stayed silent, but I could see him eyeing the remaining bite of bacon.
“Sorry, I promise I’ll finish. But you need a name. Bacon butler. Bee bee. Bob? How about Bob?”
“Very good, sir,” he said but I was rewarded with a second smile.
I smiled once more and popped the remaining bite in my mouth, dutifully chewing, and gave him a thumbs up. “Thanks, Bob!”
Bob gave a slight nod of acknowledgment and disappeared.
Progress.
I took personal responsibility for my alarms; Bob didn’t force feed me bacon. I act like a courteous person and thank him; he smiles in return. Damn, I had been kind of a dirtbag to Bob. I resolved to find ways to show my thanks and respect to the prissy and invasive little butler. I spent my week remembering to set my alarm so I could meet Bob in the kitchen rather than in my bedroom. I even foreswore my evening drink or toke to ensure all my things were prepared for the morning. By Thursday my CFO remarked on how focused I’d seemed this week.
“My trip to Morocco really helped, I guess,” I told him with a little shrug.
On Friday night I set my little breakfast nook for the next morning. My fridge was stocked with an assortment of prepared breakfast foods and I even remembered to set my coffee maker to start thirty minutes before my alarm. I planned to invite Bob to join me for breakfast. I couldn’t imagine how frustrated he must be to cook a perfect slice of bacon and never eat it.
I gave the table one last glance before heading to bed. It was probably more effort than I had put into anticipating a date staying overnight. I decided to reach out to my date from the week prior, offer an apology, and beg for a redo. Perhaps a setup like the one I’d made tonight would encourage a third date. Once again, I was struck by how one silly wish gone awry had forced so much growth on me.
Nervous energy woke me well before my alarm and I bounced out of bed to prepare the table. The coffeemaker hadn’t started and Bob had yet to appear. A swift glance at the clock on my stove told me I had a little time before I expected him to appear.
I snatched my prepared breakfast items and threw them haphazardly onto plates. My coffeemaker clicked on as I surveyed the sloppy effort and I decided to tidy it up while I waited on Bob and the coffee. A few minutes later it wasn’t perfect plating, but it did show that I had put effort into the meal.
I pulled out two coffee cups and poured the fresh coffee. My cup was halfway to my lips when I wondered if drinking coffee would count as breaking my fast and put Bob in a bind. I set the cup back down.
“Your bacon, sir,” Bob said quietly behind me.
“Good morning, Bob. May I offer you a cup of coffee?” It was a simple start but perhaps I could entice him to stay for more.
“Your American coffee is very weak,” he said bluntly.
The American accent is what had thrown me this whole time, I realized. Magic. Bound to service. Loved stronger coffee.
I smiled.
“Yes, Bob, I suppose a djinn would be more accustomed to Turkish style coffee.”
Bob gave me a very deep bow without so much as a wobble of his silver tray.
“Would you stay for breakfast?” I eyed him. “Can you stay for breakfast?”
“I’m afraid there is only so much I may accept from you, sir.”
“And breakfast isn’t one of those things?”
“No, sir.” His smile was sad but accepting as he doffed the domed silver lid once more. “Your bacon, sir.”
“You’ve really helped me, Bob,” I told him as I reached for the bacon. “I’ve never had my life so on track.”
Bob didn’t say anything, only a small bow of his head acknowledged my statement.
I broke the piece in half. “I get that you can’t accept breakfast, but can you have some of the bacon?”
Bob’s face held no expression. “I do not think you understand what you are offering, sir.”
I smiled at him, my hunch solidifying. “Bob, I think I do.”
I held out half my slice of bacon.
Very slowly, his hand reached for the slice, as if he didn’t believe I would let him have it.
“It has been a pleasure, Bob.”
“Thank you, sir,” Bob said and ate his slice.
He gave me one final bow and disappeared for the last time, unbound from my silly wish.
I hope you enjoyed this silly, whimsical little story. It was spawned by a conversation my husband and I had as we headed to the Huntsville Expo in April 2024.
Copywrite 2024, KR Paul.
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love is what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and its sequel here.
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Are you just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Welcome back, once again, to the wild world of ultramarathon training and trail running. Last year (2023) I talked about recovering from 2022, which was was not my year. I collapsed at work in January 2022, which caused me to miss the 2022 Bear Bait 25k. From there, I endured surgery (March 22), two failed courses of medication (summer 22), a week where I was in the ER three times in eight days (August 22), and finally my desperate search for a doctor willing to take my case (September/October 22) and perform what was arguably life saving surgery (November 22).
I’m delighted to say I successfully raced the Bear Bait 25k in January of 2023 and the year only got better from there. I had two minor setbacks: COVID finally caught me in the summer and a small surgery in September; but still managed to get my feet moving and get a little training done for this trail race.
I’ve come a long way from sitting at my gaming computer in 2022, back to my rack of race medals, sobbing and whispering across Discord to a friend who was miles away: “I don’t even care about that anymore, I just don’t want to die” to being back on my feet, active and healthy. In the darkest moments of 2022, I remember describing how life was going to a friend and they responded with “you aren’t living, just surviving.” That was part of what helped push me towards accepting the life altering, but ultimately life saving surgery. I took 2023 as my “rebuild year:” a chance to seize the life I almost lost and get back to being happy. Getting back into racing was a huge part of it and I’m so glad I did.
Check in:
Bear Bait is run by a new race director as of this year, but the race maintained its same high quality, no frills approach. They offered two options for packet pick up, one of which was close to where I live. I was in and out in about five minutes and even had a chance to check on our Little Free Library to see if anyone picked up my copies of Pantheon and Pantheon 2: Ares & Athena from around Thanksgiving. (They had!)
Starting line:
For the 2023 race, I chose to forego getting my race packet before race day and took the gamble that the line would be small at the venue. I was lucky and there was no one in line when I arrived. I inquired about the turn out and the volunteers admitted it was less than half the turn out of years prior. It could be that the COVID restriction have all lifted, making road racing more viable, or folks just didn’t like busting their toes, ankles, or face (oops, its me) on this very rooted course.
That said, I’m still a big fan of the course because while it has a TON of roots, the start/finish loop through a large barn and past a parking lot which allows for easy crewing. I was lucky enough to grab another parking spot at the final turn before the barn which made refills very easy. (Lucky or it was just an almost empty lot this year.)
They pushed the star back even further this year to an easy 9:00. And yes, like both my previous last time, the starting temperature was in the 30s. Brr!

The course:
I was glad to have seen this course before because it meant I could mentally prepare for its challenges. Fortunately, it was drier this year and I was happy to finish with dry feet!
Weather: A brisk 39F at opening and race start but warmed up to about 58F by the time I was done around 1pm. I started with every layer I had, including my windbreaker. The windbreaker, gloves, and vest came off after the first lap once again this year and I was relatively comfortable for the last three laps.
Trail conditions: Overall, great with only a few minor “I hate this” points. There were a few creek crossings but every single one had a bridge so my feet stayed dry! The trail was primarily single track but very technical due to the roots. The only breaks were one slightly swampy area that was mostly dry this year. There was also a slight change to the course route which still included the 0.25 mile long stretch of deep sand, but a jog over to the water line which was also deep sand.
Terrain: Flat. Mercifully, blissfully flat compared to BUTS. In 15 miles I had ~500ft of elevation change. There were a couple of steep drops but nothing terrible for a 25k runner. It will be a challenging course for those running into the night.
Aid stations:
As a looped course, I came through the main aid station three times during the race and finished basically in the main aid station. A local running club also set up a small aid station on the far side of the course which is where I got my beloved M&Ms.
Communal bowls, cups of food, what would it be this year? 2021 was little cups, 2023 was back to communal bowls fo your grubby paws, but this year we were back to everything in individual cups. I snagged a full calorie Coke, pickles, and M&Ms each loop and was just fine. While I had also parked less than 100 meters from the barn and I realized on race moving all my snacks were expired. Ooops!
Did I hit the Pain Cave?
Nope. Not really. My running partner and I ran the first two laps, ran/walked the third, and walked the last lap. I wasn’t as well trained as I might have liked due to my partner just recovering from his own thing and my September surgery, but we were far and away better trained than in 2023.
The unknowns:
None. This being my thrid attempt, I knew what I was in for!
Crew:
Yes, my usual running partner. We spent the race chatting about life, the future, and… SUPRISE our upcoming wedding.
The finish line:
Low key as always. We were some of the last folks in, having done the course at a brisk walk. (Or “power hike” in ultra lingo.)


Final time:
4:05 for 15.2 mi which is odd because the course was 14.72 mi last year but we had been warned that the sharp turns in the course threw everyone’s GPS distance off. The unofficial results showed me as the 9th of 14 female racers and 22 of 29 overall runners. For reference, in 2023, there were 80 of us total; that’s a huge drop in turnout!
Overall thoughts:
It wasn’t fast but it was faster than last year and that’s what I wanted. Despite my body rudely trying to shuffle me loose the mortal coil in 2022 and being in the deepest, darkest headspace then, I’ve come back. Yes, I now live with a chronic illness. Yes, I’m playing that game for the rest of my life now. But I’m been through hell and come out the other side. I wanted into a pain cave like nothing I’ve ever seen in a race, endured, made the tough call, and now I’m living life again, not just surviving it. I’m healthy. I’m genuinely happy and wake up excited about the day again. And I’m back to doing what I love with people I love.
I may not have taken first place, but I sure as fuck won.
The Gear List:
I’m going to start adding gear lists to all my runs so folks can see what I’m carrying and how it changes between courses and weather. Some affiliate links, but most aren’t.
Clothes:
Top: Nike Women’s Dri-Fit Element Long Sleeve Running Top – This one is a good top (45-55F) or middle layer (<45F). Plus, thumb holes and it covers half my hand. Y’all this is the THIRD TIME I’VE WORN IT FOR THIS RACE. Its good shit.
Tank top: A Perl Izumi tank top that’s so old I can’t find a link for it or tell you what I paid. It’s a solid piece of clothing.
Bra: SheFit ULTIMATE SPORTS BRA – a qualified “good.” I like that you buy based on cup size and both the chest band and shoulder straps are adjustable; it’s probably the most comfortable sports bra I have. The metal cinch still tears me up, even with tape, but it’s the best my massive mammaries can get.
Tights: Curve ‘n’ Combat Boots Empowered Black (V1) – These were the same tights as the 2021 and 2023 races and they showed their age. The elastic is going and I was pulling them up constantly. That said, they’re six years old and I got my money’s worth.
Socks: Balega Blister Resist Quarter Socks – These are thick and comfy but the “blister resist” is only as good as how well you lace your shoes. I did not lace my right shoe tight enough and have a small blister to show for my slipping around inside the shoe.
Shoes: Altra Olympus Trail Shoe – These have the thickest soles of my trail shoes which was good for all the roots on the trail. If it hadn’t been as technical, I might have considered dropping down to my Lone Peaks which have a thinner sole and are lighter weight. Of note, the link takes you to a slightly different shoe because I don’t think my version of the Olympus is available anymore. I buy a model yer or two behind for half price.
Gloves: Cheap ($1) knit cotton gloves bought from either Michaels or Hobby Lobby a few years back. I highly recommend finding a very cheap cotton glove to carry. Expensive bougie gloves are great but get lost so often… buy the cheap ones and they’ll never disappear on you. Three… races… later. I still have these cheap lil b-stards.
Nutrition:
Vest: Ultimate Direction Ultra Vesta 4.0 – This is my “new to me” but “older model” vest I got on sale for half price. There’s a new version but I’m glad I gambled on buying this one as it’s been a real champ. Lots of easily accessible pockets, good bottle holders, and the bladder holding set up keeps it from rattling around or slipping its loops like my other vest. Not as easy to access the bladder for refills once it’s on and I did run out of water this year! It was annoying enough to take everything off and a short enough route that I elected to go without and only grabbed water at the two aid stations.
Snacks: M&Ms, pickles, and full Coke because when I run, I am apparently the cross between a trash panda and a pregnant woman.

Other:
GPS: Garmin Forerunner 945 – Y’all know I love this watch and I’ve talked about it before, the good and bad. I didn’t have any track walk offs today and I’m confident in the recorded distance/time. Also, can confirm the Incident Detection worked as advertised… except that it doesn’t send if you have no cell service. Probably a good thing or I would have scared the hubs! I was rattled enough that I didn’t have my wits about me in time to halt it sending the distress call. Fortunately (for today) it couldn’t complete the send.
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love is what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
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Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
(Losing Your Publisher)
If you are one of the few authors who has been published by anyone other than yourself, you understand what a rare gem you have in your publisher. They give you credibility. They get your work on the market to a broad audience. And let’s be honest, they validate your skills as a writer. This is why the thought that you could be so lucky and skilled as to obtain a contract and lose it is almost unthinkable. Tragic. You’re shuffled back to the endless rounds of querying dues all authors must pay.
Hello, I’m KR Paul, author of the Pantheon series, and I had my publication contract terminated after only publishing two of my three required books.
Authors have their contracts terminated for a variety of reasons: low sales, the imprint closes, the author failing to meet the contract criteria (e.g. – late delivery), or *gasp* just plain bad author behavior. (Yeah, we’ve seen them all over TikTok.) Authors can also seek to terminate bad contracts for a variety of reasons as well, usually stemming from mismanagement on the publisher’s part. This is all to say that contracts end and you should be prepared for it.
(And for those wondering “Kay, why did your contract get terminated?” I can say it was not due to any fault of either mine or my publisher’s. We parted as friends and still provide each other with support on our current projects.)
This article will cover a few things I, as a recently released author, wish I had known before the termination of my contract and some thoughts for how to move forward from here whether you choose to seek other publishers or self-publish.
Life Goes On
First, I’m really sorry this is happening to you. Whether you were released or you sought to leave your contract, it’s a tough spot to be in. I queried so many times and even gave up the idea that I would ever be published before finally inking a contract. The idea of going back into the churn of querying and being rejected feels daunting.
But life does go on and there are always options. There are other publishers and as I’ve spent the last six months working through my options, I realized how many small, niche publishers exist. Sure, the ones I’ve been successful with so far are providing opportunities in anthologies but it is reassuring to know that each successful opportunity gives another chance to show larger publishers that I am a commercial success and that including me in their lineup of novelists would be beneficial. I’ve also taken steps towards self-publishing as well. Authors don’t have to pick self-publishing or traditional publishing, it’s absolutely possible to do both.
Gather Your Goods
The next thing I recommend after having a big swig of your beverage of choice is to read your contract. The whole contract. Focus on the termination and rights sections. First, is this termination allowed or can you fight them on it? (Honestly, if I’m told they don’t want me then so be it, I’m walking. But that’s me, you fight if you want.) Second, what rights do you own if the contract is terminated? What reverts to you? (This is also something I caution those who are looking to publish short stories examine closely.) Do you get all rights to your story? Is there a temporal aspect? (Short stories are often exclusive for a stated period at which point the author is free to republish as desired.) Make very, very sure that you own your work free and clear with no holdbacks before you attempt to move forward. You will also need a signed letter from your publisher clearly stating what rights revert to you, the author, and I highly recommend having it spelled out by title with the ISBNs.
Once you know the status of your rights, I recommend reaching out to ensure you know how any remaining or residual royalties will pay out. If you did not sell out your advance, ensure you don’t have to pay back anything to get your rights returned.
The last step here is to gather up all the finalized media you have available. The most up to date edit of the Word Document, the final cover art (if you will own that copyright), and any other marketing media you may own. You will want everything together so that either a new publisher can take a final product or you are ready to slap the work into KDP as soon as you’re ready to self-publish.
From here, my article will split into two distinct tracks: traditional publishing and self-publishing. As I said earlier on, you can absolutely do both, but I’m keeping them as separate sections for readability.
Traditional Publishing
For the purpose of this article, take “traditional publishing” to mean any form of publication where someone else is publishing your work, whether that is in physical form or e-books. Basically, anything that isn’t self-publishing.
There are a few areas of publishing that overlap whether you use a traditional publisher or self-publish, but here is my short list of things I recommend having prepared if you are moving from one publisher to another:
Self-Publishing
Congratulations on picking the hardest option! Just kidding, marketing yourself to publishers and facing rejection is equally rough. The self-publishing route arguably has more steps because you will want to do a lot of administrative business actions before self-publishing. While these steps aren’t 100% necessary, I highly recommend you do them as several will grant you additional legitimacy when selling your own works.
The Self Publishing Cost Breakdown

Yes. Starting a business is expensive. You can see I broke down my expenses into three categories.
Necessary to conduct business: the Post Office box, LLC filing fees, the lowest tier of paid website on WordPress, and the four pack of ISBNs. I suppose one could argue that the ISBNs aren’t “necessary” for business but since I intend to sell the books at local bookstores, I deemed them a “need” not a “want.”
Administrative: Canva and the Fivver charges are administrative costs. Canva is a paid subscription which allows me to create my own marketing images, saving me having to either make shitty ones in PowerPoint (it was hella funny though) or paying a sketchy “digital marketing expert” to make them. The Fivver logo was so I could create branded merchandise for which I owned the copyright.
Author expenses: This category is a blurred line between author and publisher costs. This covers convention applications, my author website, and merchandise to sell at conventions. Since I didn’t have much Author KR Paul merchandise to start, it all got lumped in the same account. Now that KRP Publishing is my main publisher, it will be clear finances in 2024.
Moving Forward
Losing your publisher part of the way through a publishing contract is heartbreaking. The knowledge that you have to either return to groveling for the notice of a traditional publisher, forging forward under your own steam (and cash flow), or walking away and letting your stories die. Or a combination of the first two, as I decided. I have empathy for you. I have sympathy for you. But I do have hope for you and the few tips or ideas listed above.
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and its sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Welcome back endurance racing fans! It’s been a minute since I did a race report because due to last year’s battle against endometriosis, I basically didn’t race! I enjoyed Paddle at the Park in 2021 so much that I signed up for Paddle at the Park 2022, but unfortunately had two ER trips in the week before the race so I pulled out. Good thing too because three days later I was sent to the ER again for suspected sepsis. I’m thankful to say that the surgery I received in November saved my life and got me back on my feet and kicking ass again.
I still consider myself a paddleboarding novice and today’s race did reinforce how much I can still learn, but today was about getting out there and crossing the finish line. This was a new venue/location from the last few years as well, located on the Okaloosa Island Boardwalk which meant it was even closer to home for me.
Today you’re getting my full race report for Paddle at the Park – Stand Up Paddle Board Race (1 mile)
Check in:
This was an easy morning: I had packed all my bags, prepped snacks and water, then loaded my paddleboard the night before. All I needed to do was wake and feed the kiddo and myself then pop in the car and drive away. Packet pick up was right on the boardwalk so five minutes after setting up my half tent I had my packet and was strapping on my ankle timer.
Starting line:

All race distances started in the same location and it was a run straight into the surf.
The course:
This race still offers a 1, 3, and 6-mile options as well as a kids race. Since I have only raced a paddle board once before and am in the final phases of surgical recovery, I opted for the 1-mile course. At the new location, 1-mile racers paralleled a long fishing pier, looped a buoy, then returned to the start.
There were three buoys directly in front of us and the course director said that going to the second, making a right hand turn, and returning would be the mile course. I think he misunderstood because my GPS only showed a half mile of paddling and I think we needed to go to the third and final buoy.

Unlike last year, the weather was perfect if a little breezy, which you can see from my banana shaped track. With no weather holds, everything went on time and I didn’t miss the start this time!


Weather: Perfect temperature but the wind made for some chop and breaking surf at the shore. A little daunting for a novice racer.
Did I hit the Pain Cave?
Hahaha. Nope! But, had I done the 3-mile course, I probably would have. That said, if the course had been a true 1 mile, I might have.
Crew:
No crew for this race, just my kiddo cheering me on and a friend snapping pictures for me.
The finish line:
This was a wild experience for someone who’s never raced SUP. To finish, you ride your board in as far as you can get, then ditch it. (A volunteer collects it for you.) Then you *sprint* up the beach, paddle in hand, to the finish line. Why? Because you have to hand a paddle in hand for it to count as a finish!



Final time:
13:28 for slightwayly less than 1 mile which means I was much slower than the last race. But this year’s goal was to not fall off too much (I fell once), finish strong, and not lose my board! I was pretty successful and then got all morning to hang at the beach with my kid and teach her how to boogie board.
Overall thoughts:
I had a blast! Hung out with my kid, took in the sun, and enjoyed a new experience.
The Gear List:
My gear lists so folks can see what I’m carrying and how it changes between courses and weather. As usual, some affiliate links, most aren’t; I am not sponsored by any specific companies.
Clothes:
Swim Suit: I’m a disaster here, I have two different brands on! My top is the Tyr Durafast Diamond Back Workout Bikini. Great top for swimming and SUP if you need more support than their tieback tops. The bottoms are the Nike Essential Cheeky Swim Bottom. Doesn’t cover much but it stays in place and I like the freedom of movement, especially as I’m running of popping up on the board.
PFD: I’ve just switched to the Drift Belt since my bulky kayaking PFD impeded my movement too much.
Leash: Uni Gear 10′ Coiled. I’ve never needed a leash before but damn I needed it on race day!
Hat: My trusty finishers hat from the River Cities Tri a few years ago. Lost it to the waves on turn 2, but a kind race watcher found me and gave it back after the race.
Nutrition:
Snacks, self carried: None because, duh, water. I did pack a picnic for the kiddo an I which we both enjoyed.
Other:
Board: Bote HD 12′ – It’s big, its bad bass, its versatile, and my daughter loves riding it. That said, she’s heavy, turns like a pig, and it’s a great racing board.

GPS: Garmin Forerunner 945 – Y’all know I love this watch and I’ve talked about it before, the good and bad. I didn’t have any tracks walk-offs today and I’m confident in the recorded distance/time accurately.
For more race reports check these out:
Mississippi 50k – Ultramarathon at last!
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love is what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Welcome back to my series on plot building. I have written about plotting out your story via index cards as well as how to frame a plot in Part 1 of this series. Whether you’re a Plotter or Pantser, there’s a lot of goodness in that method.
Today I want to focus on more of what I do before the index cards come out. Today I’m talking about building characters: good, bad, and neutral.
Buckle up fellow writers and gaming nerds, it’s character creation time!
My first article covered my index card method for developing scenes. Following its success, I discussed framing your plot. Now we’re diving into the heart of a good story: characters. And since I have been rolling with my hommies at The Stronghold D&D lately, I’m going to help my fellow nerds out and throw in some tips for role-playing game (RPG) character creation. (Also, you can catch our group live Sundays at 1pm Central on Twitch or catch older episodes on their YouTube channel.)
Characters
Firstly, what makes a high quality character? Not a “good” character, that is something else. But a character people love, even when they hate to love them. Without diving into too many irrelevancies, once upon a long time ago, as a starving college kid, I valeted for a professional wrestler and had to come up with a persona/character for being ringside. I was completely lost for how to start so the showrunner told me something very simple: “You can be a face (good), you can be a heel (bad), for the love for god, don’t be fucking boring!” And yes, the same applies to writing or RPG character development. A high quality character is distinct, compelling, and complex with an understandable motivation, even when it’s negative. Let’s break these down a bit though.
Distinct: Your characters should be discernable from one another. If you did a police lineup, you should be able to point at them and say “Ah, green eyes the color of old money, that’s Gentleman Jonny Marcone from The Dresden Files” or “A long braid and bow? Definitely Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games!” or “Red-gold hair and ripped? That’s Valerie Hall from the Pantheon series.” Their “voice” or how they speak on the page should be distinct as well. Nothing is worse for a reader than reading three pages of dialogue that all sound the same.
Compelling: Your reader should love the character, even when they hate them. They should root for your character even when they know the character’s actions are bad, morally. This is driven but the complexity of the character and the character’s motivation.
Complexity: Your characters need depth. They need a backstory that drives them. No adult (or teen if you write YA) magically appears on this earth (ok, maybe if you write high fantasy they do), every person lives a life before the story begins. How does that impact them?
Motivation: The thing that will sink a character or drive them to be your readers’ favorite, even when they are evil, is motivation. The motivation must be clear and understandable, even if you don’t reveal it until the end, and it must spark at least some empathy in your readers. Going back to Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games as a protagonist: she is arguably a sociopath, caring for very few people, and even admits that most people only tolerate her because of her fame. But despite this, the reader can empathize with her love for her sister. Killmonger, from Marvel’s Black Panther, is a perfect example of a villain motivation: he is violent, cruel, and willing to kill but you find yourself saying “yes, but he’s got a damn good point (I just don’t love how he’s going about it).” Finally, Frank Underwood from House of Cards makes a good anti-hero motivation: ruthless and tenacious, he crushed anyone he decided was an enemy. While he’s absolutely ruthless, you agree with the outcomes as his enemies are even worse than he is.
A good character is distinct and compelling which comes from having complexity and a good motivation. So how do you, as an author or D&D player, write characters that have those four aspects? Three steps, of course! Determine the character’s purpose in the story, build their background, and add the details. Simple!
Just kidding.
This is not a fast or simple process. Done right, it is developed in layers, altered time and again as you develop other characters in your story and ensure the ensemble works.
D&D Note: Ok, it’s easier for you because other than ensuring party balance, you don’t really have to make a background work with other players.
Purpose
The first question you have to ask yourself when developing a character is what is that character’s purpose in this story? Are they the protagonist, antagonist, side character, or a background character? Do they fit one of the fourteen character archetypes? How do they advance the plot? The answers to these questions will drive the next two steps. If you don’t know a character’s purpose in your story then stop developing them, they’re the character equivalent of a side-bae: kinda fun to play around with, but not getting you anywhere.
Arguably, you should spend the majority of your time ensuring your protagonist(s) and antagonist(s) are the most fleshed out. If you have identified this character as a side character, but fitting into an archetype, you may want to note it so you can add additional depth later to keep them from being flat. That said, I like an archetype character as a side character, especially when they have a well-developed backstory. A well executed archetype character can provide a foil for your main character’s quirks or flaws. The best example I have is Michael Carpenter in The Dresden Files. He fills the role of The Father/Sage and provides the series’ protagonist, Harry Dresden, with wisdom and a moral compass. Despite being an archetype, his well developed backstory ensures he is not a cliché. His background is so well developed, in fact, that he is the protagonist in several of Jim Butcher’s short stories.
D&D Note: For RPGs your biggest concern will be party class balance. That said, if everyone decides their character is the Brooding Silent One, your sessions will get boring fast.
Background
The character’s purpose is your entry point into developing your character. The character’s background is where you will start adding complexity because the background will set the foundation of their motivations. Every action your character takes should have a reason behind it, even the small behaviors.
Do you show your antagonist kicking puppies as a way to demonstrate how evil they are? Great! Now tell me what in their childhood caused them to hate dogs. No one kicks a puppy for no reason!
Is your heroine stunningly, but effortlessly beautiful? Yes? Neato! Now, tell me what about her teenaged years made her self-conscious about wearing makeup.
Let’s pull at an example from my own works (I’d use Killmonger from Black Panther but I don’t want to get sued!):
At the beginning of Pantheon, I describe Valerie Hall as overweight, shy with men, and happy to settle into the “cheerful fat girl” persona, even when it has negative impacts on her military career. This personality description allows me as an author to show her growth to a strong willed, fiery tempered, and passionate but loyal woman by the end. It serves to make the character compelling by her complexity but her motivations come from her background and her catalyst event.
How does a compelling protagonist start off as a character who is, by all accounts, rather dumpy and boring? Because the circumstances that drive her to that starting point also drive her motivation. She starts her story driven by grief: the loss of her fiancé drove her into depression and depressive eating, she finds that it’s easier to live as “the cheerful fat girl” who is unassuming and harmless. It’s easy. It’s safe. And it means she is motivated to stay in that safety. When you meet her, on the worst day of her life, she must make a choice to leave the supposed safety of her own life for greatness. For the average reader, the idea that they could for a moment see themselves as that character and leave their life of boring mediocrity for greatness, is compelling and believable. Your reader will be hooked.
D&D Note: You don’t need to hook your reader, but you do need to hook yourself. Find a background you could enjoy playing.
At the end of this article, I will leave an exhaustive list of questions to ask yourself about your character, but here are the ones you must be able to answer:
Devil is in the Details
The final aspect of character creation is the details. You know who this person is now, to their core. You know not only what motivates them but why. You know their quirks and foibles. But what does this person look like and more importantly, how do you convey that in a way that stands out to readers?
I like to pick out their visual traits first and usually use a Pinterest board to give me ideas. I start by picking a model or actor that is close to how I picture my character: hair, eyes, facial shape, and general build. Next, I layer in the small details that align with the background. My stressy-depressy main character from Pantheon ate her feelings, so I initially described her as overweight. My CIA side character is bland, boring, and blends into his background. I also like to pick at the smaller details, making them hyper specific, while leaving some of the bigger details to the imagination of my readers.
When it comes to details, you want to strike a balance between too much and too little. The main details like the person’s overall look (hair, eye, and skin color) should be basic while elements that tell their story stand out in detail. Does your character handle weapons frequently? Don’t go for the cliché of telling me they smell like “cordite and gun oil,” describe the little callus at the first knuckle of the thumb on their dominant hand that built up from recoil. Is your character a soft person in a group of hardened military types? Great, tell me about the soft pink cashmere sweater they wear that practically begs a callused hand to run over it, savoring one soft element in life. See how one single detail can bring life to a character? I don’t need to tell you much else, your mind will start filling in the rest of the details.
If I am not pressed for time, I try to gauge their personal aesthetic. A note about the “aesthetic” section: this is an odd one to explain. To me, each of my characters has an aesthetic, a vibe, if you will. I use this section to fill in sensory information reflective of each character. While I never directly write this vibe, that would be weird, I use the sensory information to add subtle layers of depth to scenes. Certain characters have certain description tags that are either consistent throughout or change over the course of the plot to indicate the character is undergoing a personal change. No more on that… I’d hate to spoil something accidentally.

The last detail I will speak to is the most difficult for me to teach because it will exist only in your head: your character’s “voice.” Some authors can build a character in vivid detail only to lose their readers when everyone speaks the same. Some hit too hard on a regional accent. And some overuse certain phrases. (See: every romance author ever who uses the phrase “she/he exhaled the breath they didn’t know they were holding.”)
I believe a successfully written character speaks in a manner that gives the reader a hint at their background but doesn’t punch them in the face with dialect. I try to keep things consistent with the character’s age and profession, then sprinkle in a few phrases that are unique to that individual.
Here are my two examples:
Valerie Hall: mid-20s, early in her career and junior in rank to nearly all her co-workers. When she speaks to her co-workers, she is scrupulously polite and maintains all the customs and courtesies of a military officer. When she speaks to her handler, Mandy, another 20-something, she is much less formal and drops in colloquialisms. Additionally, early in the book, she calls her father “Daddy” at a time of high stress and emotion. She refers to him as “Dad” for the remainder of the book because, in those encounters, she is much calmer.
Marco Martinez: early-40s, the most senior character in the group’s military structure. When he speaks, his tone and words imply that he is phrasing his statement politely, but nothing is a request, it is an order. However, when he speaks to Mandy, they bounce between English and Spanish as family members of a bi-lingual household do, which should imply to my readers that the pair are closer than a simple boss/subordinate relationship.
D&D Note: depending on how into your RP you want to get, you can either try voice acting or end up with a character that sounds shockingly like you. If you can do voices, awesome! If not, eh, stick to your own voice.
Conclusion
I am a firm believer that characters drive stories. A compelling story can otherwise be lost to flat, boring characters. If you want characters that drive the plot, they must be distinct, compelling, and complex with an understandable motivation, even when it’s negative. Authors achieve this by knowing their character’s purpose, developing a background that shows the foundation of a character’s motivation, and layering on details that build a character that stands out in the minds of the reader.
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love is what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
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Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Welcome back to the wild world of ultramarathon training and trail running. As many of you may know, 2022 was not my year. I collapsed at work in January which caused me to miss the 2022 Bear Bait 25k. From there, I endured surgery (March), two failed courses of medication (summer), a week where I was in the ER three times in eight days (August), and finally my desperate search for a doctor willing to take my case (September/October) and perform what was arguably life saving surgery (November).
Whew, what a year!


While many of you know I’m no quitter: I endure the pain cave like a champ and finally completed the Mississippi 50 in 2021, I’m sure many wondered if I would, or even could, get back to trail races and ultramarathon.
Honestly? I questioned it too. I spent a year in pain. I was in pain for so long my doctors would start writing “chronic pain” in my notes. I was sent to a pain management specialist. The scar tissue building up across my organs began to impinge on my hip and by October I walked with a visible limp. Fatigue from Lupron (AKA – the “hell drug”) made it nearly impossible to work, let alone work out. And at my lowest points, my only goal was not to die.
I can still remember sitting at my gaming computer, back to my rack of race medals, sobbing and whispering across Discord to a friend who was miles away: “I don’t even care about that anymore, I just don’t want to die.”
But thanks to friends who were able to link me up with doctors are Walter Reed National Military Hospital, I was able to receive the surgery I needed. I came out with five few organs and five new scars, but alive and feeling better than I had the entire year.
I hobbled out of Walter Reed on Veterans Day, 2022, and swore I would complete the race I missed that January.
Only nine weeks later, I crossed that finish line!
It wasn’t fast and it wasn’t pretty, but I met my very, very simple goals for the first race back.

Today you’re getting my full race report for Bear Bait Ultra – 25k (15.53 mile) Race
Check in:
Bear Bait is run by a new race director as of this year, but the race maintained its same high quality, no frills approach. They offered two options for packet pick up, one of which was close to where I live. I was in and out in about five minutes and even had a chance to check on our Little Free Library to see if anyone picked up my copies of Pantheon and Pantheon 2: Ares & Athena from around Thanksgiving. (They had!)


Starting line:
For the 2021 race, COVID restrictions meant the race director was unable to get a permit to run at Bear Lake, the race’s namesake location. They had to do a rapid shift to Adventures Unlimited, a nearby outdoor park. The new course was so popular, the race has remained there while retaining its “Bear Bait” name.
I’m a big fan of the new course because while it is more technical terrain, the start/finish loop through a large barn and past a parking lot which allows for easy crewing. I was lucky enough to grab a parking spot at the final turn before the barn which made refills very easy.
New this year, they added a single four mile race and split the four races, into two days. This meant that, unlike last time when I started at 6:45, before the sun was fully up, I was able to start at an easy 8:00. And yes, like last time, the starting temperature was in the 30s. Brr!

The course:
I was glad to have seen this course before because it meant I could mentally prepare for its challenges. Fortunately, it was drier this year and I was happy to finish with dry feet!
Weather: A brisk 37F at opening and race start but warmed up to about 52F by the time I was done around 1pm. I started with every layer I had, including my windbreaker. The windbreaker, gloves, and vest came off after the first lap and I was relatively comfortable for the last three laps.
Trail conditions: Overall, great with only a few minor “I hate this” points. There were a few creek crossings but every single one had a bridge so my feet stayed dry! The trail was primarily single track but very technical due to the roots. The only breaks were one slightly swampy area that was mostly dry this year. There was also a slight change to the course route which still included the 0.25 mile long stretch of deep sand, but a jog over to the water line which was also deep sand.


Terrain: Flat. Mercifully, blissfully flat compared to BUTS. In 15 miles I had ~500ft of elevation change. There were a couple of steep drops but nothing terrible for a 25k runner. It will be a challenging course for those running into the night.
Aid stations:
As a looped course, I came through the main aid station three times during the race and finished basically in the main aid station. A local running club also set up a small aid station on the far side of the course which is where I got my beloved M&Ms.
Last time they had everything in individual cups, a trend I hoped would continue, but this year it was back to communal bowls. I mostly skipped those, choosing the individual cups of M&Ms on the far side of the course. I also had my car parked less than 100 meters from the barn and was able to get my own snacks.
Did I hit the Pain Cave?
Nope. Not even close. My running partner and I did this at a walk and while my calves and glutes got a good workout, we weren’t moving fast enough to hit the pain cave.
The unknowns:
The biggest unknown was me. In the nine weeks after getting out of the hospital, I worked diligently to get back to fighting form, but did not have the time to get any long walks in. We rolled the dice that my baseline level of fitness would be enough to carry me through. We also rolled the dice that my body would react well and I wouldn’t fall apart. The fact that it’s a looped course and I was never more than a half mile from the barn gave me some measure of safety. My running buddy having my Mom on speed dial helped too, just in case.

Crew:
Yes! For the first time, I had what could be considered a crew. Namely, my usual running partner. He was under strict orders from my Mom not to let me run and served as my safety net in case things went wrong. Things went well and we had odd conversations about which Muppets we would fight, which American President we wanted to punch the most, and what we would do if we had won the Mega Millions drawing from the night before. (Spoiler: neither of us won.)
The finish line:
Low key as always. We were some of the last folks in, having done the course at a brisk walk. (Or “power hike” in ultra lingo.)


Final time:
4:35 for 14.72 mi (the course was just shy of the billed 25k). The unofficial results showed me as the 54th of 80 racers. That was a full 1.5 hours slower than in 2021, but I achieved my main goal: finish!
My timing goal was sub-5:00. I’m very happy to have been nearly 30 minutes under my goal given the circumstances.
Overall thoughts:
Comparatively, it was an agonizingly slow race, despite holding a brisk walking pace. But I genuinely didn’t care about the time or pace, I wanted to finish and prove to myself I could make it back. To have gone from crying to a friend, not wanting to die, to walking across the finish line feeling more alive than I had in a year was the right way to start 2023.
The Gear List:
I’m going to start adding gear lists to all my runs so folks can see what I’m carrying and how it changes between courses and weather. Some affiliate links, most aren’t.
Clothes:
Top: Nike Women’s Dri-Fit Element Long Sleeve Running Top – This one is a good top (45-55F) or middle layer (<45F). Plus, thumb holes and it covers half my hand.
Tank top: My race shirt from the Charlotte RaceFest. What can I say, I love the color!
Bra: SheFit ULTIMATE SPORTS BRA – a qualified “good.” I like that you buy based on cup size and both the chest band and shoulder straps are adjustable; it’s probably the most comfortable sports bra I have. I had found these tore up my back at the metal cinch, but at a walking pace I had no issues.
Tights: Curve ‘n’ Combat Boots Empowered Black (V1) – These were the same tights as the 2021 race and they showed their age. The elastic is going and I was pulling them up constantly. That said, they’re five years old and I got my money’s worth.
Socks: Balega Blister Resist Quarter Socks – These are thick and comfy but the “blister resist” is only as good as how well you lace your shoes. I did not lace my right shoe tight enough and have a small blister to show for my slipping around inside the shoe.
Shoes: Altra Olympus Trail Shoe – These have the thickest soles of my trail shoes which was good for all the roots on the trail. If it hadn’t been as technical, I might have considered dropping down to my Lone Peaks which have a thinner sole and are lighter weight.
Gaiter: Altra Trailer Gaiter – Designed specifically for Altra trail shoes and fits well (will not work on other shoes!). Kept out the sand pit I slogged through around mile 3 of each loop.
Gloves: Cheap ($1) knit cotton gloves bought from either Michaels or Hobby Lobby a few years back. I highly recommend finding a very cheap cotton glove to carry. Expensive bougie gloves are great but get lost so often… buy the cheap ones and they’ll never disappear on you.
Hat: Brooks and probably some type of dry fit? It was a gift so I have no idea where it was purchased. Wears well and kept my head warm.
Nutrition:
Vest: Ultimate Direction Ultra Vesta 4.0 – This is my “new to me” but “older model” vest I got on sale for half price. There’s a new version but I’m glad I gambled on buying this one as it’s been a real champ. Lots of easily accessible pockets, good bottle holders, and the bladder holding set up keeps it from rattling around or slipping its loops like my other vest. Not as easy to access the bladder for refills once it’s on but I didn’t need a refill this race so it hasn’t impacted me yet.
Snacks: Both the Honey Stinger Organic Energy Chews (caffeinated version) and the Honey Stinger Organic Waffle. For the cold, this wasn’t a great pairing. The waffle was stiff and hard to chew from cold and since the chews are caffeinated, they aren’t a good “only” option. I supplemented with snacks from the aid station during this race. But for a race in more normal temps, they work really well for me.
Other:
GPS: Garmin Forerunner 945 – Y’all know I love this watch and I’ve talked about it before, the good and bad. I didn’t have any track walk offs today and I’m confident in the recorded distance/time. Also, can confirm the Incident Detection worked as advertised… except that it doesn’t send if you have no cell service. Probably a good thing or I would have scared the hubs! I was rattled enough that I didn’t have my wits about me in time to halt it sending the distress call. Fortunately (for today) it couldn’t complete the send.
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love is what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!