Author K R Paul
Military Thrillers X Urban Fantasy
Race Report: Paddle At The Park 2023
Welcome back endurance racing fans! It’s been a minute since I did a race report because due to last year’s battle against endometriosis, I basically didn’t race! I enjoyed Paddle at the Park in 2021 so much that I signed up for Paddle at the Park 2022, but unfortunately had two ER trips in the week before the race so I pulled out. Good thing too because three days later I was sent to the ER again for suspected sepsis. I’m thankful to say that the surgery I received in November saved my life and got me back on my feet and kicking ass again.
I still consider myself a paddleboarding novice and today’s race did reinforce how much I can still learn, but today was about getting out there and crossing the finish line. This was a new venue/location from the last few years as well, located on the Okaloosa Island Boardwalk which meant it was even closer to home for me.
Today you’re getting my full race report for Paddle at the Park – Stand Up Paddle Board Race (1 mile)
Check in:
This was an easy morning: I had packed all my bags, prepped snacks and water, then loaded my paddleboard the night before. All I needed to do was wake and feed the kiddo and myself then pop in the car and drive away. Packet pick up was right on the boardwalk so five minutes after setting up my half tent I had my packet and was strapping on my ankle timer.
Starting line:
All race distances started in the same location and it was a run straight into the surf.
The course:
This race still offers a 1, 3, and 6-mile options as well as a kids race. Since I have only raced a paddle board once before and am in the final phases of surgical recovery, I opted for the 1-mile course. At the new location, 1-mile racers paralleled a long fishing pier, looped a buoy, then returned to the start.
There were three buoys directly in front of us and the course director said that going to the second, making a right hand turn, and returning would be the mile course. I think he misunderstood because my GPS only showed a half mile of paddling and I think we needed to go to the third and final buoy.
Unlike last year, the weather was perfect if a little breezy, which you can see from my banana shaped track. With no weather holds, everything went on time and I didn’t miss the start this time!
Weather: Perfect temperature but the wind made for some chop and breaking surf at the shore. A little daunting for a novice racer.
Did I hit the Pain Cave?
Hahaha. Nope! But, had I done the 3-mile course, I probably would have. That said, if the course had been a true 1 mile, I might have.
Crew:
No crew for this race, just my kiddo cheering me on and a friend snapping pictures for me.
The finish line:
This was a wild experience for someone who’s never raced SUP. To finish, you ride your board in as far as you can get, then ditch it. (A volunteer collects it for you.) Then you *sprint* up the beach, paddle in hand, to the finish line. Why? Because you have to hand a paddle in hand for it to count as a finish!
Final time:
13:28 for slightwayly less than 1 mile which means I was much slower than the last race. But this year’s goal was to not fall off too much (I fell once), finish strong, and not lose my board! I was pretty successful and then got all morning to hang at the beach with my kid and teach her how to boogie board.
Overall thoughts:
I had a blast! Hung out with my kid, took in the sun, and enjoyed a new experience.
The Gear List:
My gear lists so folks can see what I’m carrying and how it changes between courses and weather. As usual, some affiliate links, most aren’t; I am not sponsored by any specific companies.
Clothes:
Swim Suit: I’m a disaster here, I have two different brands on! My top is the Tyr Durafast Diamond Back Workout Bikini. Great top for swimming and SUP if you need more support than their tieback tops. The bottoms are the Nike Essential Cheeky Swim Bottom. Doesn’t cover much but it stays in place and I like the freedom of movement, especially as I’m running of popping up on the board.
PFD: I’ve just switched to the Drift Belt since my bulky kayaking PFD impeded my movement too much.
Leash: Uni Gear 10′ Coiled. I’ve never needed a leash before but damn I needed it on race day!
Hat: My trusty finishers hat from the River Cities Tri a few years ago. Lost it to the waves on turn 2, but a kind race watcher found me and gave it back after the race.
Nutrition:
Snacks, self carried: None because, duh, water. I did pack a picnic for the kiddo an I which we both enjoyed.
Other:
Board: Bote HD 12′ – It’s big, its bad bass, its versatile, and my daughter loves riding it. That said, she’s heavy, turns like a pig, and it’s a great racing board.
GPS: Garmin Forerunner 945 – Y’all know I love this watch and I’ve talked about it before, the good and bad. I didn’t have any tracks walk-offs today and I’m confident in the recorded distance/time accurately.
For more race reports check these out:
Mississippi 50k – Ultramarathon at last!
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Build Your Plot, Part 2 – The Characters
Welcome back to my series on plot building. I have written about plotting out your story via index cards as well as how to frame a plot in Part 1 of this series. Whether you’re a Plotter or Pantser, there’s a lot of goodness in that method.
Today I want to focus on more of what I do before the index cards come out. Today I’m talking about building characters: good, bad, and neutral.
Buckle up fellow writers and gaming nerds, it’s character creation time!
My first article covered my index card method for developing scenes. Following its success, I discussed framing your plot. Now we’re diving into the heart of a good story: characters. And since I have been rolling with my hommies at The Stronghold D&D lately, I’m going to help my fellow nerds out and throw in some tips for role-playing game (RPG) character creation. (Also, you can catch our group live Sundays at 1pm Central on Twitch or catch older episodes on their YouTube channel.)
Characters
Firstly, what makes a high quality character? Not a “good” character, that is something else. But a character people love, even when they hate to love them. Without diving into too many irrelevancies, once upon a long time ago, as a starving college kid, I valeted for a professional wrestler and had to come up with a persona/character for being ringside. I was completely lost for how to start so the showrunner told me something very simple: “You can be a face (good), you can be a heel (bad), for the love for god, don’t be fucking boring!” And yes, the same applies to writing or RPG character development. A high quality character is distinct, compelling, and complex with an understandable motivation, even when it’s negative. Let’s break these down a bit though.
Distinct: Your characters should be discernable from one another. If you did a police lineup, you should be able to point at them and say “Ah, green eyes the color of old money, that’s Gentleman Jonny Marcone from The Dresden Files” or “A long braid and bow? Definitely Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games!” or “Red-gold hair and ripped? That’s Valerie Hall from the Pantheon series.” Their “voice” or how they speak on the page should be distinct as well. Nothing is worse for a reader than reading three pages of dialogue that all sound the same.
Compelling: Your reader should love the character, even when they hate them. They should root for your character even when they know the character’s actions are bad, morally. This is driven but the complexity of the character and the character’s motivation.
Complexity: Your characters need depth. They need a backstory that drives them. No adult (or teen if you write YA) magically appears on this earth (ok, maybe if you write high fantasy they do), every person lives a life before the story begins. How does that impact them?
Motivation: The thing that will sink a character or drive them to be your readers’ favorite, even when they are evil, is motivation. The motivation must be clear and understandable, even if you don’t reveal it until the end, and it must spark at least some empathy in your readers. Going back to Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games as a protagonist: she is arguably a sociopath, caring for very few people, and even admits that most people only tolerate her because of her fame. But despite this, the reader can empathize with her love for her sister. Killmonger, from Marvel’s Black Panther, is a perfect example of a villain motivation: he is violent, cruel, and willing to kill but you find yourself saying “yes, but he’s got a damn good point (I just don’t love how he’s going about it).” Finally, Frank Underwood from House of Cards makes a good anti-hero motivation: ruthless and tenacious, he crushed anyone he decided was an enemy. While he’s absolutely ruthless, you agree with the outcomes as his enemies are even worse than he is.
A good character is distinct and compelling which comes from having complexity and a good motivation. So how do you, as an author or D&D player, write characters that have those four aspects? Three steps, of course! Determine the character’s purpose in the story, build their background, and add the details. Simple!
Just kidding.
This is not a fast or simple process. Done right, it is developed in layers, altered time and again as you develop other characters in your story and ensure the ensemble works.
D&D Note: Ok, it’s easier for you because other than ensuring party balance, you don’t really have to make a background work with other players.
Purpose
The first question you have to ask yourself when developing a character is what is that character’s purpose in this story? Are they the protagonist, antagonist, side character, or a background character? Do they fit one of the fourteen character archetypes? How do they advance the plot? The answers to these questions will drive the next two steps. If you don’t know a character’s purpose in your story then stop developing them, they’re the character equivalent of a side-bae: kinda fun to play around with, but not getting you anywhere.
Arguably, you should spend the majority of your time ensuring your protagonist(s) and antagonist(s) are the most fleshed out. If you have identified this character as a side character, but fitting into an archetype, you may want to note it so you can add additional depth later to keep them from being flat. That said, I like an archetype character as a side character, especially when they have a well-developed backstory. A well executed archetype character can provide a foil for your main character’s quirks or flaws. The best example I have is Michael Carpenter in The Dresden Files. He fills the role of The Father/Sage and provides the series’ protagonist, Harry Dresden, with wisdom and a moral compass. Despite being an archetype, his well developed backstory ensures he is not a cliché. His background is so well developed, in fact, that he is the protagonist in several of Jim Butcher’s short stories.
D&D Note: For RPGs your biggest concern will be party class balance. That said, if everyone decides their character is the Brooding Silent One, your sessions will get boring fast.
Background
The character’s purpose is your entry point into developing your character. The character’s background is where you will start adding complexity because the background will set the foundation of their motivations. Every action your character takes should have a reason behind it, even the small behaviors.
Do you show your antagonist kicking puppies as a way to demonstrate how evil they are? Great! Now tell me what in their childhood caused them to hate dogs. No one kicks a puppy for no reason!
Is your heroine stunningly, but effortlessly beautiful? Yes? Neato! Now, tell me what about her teenaged years made her self-conscious about wearing makeup.
Let’s pull at an example from my own works (I’d use Killmonger from Black Panther but I don’t want to get sued!):
At the beginning of Pantheon, I describe Valerie Hall as overweight, shy with men, and happy to settle into the “cheerful fat girl” persona, even when it has negative impacts on her military career. This personality description allows me as an author to show her growth to a strong willed, fiery tempered, and passionate but loyal woman by the end. It serves to make the character compelling by her complexity but her motivations come from her background and her catalyst event.
How does a compelling protagonist start off as a character who is, by all accounts, rather dumpy and boring? Because the circumstances that drive her to that starting point also drive her motivation. She starts her story driven by grief: the loss of her fiancé drove her into depression and depressive eating, she finds that it’s easier to live as “the cheerful fat girl” who is unassuming and harmless. It’s easy. It’s safe. And it means she is motivated to stay in that safety. When you meet her, on the worst day of her life, she must make a choice to leave the supposed safety of her own life for greatness. For the average reader, the idea that they could for a moment see themselves as that character and leave their life of boring mediocrity for greatness, is compelling and believable. Your reader will be hooked.
D&D Note: You don’t need to hook your reader, but you do need to hook yourself. Find a background you could enjoy playing.
At the end of this article, I will leave an exhaustive list of questions to ask yourself about your character, but here are the ones you must be able to answer:
- Describe your characters childhood. What stands out to them? What is one event that impacted them deeply that their parents “don’t think is a big deal”?
- What is your character’s most prized possession and why?
- Who is their mentor? What aspect of their mentor do they appreciate the most and why?
- What hidden guilt does your character carry?
- Who is your character’s closest confidant and why?
Devil is in the Details
The final aspect of character creation is the details. You know who this person is now, to their core. You know not only what motivates them but why. You know their quirks and foibles. But what does this person look like and more importantly, how do you convey that in a way that stands out to readers?
I like to pick out their visual traits first and usually use a Pinterest board to give me ideas. I start by picking a model or actor that is close to how I picture my character: hair, eyes, facial shape, and general build. Next, I layer in the small details that align with the background. My stressy-depressy main character from Pantheon ate her feelings, so I initially described her as overweight. My CIA side character is bland, boring, and blends into his background. I also like to pick at the smaller details, making them hyper specific, while leaving some of the bigger details to the imagination of my readers.
When it comes to details, you want to strike the balance between too much and too little. The main details like the person’s overall look (hair, eye, and skin color) should be basic while elements that tell their story stand out in detail. Does your character handle weapons frequently? Don’t go for the cliché of telling me they smell like “cordite and gun oil,” describe the little callus at the first knuckle of the thumb on their dominant hand that built up from recoil. Is your character a soft person in a group of hardened military types? Great, tell me about the soft pink cashmere sweater they wear that practically begs a callused hand to run over it, savoring one soft element in life. See how one single detail can bring life to a character? I don’t need to tell you much else, you mind will start filling in the rest of the details.
If I am not pressed for time, I try to gauge what their personal aesthetic. A note about the “aesthetic” section: this is an odd one to explain. To me, each of my characters has an aesthetic, a vibe, if you will. I use this section to fill in sensory information reflective of each character. While I never directly write this vibe, that would be weird, I use the sensory information to add subtle layers of depth to scenes. Certain characters have certain description tags that are either consistent throughout or they change over the course of the plot to indicate the character is undergoing a personal change. No more on that… I’d hate to spoil something accidentally.
The last detail I will speak to is the most difficult for me to teach because it will exist only in your head: your character’s “voice.” Some authors can build a character in vivid detail only to lose their readers when everyone speaks the same. Some hit too hard on a regional accent. And some overuse certain phrases. (See: every romance author ever who uses the phrase “she/he exhaled the breath they didn’t know they were holding.”)
I believe a successfully written character speaks in a manner that gives the reader a hint at their background but doesn’t punch them in the face with dialect. I try to keep things consistent with the character’s age and profession, then sprinkle in a few phrases that are unique to that individual.
Here are my two examples:
Valerie Hall: mid-20s, early in her career and junior in rank to nearly all her co-workers. When she speaks to her co-workers, she is scrupulously polite and maintains all the customs and courtesies of a military officer. When she speaks to her handler, Mandy, another 20-something, she is much less formal and drops in colloquialisms. Additionally, early in the book, she calls her father “Daddy” at a time of high stress and emotion. She refers to him as “Dad” for the remainder of the book because, in those encounters, she is much calmer.
Marco Martinez: early-40s, the most senior character in the group’s military structure. When he speaks, his tone and words imply that he is phrasing his statement politely, but nothing is a request, it is an order. However, when he speaks to Mandy, they bounce between English and Spanish as family members of a bi-lingual household do, which should imply to my readers that the pair are closer than a simple boss/subordinate relationship.
D&D Note: depending on how into your RP you want to get, you can either try voice acting or end up with a character that sounds shockingly like you. If you can do voices, awesome! If not, eh, stick to your own voice.
Conclusion
I am a firm believer that characters drive stories. A compelling story can otherwise be lost to flat, boring characters. If you want characters that drive the plot, they must be distinct, compelling, and complex with an understandable motivation, even when it’s negative. Authors achieve this by knowing their character’s purpose, developing a background that shows the foundation of a character’s motivation, and layering on details that build a character that stands out in the minds of the reader.
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love is what keeps this trail rolling!
Want more? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or check out my fiction on Amazon. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Race Report: Bear Bait 25k (2023)
Welcome back to the wild world of ultramarathon training and trail running. As many of you may know, 2022 was not my year. I collapsed at work in January which caused me to miss the 2022 Bear Bait 25k. From there, I endured surgery (March), two failed courses of medication (summer), a week where I was in the ER three times in eight days (August), and finally my desperate search for a doctor willing to take my case (September/October) and perform what was arguably life saving surgery (November).
Whew, what a year!
While many of you know I’m no quitter: I endure the pain cave like a champ and finally completed the Mississippi 50 in 2021, I’m sure many wondered if I would, or even could, get back to trail races and ultramarathon.
Honestly? I questioned it too. I spent a year in pain. I was in pain for so long my doctors would start writing “chronic pain” in my notes. I was sent to a pain management specialist. The scar tissue building up across my organs began to impinge on my hip and by October I walked with a visible limp. Fatigue from Lupron (AKA – the “hell drug”) made it nearly impossible to work, let alone work out. And at my lowest points, my only goal was not to die.
I can still remember sitting at my gaming computer, back to my rack of race medals, sobbing and whispering across Discord to a friend who was miles away: “I don’t even care about that anymore, I just don’t want to die.”
But thanks to friends who were able to link me up with doctors are Walter Reed National Military Hospital, I was able to receive the surgery I needed. I came out with five few organs and five new scars, but alive and feeling better than I had the entire year.
I hobbled out of Walter Reed on Veterans Day, 2022, and swore I would complete the race I missed that January.
Only nine weeks later, I crossed that finish line!
It wasn’t fast and it wasn’t pretty, but I met my very, very simple goals for the first race back.
Today you’re getting my full race report for Bear Bait Ultra – 25k (15.53 mile) Race
Check in:
Bear Bait is run by a new race director as of this year, but the race maintained its same high quality, no frills approach. They offered two options for packet pick up, one of which was close to where I live. I was in and out in about five minutes and even had a chance to check on our Little Free Library to see if anyone picked up my copies of Pantheon and Pantheon 2: Ares & Athena from around Thanksgiving. (They had!)
Starting line:
For the 2021 race, COVID restrictions meant the race director was unable to get a permit to run at Bear Lake, the race’s namesake location. They had to do a rapid shift to Adventures Unlimited, a nearby outdoor park. The new course was so popular, the race has remained there while retaining its “Bear Bait” name.
I’m a big fan of the new course because while it is more technical terrain, the start/finish loop through a large barn and past a parking lot which allows for easy crewing. I was lucky enough to grab a parking spot at the final turn before the barn which made refills very easy.
New this year, they added a single four mile race and split the four races, into two days. This meant that, unlike last time when I started at 6:45, before the sun was fully up, I was able to start at an easy 8:00. And yes, like last time, the starting temperature was in the 30s. Brr!
The course:
I was glad to have seen this course before because it meant I could mentally prepare for its challenges. Fortunately, it was drier this year and I was happy to finish with dry feet!
Weather: A brisk 37F at opening and race start but warmed up to about 52F by the time I was done around 1pm. I started with every layer I had, including my windbreaker. The windbreaker, gloves, and vest came off after the first lap and I was relatively comfortable for the last three laps.
Trail conditions: Overall, great with only a few minor “I hate this” points. There were a few creek crossings but every single one had a bridge so my feet stayed dry! The trail was primarily single track but very technical due to the roots. The only breaks were one slightly swampy area that was mostly dry this year. There was also a slight change to the course route which still included the 0.25 mile long stretch of deep sand, but a jog over to the water line which was also deep sand.
Terrain: Flat. Mercifully, blissfully flat compared to BUTS. In 15 miles I had ~500ft of elevation change. There were a couple of steep drops but nothing terrible for a 25k runner. It will be a challenging course for those running into the night.
Aid stations:
As a looped course, I came through the main aid station three times during the race and finished basically in the main aid station. A local running club also set up a small aid station on the far side of the course which is where I got my beloved M&Ms.
Last time they had everything in individual cups, a trend I hoped would continue, but this year it was back to communal bowls. I mostly skipped those, choosing the individual cups of M&Ms on the far side of the course. I also had my car parked less than 100 meters from the barn and was able to get my own snacks.
Did I hit the Pain Cave?
Nope. Not even close. My running partner and I did this at a walk and while my calves and glutes got a good workout, we weren’t moving fast enough to hit the pain cave.
The unknowns:
The biggest unknown was me. In the nine weeks after getting out of the hospital, I worked diligently to get back to fighting form, but did not have the time to get any long walks in. We rolled the dice that my baseline level of fitness would be enough to carry me through. We also rolled the dice that my body would react well and I wouldn’t fall apart. The fact that it’s a looped course and I was never more than a half mile from the barn gave me some measure of safety. My running buddy having my Mom on speed dial helped too, just in case.
Crew:
Yes! For the first time, I had what could be considered a crew. Namely, my usual running partner. He was under strict orders from my Mom not to let me run and served as my safety net in case things went wrong. Things went well and we had odd conversations about which Muppets we would fight, which American President we wanted to punch the most, and what we would do if we had won the Mega Millions drawing from the night before. (Spoiler: neither of us won.)
The finish line:
Low key as always. We were some of the last folks in, having done the course at a brisk walk. (Or “power hike” in ultra lingo.)
Final time:
4:35 for 14.72 mi (the course was just shy of the billed 25k). The unofficial results showed me as the 54th of 80 racers. That was a full 1.5 hours slower than in 2021, but I achieved my main goal: finish!
My timing goal was sub-5:00. I’m very happy to have been nearly 30 minutes under my goal given the circumstances.
Overall thoughts:
Comparatively, it was an agonizingly slow race, despite holding a brisk walking pace. But I genuinely didn’t care about the time or pace, I wanted to finish and prove to myself I could make it back. To have gone from crying to a friend, not wanting to die, to walking across the finish line feeling more alive than I had in a year was the right way to start 2023.
The Gear List:
I’m going to start adding gear lists to all my runs so folks can see what I’m carrying and how it changes between courses and weather. Some affiliate links, most aren’t.
Clothes:
Top: Nike Women’s Dri-Fit Element Long Sleeve Running Top – This one is a good top (45-55F) or middle layer (<45F). Plus, thumb holes and it covers half my hand.
Tank top: My race shirt from the Charlotte RaceFest. What can I say, I love the color!
Bra: SheFit ULTIMATE SPORTS BRA – a qualified “good.” I like that you buy based on cup size and both the chest band and shoulder straps are adjustable; it’s probably the most comfortable sports bra I have. I had found these tore up my back at the metal cinch, but at a walking pace I had no issues.
Tights: Curve ‘n’ Combat Boots Empowered Black (V1) – These were the same tights as the 2021 race and they showed their age. The elastic is going and I was pulling them up constantly. That said, they’re five years old and I got my money’s worth.
Socks: Balega Blister Resist Quarter Socks – These are thick and comfy but the “blister resist” is only as good as how well you lace your shoes. I did not lace my right shoe tight enough and have a small blister to show for my slipping around inside the shoe.
Shoes: Altra Olympus Trail Shoe – These have the thickest soles of my trail shoes which was good for all the roots on the trail. If it hadn’t been as technical, I might have considered dropping down to my Lone Peaks which have a thinner sole and are lighter weight.
Gaiter: Altra Trailer Gaiter – Designed specifically for Altra trail shoes and fits well (will not work on other shoes!). Kept out the sand pit I slogged through around mile 3 of each loop.
Gloves: Cheap ($1) knit cotton gloves bought from either Michaels or Hobby Lobby a few years back. I highly recommend finding a very cheap cotton glove to carry. Expensive bougie gloves are great but get lost so often… buy the cheap ones and they’ll never disappear on you.
Hat: Brooks and probably some type of dry fit? It was a gift so I have no idea where it was purchased. Wears well and kept my head warm.
Nutrition:
Vest: Ultimate Direction Ultra Vesta 4.0 – This is my “new to me” but “older model” vest I got on sale for half price. There’s a new version but I’m glad I gambled on buying this one as it’s been a real champ. Lots of easily accessible pockets, good bottle holders, and the bladder holding set up keeps it from rattling around or slipping its loops like my other vest. Not as easy to access the bladder for refills once it’s on but I didn’t need a refill this race so it hasn’t impacted me yet.
Snacks: Both the Honey Stinger Organic Energy Chews (caffeinated version) and the Honey Stinger Organic Waffle. For the cold, this wasn’t a great pairing. The waffle was stiff and hard to chew from cold and since the chews are caffeinated, they aren’t a good “only” option. I supplemented with snacks from the aid station during this race. But for a race in more normal temps, they work really well for me.
Other:
GPS: Garmin Forerunner 945 – Y’all know I love this watch and I’ve talked about it before, the good and bad. I didn’t have any track walk offs today and I’m confident in the recorded distance/time. Also, can confirm the Incident Detection worked as advertised… except that it doesn’t send if you have no cell service. Probably a good thing or I would have scared the hubs! I was rattled enough that I didn’t have my wits about me in time to halt it sending the distress call. Fortunately (for today) it couldn’t complete the send.
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love is what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and its sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
To my friends seeking divorce in 2022
Divorce in 2022. What a ride.
As many of you know, 2022 has not been my year. In addition to many health issues, I finalized a divorce earlier this year. Since then, I have spoken with many of my friends as they worked through divorces. I have found several themes among them: their situation was genuinely irretrievably broken, but despite that, they felt guilt and shame for leaving what was already a broken relationship. So, my purpose today, as my situation is finally stabilizing, is to let you know that you shouldn’t feel ashamed, it does get better, and you deserve to heal.
The holidays are a wonderful time for many, but for those in a marriage that is gasping its last breath, this is not the most wonderful time of year.
Maybe you have considered divorce several times in the past, but obligations have pressured you into staying. Maybe you’ve choked down neglect or abuse for too long and your spouse refusing to defend you against their mother was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Maybe you’ve already asked for the divorce, but you’re putting on a show for the kids to give them the illusion of one last family holiday before you tell them.
Regardless of your situation, you have my empathy; divorce is a painful process, even when it could be titled “amicable.” While many would blame life after COVID for divorces in 2023, I also see it as the generation whose parents “stayed together for the kids” finally hitting a time in their life where the fairytale is over and they have to start making hard decisions. This generation grew up watching their Boomer parents passive-aggressively snipe at each other over the dinner table, refusing to let divorce stigmatize them in social situations and inflicting more harm than good as they tried to maintain their idolized Nuclear Family.
Our generation gets labeled entitled and spoiled, but we are also more aware of the importance of our mental health. Years of tearing down the social stigma of mental health have made a generation willing to consider what fulfills them and when to walk away from toxic situations. Unfortunately, for many of us, our own marriages are what is toxic and we make the heartbreaking decision to prioritize our own mental, physical, and emotional health over a partner who is no longer willing or able to meet our needs.
“But that’s so selfish!” you cry. “What about your children/family?” And you make a great point. What about those in our inner circle? Our children, especially?
The Fallacy of Good or Bad Choices
I think there is a culturally accepted idea that all choices have a “good” and ”bad” answer. That, somehow, a spouse considering divorce should be able to weigh the available options and make a perfect choice that ensures everyone (spouse, children, self) is happy. But that idea is as much a fairytale as the idea of a perfect marriage that requires no work.
In the real world, sometimes the choices are “least bad or destructive,” “slightly more bad and destructive,” or “my divorce lawyer will hate constantly talking me off the proverbial ledge.” No one really “wins” in a divorce. Feelings are hurt, hearts are broken, and even an amicable divorce will require a division of assets that drives difficult discussions. Do the hurt feelings make this a bad decision? No. The best example I can give is the impact of divorce on children. Would you rather your children be harmed by parents whose toxic relationship spills onto them, or would you prefer they see you make the healthy choice, heal as a person, and be a more present parent? I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen my child cry as hard as they did when informed we were divorcing. However, being away from the emotional toll of a broken relationship has given me more energy to devote to our relationship and she is both happier and healthier now.
It will seem like everyone in your life who knows of your divorce will have an opinion on the matter.
Parents. Siblings. Friends. Neighbors. Coworkers. Everyone. (I elected to tell only my closest friends, family, and coworkers. Huge shout out to my boss for never making me feel judged!) But remember, you made the choice healthiest for you and you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s thoughts or feelings; they are of their own making. But people will still seek to impose their opinions on you.
And what’s worse? Many of their comments will induce a feeling of shame, even the well meaning comments. American culture is arguably more accepting of divorce than it was in our parents’ generation, but there is still a stigma associated with it. Many people view divorce as a failure, a lack of moral conviction, or laziness in maintaining one’s relationships. But every person who seeks a divorce has their reason and everyone’s reason is valid to them.
My friend, you had your reason for seeking a divorce, it’s valid, and you should not be ashamed. Don’t let anyone’s comments make you feel ashamed; you are making the right choice for your mental and emotional well-being.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Have you ever ridden a rollercoaster? There is the long wait in line to get on the coaster, then the disconcerting rattle as the car chugs up the first hill. A sense of trepidation and fear sets in. “What have I done? Did I really want to ride this ride?” And before you can complete the thought, you hit the first drop. Your stomach climbs into your throat and all you can do is hold on for dear life. At the bottom of the first hill, you immediately zip up the next, maybe even inverting and wondering if it will ever end. But the hills and drops get smaller as the ride goes on before it levels off completely and you move on with your life.
And that, my friend, is what the emotions of divorce feel like.
As you wait to file for divorce, like standing in line, you know this will be intense with ups and downs, but you don’t fully comprehend until you’re on the ride.
The moments before telling your spouse you want a divorce is the chug up the first hill and their reaction is the first drop. Maybe it’s a shock, like the case of a “walkaway wife” (or husband/spouse). Maybe they lash out and the abuse you’ve endured for years intensifies. Maybe it’s a quiet acceptance of something you both knew was inevitable. (In this rare case, you’re on the teacup ride at Disney: you don’t ride an up and down so much as a dizzying twirl through the legal system.)
In the days and months that follow, you must ride the ups and downs of informing family and friends, seeking a lawyer, splitting assets, and finding new living accommodations. Having children in the home will add extra twists and turns as you navigate a successful co-parenting relationship. But slowly, the rollercoaster winds down and you find a new stasis. It gets more stable, especially if you are able to work with a counselor, and life begins to feel normal again. A feeling of hope returns.
Is the Grass Greener?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Everyone’s situation is different. But even if the grass isn’t greener, you are the gardener. You get to decide when the grass gets trimmed or decide to tear it all out and plant a flower bed instead.
To the outside world, this is the most visible part of the divorce. You redecorate your house. You ask yourself why you do something a certain way you hate and realize you did it for them, and habit patterns change. You do something you never did because your former spouse disliked it. (Hello, new tattoo!) To those on the outside that have never experienced divorce, it seems chaotic. Mercurial.
But with every little (and not so little) choice you make, you walk closer to who you are. You find the things that make you happy. You begin to heal.
And what I want you to know most of all is that you deserve to heal. You deserve to live a healthy life.
I liken a dying/toxic relationship to a boil. The only way to cure it is to lance the wound and drain the bad. Is it painful? Yes. But until you can remove the harmful effects, you can never fully heal.
Recommendations
I hope my words help you feel a sense of relief, that you aren’t alone, and that your health and happiness are worth more than being miserable for appearances. I will leave you with a few recommendations from my own experience and from helping several friends navigate the process this year.
1) Consult with a divorce lawyer before you do anything else. I meant it. Before you say a word to your spouse, you should know your rights, what a reasonable timeline is, and what you are both entitled to in the split. Every state is different and you need to know the law in your state so you aren’t caught by surprise when your spouse suddenly asks for half your paycheck AND your house AND child support. You will also what to know how much access you have to your property and what the rules are for co-parenting before the divorce is finalized. A lawyer will set realistic expectations.
2) Have housing lined up before you inform your spouse. There is nothing worse than being forced to cohabitate with someone when both your emotions are on the rollercoaster.
3) DO NOT BE AN ASS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Or, as one lawyer I consulted with told me, “Don’t tweet anything you’d be embarrassed to read in a courtroom. Make sure your social media would impress the judge.” He was not wrong. Bad mouthing your soon-to-be former spouse will not only anger them, potentially making the mediation process more difficult but it could also be seen as a sign of instability in a custody fight.
4) Be realistic but give yourself grace. It takes two to tango: you and your former arrived at this point together. It is incredibly rare for one party to be completely in the wrong and the other be a saint. You need to be prepared to accept that you had your faults too. But you should also give yourself grace. No one is perfect and people change.
Resources:
The divorce process will bring out a range of emotions and when feelings are raw, past trauma can sometimes come to light. If you need them, below are a few resources that can help:
RAINN – National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-4673
National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline – 988
Veteran’s Crisis Line – 988, option 1 or text 838255
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
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The Great Powerlifting Experiment
For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know I recently competed in my first powerlifting competition. You also know that I suffer from a diagnosed chronic illness that was finally diagnosed back in March and it’s been doing a number on my body. But me being me, of course I decided to give my chronic illness the bird and competed anyway.
My goals were simple: spend 2 months training under a powerlifting style of lifting, gain strength, complete all three lifts, and attain a combined lift of 500lbs.
Spoiler: I accomplished all my goals, despite a few bumps in the road.
What is Powerlifting?
From USA Powerlifting: Distinct from weightlifting, a sport made up of two lifts: the Snatch and the Clean-and-Jerk, where the weight is lifted above the head, powerlifting comprises three lifts: the Squat, Bench Press and Deadlift. Powerlifting competitions may be comprised of one, two or all three of the lifting disciplines.
As you may recall from my post on bodybuilding, I didn’t mean to become a bodybuilder, I wanted to do weightlifting, but a recently repaired shoulder just couldn’t handle the overhead work. That’s why I went with powerlifting instead of weightlifting; my shoulder can now handle a modest bench press, but not the overhead lifts needed in weightlifting.
Powerlifting is as very distinct from bodybuilding. The goal of bodybuilding is to mold and shape the body, through exercise and nutrition, to fit a very specific athletic aesthetic. Powerlifting is about using weightlifting to build a body capable of maximum lifting capability. And yes, your body’s shape is very different in each discipline.
What are the Lifts?
The Three Kings of weightlifting: squat, bench press, and deadlift. Regardless of sports focus, most weightlifting regimes will incorporate these three foundational lifts and their variations.
Squat: Pop it like a squat! The booty makers and quad killer. A squat requires the standing lifter to hold a loaded barbell across their shoulders and bend deeply at the knees until the knee goes parallel to the hip crease, then return to the standing position.
Bench press: The simplest of the three, the lifter lays on a bench, holds the loaded barbell over their chest, allows it to come down (slowly, please!) to the chest, and then presses up until it returns to its original position.
Deadlift: A standing lifter uses two hands to pull the loaded barbell from the ground until the lifter is standing fully erect.
How Did I Train?
As you know, I have a very long history of sports and a five year background in weightlifting for bodybuilding. Surprisingly, the program I found and used was similar to my bodybuilding regime but with fewer reps. I focus on hypertrophy for bodybuilding, which is achieved by lifting a lower weight for higher reps. The goal is to use volume to build muscle fibers and that is why bodybuilders achieve that wonderfully sculpted look.
For powerlifting, I needed the exact opposite: high weight, low reps, and go until failure on the last set. (Failure is when the muscles are no longer capable of the exercise.) Because you go to failure, you also do fewer sets overall. My bodybuilding workout takes me anywhere from 45-75 minutes in the gym and I found I could finish my powerlifting workouts in 30-40 minutes.
In bodybuilding, I used a fabulous coach who set both my workouts and nutrition/macros. Once I took a break from bodybuilding, I started leaning heavily on ExRx.net to find new and interesting lifts. ExRx.net came through for me during my experiment and I found their 5/3/1 Program.
This program builds your strength on 4 week cycles, 3 building weeks and one active recovery week. I liked that everything scales to your known single rep max (the greatest weight you can lift one single time). Everyone has that one exercise they are best at; for me it’s the deadlift, and it allows you to progress up in each lift based on your own strengths.
The only drawback was that it doesn’t have much accessory work. I know I shouldn’t be focused on accessory lifts while training for powerlifting, but after five years, I felt like something was missing from my lifting days. The only thing I used as any kind of accessory work was my Fat Grips, to build my grip strength up, since I knew I was weak there and it would have a direct impact on my lifts.
And I ate. So much more than in bodybuilding. I did keep track of my intake, I did have a specific macro load I was trying to hit, but when you are eating to maintain or even gain, it’s like mana from heaven. There’s so much more wiggle room in the diet. Pizza? Sure! Another delicious cinnamon roll protein bar? Sure! A glass of wine? Well, yes, in moderation. While I do enjoy my wine and IPAs, alcohol is still a detractor when you’re building.
One note about my health and this program: the medication I’m on, Lupron, is a hell drug. It’s the G-D devil and I intend to refuse treatment before the next course. Lupron is used for folks with prostate or ovarian cancer, endometriosis (Hi! It’s me!), and other illnesses that require full hormone suppression. Lupron is chemo-adjacent and sent me into a very rapid and early chemically induced menopause while I started this program. I knew it would cause weight gain and hoped to capitalize on those extra calories for muscle building; however, it also included fatigue, bone pain, joint pain, loss of strength, sleep loss, and hair loss. I hit a few new PRs (personal records) the first couple of weeks, but as the rapid onset menopause hit me, I plateaued just as I should have been hitting my new goal lifts. If I do this again when I’m healthy, it will be a much more accurate look at how the ExRx program’s efficacy.
Day of the Meet
What I expected: I’ll admit I had no idea what to expect from this meet. It was small, run by a dedicated but inexperienced team, and many of the competitors were also new to the sport. It was perfect for me to dip my toes in but it lead to a very long day. I think the only thing I expected was that I would do my three lifts and hope I made my target total weight.
What I saw: First and foremost, lifting for a crowd is amazing! The announcer always noted when a lift was someone’s PR attempt and hearing a crowded room scream for you as you lift the heaviest thing you’ve ever held is powerful. One of the other ladies took me under her wing and helped explain how competitive lifts worked because it was very different from how I trained. (Oops!)
What sucked: I had no idea that competitive lifts differed from how I lift in a workout. There are commands to start and/or return to your starting position. I also learned that I needed to squat much deeper than I was used to in my workouts. That threw me and I had to drop my starting lift by 40lbs to ensure I could make at least one lift.
Why one lift? Well, as I learned, you get three attempts to lift the heaviest weight you can successfully complete, but once you state your first weight, you cannot go down. So, if you fail your first lift, you can’t drop weight and most people are stuck with three failed lifts. Fortunately, my new mentor helped me set three good weights and the organizers allowed me to change before we officially started. And thank goodness, too, because it got rough!
My Three Lifts
With a goal total of 500lbs, I needed to make sure I had a successful lift in each category.
Squat: I had hoped to lift between 185lbs and 195lbs (my PR), but after testing out the much lower squat depth, I changed my starting weight from 175lbs to 135bs. Thank goodness! I lifted 135lbs, 155lbs, and 170lbs successfully, but I’m not sure I would have made that 175lbs opening lift which would have resulted in a failure.
Bench press: I didn’t realize how far down I would have to go for the bench and didn’t factor in the small pause at the bottom where I waited for the “lift!” command. I’m glad I started at only 105lbs because that pause killed me. I was successful on 105lbs but failed twice at 115lbs, a weight where I can I normally do two or three reps. It was disappointing to now be a combined 30lbs below where I thought I would be as I chased 500lbs and it meant I would have to attain a new PR on the deadlift. Thank goodness for that crowd!
Deadlift: Deadlift is my specialty. I have thick thighs and dumps like a truck from years and years of running, cycling, and lifting. It’s also the only lift that I performed in the gym like they do in competition; the only difference is locking at the top until they give the command. But since I lift to lock out anyway, it was just holding on a little longer. My previous PR is 220lbs but if I didn’t try at least 225, I would miss my 500lbs goal.
I’m happy to say I successfully lifted 185lbs, 200lbs, and then went for it on 225lbs. Hearing the head judge yell “PR! PR! PR attempt” and the crowd immediately responding and cheering as I set for the lift was powerful. The weight went up so smoothly, that I probably could have added another 5-10lbs and made it, but I made the safe choice at 225lbs.
Total weight: 500lbs
Squat: 170lbs
Bench: 105lbs
Deadlift: 225lbs
Will I do it again?
A strong maybe. Even now, about a month later, my health and strength are still declining and I have another month before this course of medication ends. I know I’m facing another two months or so before my body normalizes and then it’ll be time for a second round of surgery with a 6-8 week recovery. It will be a while before I can compete again and while I’m open to it, I’m waiting to see how recovery goes before committing to my next big adventure.
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Race Report: Memorial Day Gate-to-Gate
Race reports in 2022… We’re going get to the race report part, but first… boy howdy, 2022 has been a dang year already, hasn’t’ it?
If you get my news letter, you know I’ve been battling some health issues. (If you don’t get the newsletter, you can sign up here.) After too many doctors visits, multiple ultrasounds/CTs, a trip to the ER, and surgery, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness known as endometriosis. Unlucky for me, it’s in Stage III with DIE (“deeply infiltrative endometriosis,” it also makes you feel like you’re dying) and I’m really going through it right now.
Surgery was semi-successful, dropping my daily pain from 7/10 down to 3/10. But the first course of medication was a failure and the new meds have some gnarly side effects. (Blah, blah, blah: “this medication has been prescribed because your doctor has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects.”)
Side effects: nausea, vomiting, insomnia, amenorrhea, hot flashes, fatigue, more fatigue, and for fun, and extra side of fatigue. To say it’s had an impact on running would be putting it mildly. However, I’ve been slogging through and trying to keep my focus on small goals. No ultra marathons for me this year, but a 4.4-miler sounded like a small, but surmountable challenge.
Today you’re getting my full race report for Memorial Day Gate-to-Gate – 4.4 mi Race
This is an interesting one because it is executed by and run entirely on Eglin Air Force Base. The race is held the morning of Memorial Day and has some beautiful tributes to our fallen heroes.
Check in:
Because this is run by the base, the first two days you can only do packet pick up on base. No ID, no pick up. Closer to the race, you can pick them up at the local running shop. I was a dumbass and forgot all four day and therefore had to pick up at 5:30 the morning of the race.
Starting line:
Wow. This was a military race. Pad the pad, to pad the pad. Race starts at 7, be in place no later than 6:30, have to get your packet by 6am and expect 30-60 minutes to get on base if you aren’t an ID holder. Fortunately I live on base so I was able to leave my house at 5:30 and be in line for my packet at 5:45. I then had over an hour to stand around.
The starting line was nice though. They had corrals for different paces but I think they over estimate the abilities of their average runner: 6 min/mi, 6:30 min/mi, 7, 7:30, 8…. then a gaggle of hundreds with those fast pace groups almost empty. They also offered paper carnations to everyone that would late be dropped at the All Wars memorial which was a very nice touch.
The course:
Not the most beautiful course, it was run on the base roads but I appreciated dropping flowers at the All War memorial and the bag piper serenading us as we ran by.
Weather: Hot and hotter! At the 7 am race start, it was a warm 78F and humid. There was a weird, early morning fog layer that laid on the upper parts of the course (looked cool running past a bag piper in the mist) but it all burned off by the time we got down the hill. Which is unfortunate because there wasn’t an inch of shade the last two miles.
Terrain: Flat for the first mile, a gentle downhill to the base of the runway. Then it’s all flat until the very end where you run back up every inch you ran down earlier in about 200m.
Aid stations:
Let me start with a big “WTAF?” to the course organizers. There were probably 600 folks between walkers and runners, Athlinks says I was the 76th person to cross the finish line, rough math says top 15%…. and by the FIRST aid station, they were out of cups. And the second. And the third. And the last.
Honest to goodness, how do you have a race with 600 registered participants and have cups for only 10% of them???
I was so mad. My running partner was mad. Everyone around us was mad. By mile three people were stopping to throw up on the side of the course due to heat and no water. They were already rolling the fire trucks and ambulance as we came up the last hill and they tried to stop us crossing to get the truck by. It was bad!
Did I hit the Pain Cave?
Not really. Not for running anyway. Hot and humid with no water? Eh, not too bad. But I’ve been in pain so long they’re bumped me over into the chronic pain management regime. So, one could say I’ve made a home in the Pain Cave for the last few months. I’m ready to move out and move on.
Crew:
No crew for this race and it was short enough that I didn’t need a pacer, but my usual running partner was there and we pushed each other despite dehydration driven crankiness.
The finish line:
A little party with a small up of beer and some cold Popeye’s chicken then the usual booths of post run junk: cups, magnets, fliers for other races. My partner and I declined all but the beer then hunted down bottles of water. We were scorched and cranky and didn’t stay for awards.
Final time:
43:52 for 4.4 mi. My goal was to hold a gentle 10:00 min/mi pace and I was just a hair faster, clocking in at 9:54 min/mi. It was slow and plodding for a road course but I made my goal and these days, that’s a win.
Overall thoughts:
This was the first time the base was able to hold this race in two years and it showed. The volunteers were polite and friendly but the logistics of the race were a disaster. I can’t say I’ll come back again, even with it being literally in my backyard. Unfortunately, this is last local race of the season, we don’t get anything else until Paddle at the Park in August and no running races until October’s Wicked Triple. If I want another race, it’ll have to be north of here, like the Charlotte RaceFest.
The Gear List:
My gear lists so folks can see what I’m carrying and how it changes between courses and weather. As usual, some affiliate links, most aren’t; I am not sponsored by any specific companies.
Clothes:
Tank top: my trusty Skirt Sports tank top. Unfortunately, then the original owners sold, they dropped this particular top and its not for sale any longer. It’s a great top layer for hot/humid runs and it gave me minimal chaffing.
Bra: SheFit ULTIMATE SPORTS BRA – a qualified “good.” I like that you buy based on cup size and both the chest band and shoulder straps are adjustable; it’s probably the most comfortable sports bra I have. That said, the metal loop that holds the chest band tab tears my back up after 5 miles and I was starting to feel it coming up the hill at mile 4. I should have put my two strips of sports tape under the tab.
Shorts: Nike Fast Shorts – What a game changer for me! I have thick, thicc thighs from trail running and squats. They rub together. All the time. In tights, it’s not an issue but in loose shorts, I end up chaffed. And most stretch shorts only have a 5″ inseam which means the end *right* where my thighs rub. However, Nike’s new trail shorts have a blessed 7″ inseam which left me mostly chaffing free, but for the humidity, it was inevitable.
Socks: Balega Blister Resist Quarter Socks – These are thick and comfy, but the “blister resist” is only as good as how well you lace your shoes and how wet your feet get. At some point, no sock/shoe combo will save you from everything.
Shoes: Altra Provision – I have both the Provision and the Torin but chose the Provision today since it gives a little more stability, something I probably needed with the foot pain I’ve experienced lately.
Hat: My trusty finishers hat from the River Cities Tri a few years ago. It wasn’t cool enough to need a warmer hat.
Nutrition:
Snacks, self carried: None because I didn’t think I’d need to carry water.
Other:
GPS: Garmin Forerunner 945 – Y’all know I love this watch and I’ve talked about it before, the good and bad. I didn’t have any tracks walk-offs today and I’m confident in the recorded distance/time accurately.
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
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Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Book Review – Small Gods
Full Title: Small Gods
Author: Terry Pratchett (On GoodReads)
ISBN: 978-0062237378
Purchase link: Want your own copy in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook
Synopsis:
“Lost in the chill deeps of space between the galaxies, it sails on forever, a flat, circular world carried on the back of a giant turtle— Discworld —a land where the unexpected can be expected. Where the strangest things happen to the nicest people. Like Brutha, a simple lad who only wants to tend his melon patch. Until one day he hears the voice of a god calling his name. A small god, to be sure. But bossy as Hell.”
Review:
My gods, one of my favorite books ever and one I go back to reread at least once a year. Sir Terry Pratchett is a master of the craft and Small Gods is one of his best works. “Small Gods” is comedy, religious satire, and an interesting social commentary on organized religion (easily read as Catholicism) set in his Discworld universe.
The main character, Brutha, is seen as a dimwitted novice by all who meet him, even the god he claims to worship. AS the story progresses, the reader learns more of the Great God Om (holy horns) and how the god’s religion seems to have gotten away from him a bit. And as much as his own religion has processed away from him, his prophets seem to be running amok as well. Even his own god notes Brutha’s “not the chosen one I would have chosen” as they adventure together. At its heart, this is a reluctant hero novel with a dash of religious satire.
As a reader, I love this for many reasons, some very personal. First, I enjoy the Discworld universe immensely. The world is vast and with so many books loosely connected through the universe, almost everyone touches on characters or plots the reader has seen before. It gives everything an incredible depth and breadth so that even a single book has the feel of a whole world. I love Brutha as a character because he holds hidden depth and complexity, despite his simple description, and he is a great “straight man” to his tempestuous god and counterpart.
On a more personal level, I love this book because of how I was introduced to it. As a teen, my group of friends was religiously diverse: a Buddhist, a Catholic, a Jew, and a Presbyterian who was strongly considering being an atheist. My introduction to this was sitting on my living room floor as our Buddhist read aloud. We listened, enthralled, to her melodious voice and giggled over Brutha hoeing the melons. (“Melons. Melons. Well, that goes some way toward explaining things, of course.”) While it’s not a book that pushes one to atheism, apostasy, or agnosticism, for a teenage girl who was already questioning the need for organized religion, it was an awakening to see an entire book that gently mocked the bureaucracy of organized religion.
As an author, I love this book for its technical mastery. Like “Legends and Lattes,” it not only plays to an established world, but it uses well known tropes and executes them masterfully. Brutha is a perfectly written reluctant hero. His god, Om, is a dynamic anti-hero. And the villain is written so well that his villainhood comes to you slowly until the reader is staring at the pages in horror at their actions. It follows the standard plot arc, and the climax is perfectly timed and built.
Rating: 5 cups of tea
NOTE: Like my race reports, this post does contain some affiliate links. If you purchase from that link, I may get a small commission. That said it doesn’t impact what you pay or the author receives in royalties!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Book Review – Legends & Lattes
Book Review Bottom Line: I can definitely say Travis Baldree’s Legends and Lattes: A Novel of High Fantasy and Low Stakes, is best described as the book equivalent of curling up with your favorite latte, under a cozy blanket on a rainy day. It’s warm, and cozy, and makes you feel good about life.
Full Title: Legends and Lattes: A Novel of High Fantasy and Low Stakes
Author: Travis Baldree (On Twitter and GoodReads)
ISBN: 979-8985663235
Purchase link: paperback, Kindle, Want your own copy in paperback, hardcover, Kindle, and of course audiobook because Travis Baldree is an amazing voice actor!
Synopsis:
Worn out after decades of packing steel and raising hell, Viv the orc barbarian cashes out of the warrior’s life with one final score. A forgotten legend, a fabled artifact, and an unreasonable amount of hope lead her to the streets of Thune, where she plans to open the first coffee shop the city has ever seen.
However, her dreams of a fresh start pulling shots instead of swinging swords are hardly a sure bet. Old frenemies and Thune’s shady underbelly may just upset her plans. To finally build something that will last, Viv will need some new partners and a different kind of resolve.
Review:
As a D&D nerd, avid reader, and author, this book was right up my alley. The review that pointed me to “Legends & Lattes” said it “reads like a cozy cup of coffee,” and I found that description 100% accurate with a twist of high fantasy.
Basically, the plot is what would happen if your barbarian orc decided to retire from combat and open a coffee house. From a reader standpoint, I found it light and engaging, I loved the characters, and found the setting charming. It includes fun new phrases like “an insufferable shitweasel” and delicately balances a few other creative curses without being obscene.
From an author’s perspective, I considered it well written, with a plot that follows the standard American plot arc (which keeps things moving), and good world building on a familiar high fantasy/D&D setting.
I read it while convalescing from surgery and tore through it in a day. You could chalk the quick read up to being mostly confined to my couch or the compelling plot, but I haven’t done that in a hot minute. Even the cat loved it!
Rating: 5 cups of tea (or lattes, as would be thematically appropriate)
NOTE: Like my race reports, this post does contain some affiliate links. If you purchase from that link, I may get a small commission. That said it doesn’t impact what you pay or the author receives in royalties!
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Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
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Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Rewriting a Novel in Fifteen Easy Steps
Just kidding, none of this is easy!
I was recently asked by my publisher to shift the focus of my next writing project slightly. I’m still slowly working on Pantheon 3, but my primary focus has shifted to a project I started over a decade ago. In fact, it was the first full novel I ever wrote and one that was rejected thirty-seven times. The only glimmer of hope I ever had from literary agents about my writing was being told it was “good writing/plot, but not commercially viable” because I couldn’t or wouldn’t commit to publishing a book every 18-24 months.
That little glimmer of hope was the spark that kept me going and a major factor in how I linked up with Force Poseidon. I sent them Pantheon and when they asked if I had anything else, I sheepishly handed over this story as well. My editor was enthralled, but we both acknowledged that it needed major reworking before it could be fit for publication. Additionally, due to my day job and the subject of the work, it will be an uphill battle to get it approved for release. So, we shelved it in favor of Pantheon 2: Ares & Athena, which was 75% complete at that point. But now P2 is published and P3 is only in the storyboarding phase, so it seems like as good a time as any to work on this new project. And who knows, given the possible timelines for approval from the Air Force, P3 may be complete by the time we hear back about this project.
Where does that leave me today? The work from 2009/2010 currently has 61,000 words; however, it needs a full reworking. I initially thought it might be an easy process. After all, 61k words is a lot to work with, but as I broke the process down, I realized I had more work in front of me than I initially thought. Since many of you have enjoyed reading about my writing process for the Pantheon series, I figured I could write about this process as well.
With fifteen steps, there’s a lot to write about! I’ve already written about some of the things on the list below, so I won’t re-write those posts. Expect that as I go through the process, I’ll add links to the “To Do” list.
To Do:
1. Finish re-reading old work (Complete: 12 Nov 22)
2. Character profiles (Complete: 15 April 2023)
3. Scene/Act breakout (Complete: 17 Nov 22)
A. Structure 3 Acts (Complete: 17 Nov 22)
B. Scene cards for existing scenes (Complete: 12 Nov 22)
C. Scene cards for new scenes (B-Plot, Complete: 17 Nov 22)
4. Re-structure w/new scenes (Complete: 17 Nov 22)
5. Cut out the shit scenes
7. Re-read full plot, by Act; make notes on impact/themes/scenes
8. Edit for clarity/continuity
9. Edit for grammar/formatting
10. Beta readers; may require NDA
A. Incorporate edits
11. Publisher edit and updates
12. Update and read for continuity
13. HAF PA approval (who knows how long this is?)
14. Release process
A. Title finalized and released
B. Cover art finalized and released
C. Pre-orders
15. Pub day and French 75s!
A. Marketing before/during/after
B. Author meet and greet
C. Newsletter/mailing list releases
As you can see, it’s a lengthy process, but I have faith I can get through my part with speed and ease. The hardest part right now is reading my work from a decade ago when my technical writing skills were not what they are today. Oof. That’s tough to read without cringing.
Wish me luck!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!
Bodybuilding – My Other Endurance Sport (Part 3)
Show Weekend and What I Learned
I can only start this section with telling you that a bodybuilding show weekend is a wild ride and the more you know, the less stressed or shocked you will be! In my first two bodybuilding articles, you learned Bodybuilding 101 and what is takes to get on stage. Rather than breaking this into subsections like the first two articles, I’m giving you more of a timeline of events with explanations as you go from leaving home to getting home.
In the Beginning: Peak Week
It all starts with the famed bodybuilding “Peak Week,” a process to slowly replenish the lost glycogen in your muscles and dehydrate you at the end for that paper thin skinned look on stage. I won’t detail how I achieve this because it’s only designed for that one week and downright dangerous. It is all done solely for the one day on stage.
It’s also miserable.
For me, I had been dieting for 50 weeks, I had lost over 45lbs, and I had no energy. I still had to maintain my workouts and now I was altering my diet again. It was the suck.
Show Weekend
For smaller bodybuilding shows held on a Saturday, check in’s are conducted on Friday night. Most competitors drive in from out of town which is a real delight because most of us are also overloading on the water to drive it out the next day.
At the event venue, they check you in, give you your number, check your height/weight to ensure you’re in the correct division, and send you on your way. Most bodybuilding competitors will also choose to have their first lay of spray tan done now. Others opt to do their own, but I find them to be messy, uneven, and difficult to apply on your own, even with the little wand applicator. This is one of the few areas I don’t begrudge the money spent.
Tanning
But let’s talk about the bodybuilding spray tan process. At my first show, I assumed I’d wear my suit and they’d spray around it.
Wrong!
When I first walked in the spray area, a hotel conference room covered in plastic sheeting and filled with tiny pop up tents, I was greeted by fully nude women strolling across the floor. Needless to say, I did not expect that. However, there is a method to this madness. Those spray gun spray tanning product everywhere and there is no way to protect your very expensive suit from it. So, you get sprayed nude. Or, at least the ladies do. I haven’t seen the guys tents, so I assume it’s the same.
Now I was well on my way to becoming friends with all the other girl competing because, once you see each other naked, how can you not be friends I guess?
I was very glad that this was the best I had ever looked in my life because I strolled from the changing area to the little tent in my birthday suit to get sprayed. And damn, that spray is kind of cold! You spend 10 to 15 minutes having every inch of you sprayed then spend another 20 minutes letting it dry. I got over my initial shock fast and spent most of my drying time chatting with other competitors.
You know what? They were not what I expected at all. Not a one of them was catty or mean. We may have all started our journey in a different place, but we’d all faced similar challenges: the ups an downs of the scale, unsympathetic coaches who cut calories without mercy, fitting lifting and cardio around busy lives, and slogging through workouts when dead on our feet.
A sense of sisterhood began to grow with these women. They were from all walks of life but shared a common goal: be their best selves, even if only for one moment. I loved the mutual respect and kindness each had for the others. We’d all driven ourselves through hell and made it to the other side.
With my spray tan done, I hurried back to my hotel to catch what sleep I could before my 5am second spray tan and 5:30 make up appointments.
That’s right. 5. A. M.
The bodybuilding show you see in the evenings is only the final event. There’s a whole pre-judging that occurs in the morning and bodybuilding competitors have to be in full hair, make up, and stage wear at show start. With my shows usually starting at 9, I was stuck with an early make up appointment do I could do my hair after.
Show Day
4:30 am: Wake up, pee very carefully to keep little splashes from wrecking my base tan. Eat meal one which consists of about an ounce of chicken and an ounce of sweet potato. Ahh, the bodybuilding speacial!
5:00 am: More naked time with my new friends and the second coat spray tan I described in “What It Takes to Get to the Stage.” I spend as long as possible letting it dry to not leave little lines from my PJ pants.
5:30 am: In the make up chair letting my MUA turn me into Aphrodite of the Weights
6:15 am: I’m jamming meal two in my mouth while curling my hair. Wistfully eyeing the tap water because from now until the night show, I only get tiny sips of water to maximize my dehydration.
7:30 am: Pack my bags and drive from my hotel to the show hotel. I’m in loose PJ pants to keep from wrecking my tan and have my bikini plus a tackle box of make up and styling tools in a bag.
8:45 am: Battling boredom because I showed up way too early. Expediters are out! They’re dropping the event listing. And of course, true to bodybuilding show standards, the women’s bikini division is last. Always. I’m in for a long morning.
9:00 am: Show start. I’m waiting. I eat a rice cake coated in honey.
9:45 am: Still waiting. I break and sip some water with my rice cake.
10:30 am: Judge’s break, most of the men are done but the bikini division is still waiting. Eat a rice cake.
10:55 am: I sneak off to the bathroom and almost miss my line up call and glaze. Damn it.
10:59 am: A random stranger is gluing my bikini to my butt (to keep it from riding, hooray Bikini Bite) and another is rubbing/spraying me with glaze. My legs are shaking in 4” stilettos from hungry, dehydration, and nerves. I’m mentally chanting my stage walk and posing: strut, strut, strut, strut, stop! Pose and SMILE. Turn and push that hip. SMILE! Turn again and pop that booty. Half turn. Turn again and pose and SMILE. Strut, strut, strut off stage.
11:03 am: OMG I’M ON THE STAGE. I can’t see the judges beyond the stage lights but the stage is taped so I know my marks. strut, strut, strut, strut, stop! Pose and SMILE. Turn and push that hip. SMILE! Turn again and pop that booty. Half turn. Turn again and pose and SMILE. Little wave to the crowd. (There’s vague cheering behind the ringing in my ears.) Strut, strut, strut off stage.
(Fun fact, my first bodybuilding show was only 3 months after I returned from a deployment. Between the local National Guard unit providing a color guard, the National anthem being played too loud, and my own MH issues, I started having a panic attack at the show’s start. I pulled it together by the time I was on stage, but I think I disassociated a bit on stage.)
11:05 am: Still trying to calm down. WHAT? I HAVE TO GO BACK OUT? Oh yeah, line up. Now the ladies all line up directly next to each other and the judges to side-by-side comparisons. Each girl hopes to end up near the center as the woman in the center is usually the first place and everyone else is moved to compare next to her.
11:06 am: They have us line up and pose. Quarter turn and pose and SMILE. Quarter turn to the back and walk 10 steps to the rear. Flex those glutes! Turn to the front and walk back up to the line. Number 1 switch places with number 7. Number 5 swap places with number 3. HOLY SHIT I’M DEAD FREAKING CENTER???
11:15 am: Off the stage for the rest of the day. We all pack up and head back to our hotels to rest until the night show.
12:00 pm: Eat meal number 3 and a nap. I try to settle into the sleeping beauty pose so I don’t smudge my make up.
5:00 pm: Eat meal 4 as I hastily repair my make up and tidy up my hair.
5:55 pm: Back at the show venue and getting ready to start. Kinda. I know I have hours yet so I’m trying to be relaxed.
6:49 pm: Magic. VIC’s “Wobble” comes on, loud enough to be heard backstage, and 37 women clad in everything from pajamas to bikinis and robes are suddenly on their feet dancing. Somewhere on my Instagram page, I still have the video one of the spray tan ladies shot of us all dancing together.
7:15 pm: Practicing my walk and posing in one of the other girl’s mirrors. We’re mostly discussing what we intend to eat once we’re off stage. Some competitions have a table of goodies set up for competitors after they’re done and it takes the utmost self control not to dive in early.
7:30 pm: Bodybuilding night shows take forever! They do more pose downs for the audience’s benefit plus handing out trophies. The other addition is that the winners from each height or weight category are all brought up together for the overall winner. That winner and sometimes the runner up are given a chance to compete in Nationals in the fall.
8:12 pm: I’m finally called for line up. I hastily stuff another rice cake in my mouth, sip some Gatorade, and hustle to pump and get a last layer of glaze. (And Bikini Bite). I feel confident from my center stage placement earlier in the day.
8:15 pm: I can see the judges as I walk this time. They look happy, I react well, and get even more sassy on stage. My strut is on point, my hips pop, and I bring the very best version of me I could have hope to present. No matter how I place, I’ve achieved my goal. This time my smile is real.
8:16 pm: Instead of going back stage, we stay out there for each girls walk. This means holding your awkward, uncomfortable, and tiring pose for almost 15 minutes. You’re allow to swap from a front to side pose, but don’t be obvious, it detracts from the girl doing her walk, which is rude.
8:22 pm: The last girl has walked and it’s go time. At the night show, only those in the top five of each class are called up to the line. If you’re number isn’t called you have to stay on the wings and try not to look too disappointed.
8:23 pm: Not me. Also, not me. Also, not OH HOLY SHIT THAT’S MY NUMBER!
8:24 pm: Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Moved closer to center. Be cool, don’t fall over. One more close to center. I’M DEAD CENTER AGAIN.
8:25 pm: I’ve won my height class! Someone loops a medal around my neck and drops a tiara on my head. DO NOT CRY. YOU WONT YOUR CLASS AND HAVE TO GET UP THERE AGAIN WITH THE OTHER WINNERS AND YOU CANT SMUDGE YOUR MAKE UP! I run to drop my medal on my bag and hustle back on stage.
8:30 pm: Be cool. Moved closer to center. Be cool, don’t fall over. Be cool. Not moving. Be calm. I did not win the overall.
8:31 pm: (One single moment of disappointment)
8:32 pm: Wait, I met or exceeded every goal I set for myself. I one a pile of medals. And I pushed myself to achieve something I would not have thought myself capable of five years ago. Nah, it’s is an absolute win.
8:33 pm: I hug my fellow winners. We wish each other well and exchange Instagram handles. I saunter our in PJs ready for pizza and beer (and a shower!).
9:00 pm: Having scrubbed as much tan and make up off as possible, I’m exhausted. I grab raw oysters, cheese sticks, and a glass of wine from the hotel bar because it’s the only thing they offer this late at night.
9:45 pm: Asleep.
What happens after?
FOOD! But slowly so you don’t balloon and/or hurt your already damaged system. After weeks/months/a year on a very strict diet, too much too soon leads to some nasty side effects. First, your body isn’t used to rich foods and introducing them back quickly (like 3 slices of cheesecake in a single night) will have negative, but transient, effects. Even with careful management, your body will clamor for you to build back up your fat stores. These pesky bodies still think we have to outlast a freezing winter and constantly work to add a minimum level of fat. To that end, even a modest increase in calories always brought 5-8 pounds back quickly. Some of it was the water I had shoved off to get on stage, but some is most definitely fat as well.
There’s an emotional rebound to competing as well. I experienced it training for Ironman and for the ultramarathon as well. You set your focus so narrowly on a specific goal, and when you finally achieve it, there’s a gradual let down as you struggle to find new focus. There is the double-whammy of the Instagram effect. After struggling to achieve photo perfection like the photoshopped bodies on Instagram, it feels a little bit like failure watching your hard won abs disappear, even when it’s necessary for your own physical health. I learned to post my stage photos and then ignore Instagram for about a month.
Eventually, my body came back to equilibrium. My strength, hair, and period came back. My tan faded. And while the high of winning or low of losing faded, I could look back on my weekends on stage with a smile.
What did I learn?
The women who compete in this sport and nothing but commendable. With very few exceptions, none were catty or mean. They rallied around one another and supported each other on stage, yelling and cheering for strangers and friends alike from the wings.
I learned how to do my own make up. Not just what I wear to work, but real stage make up which has translated over to my cosplaying as well. It may seem like a small thing, but now that I do I myself, it saves me around $100 and two hours of time on show day! Or in cosplay.
Of course, I learned more about nutrition which translated into better fueling during ultramarathons. I learned how to calculate my nutritional needs to achieve a goal. Lose, gain, or maintain, I feel more confident in how I eat and have maintained a healthy weight since my last competition.
I learned more about lifting weights and how my body response to exercise of all types. I knew how I responded to long endurance cardio, but weights had only been a passing fancy every now and again, not a habit that stuck with me. Once I understood more about weightlifting and balancing muscle groups, I was able to keep it in my repertoire for ultramarathon and was arguably a strong runner for it.
Finally, I learned, or perhaps re-learned how hard I could push myself. Like endurance sports, bodybuilding show prep is a long haul. It requires strength and discipline over a long time, even if it is a mostly anaerobic exercise. It have it’s own kind of Pain Cave as you weather the ups and downs of low energy, doubt, and pain. But strong discipline gets your through. The same strength I saw shining in every woman on that stage, I found shining within myself.
You can find parts one and two of this three part series below:
Bodybuilding – My Other Endurance Sport (Part 1): Bodybuilding 101
Bodybuilding – My Other Endurance Sport (Part 2): What It Takes to Get to the Stage
Happy trails!
Enjoy what you just read? Please share on social media or email utilizing the buttons below, fans like you sharing what they love are what keeps this train rolling!
Want to read more works by Author KR Paul? You can find my first novel here and it’s sequel here.
Want more than that? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Stay up to date on the latest KR Paul news by joining our mailing list.
Just looking for wild stories of cave diving, ultramarathons, blacksmithing, or powerlifting. Yeah, I’ve got those too!